MIL needs to go into nursing home, but refuses.?

Question

Mil is at a point that she cannot live alone anymore, she needs MUCH care. she has lost control in her arms, so cannot feed herself except to bend her head very low.
she cannot take care of her hygiene either.
her children found a very nice well kept nursing home for her, but she got madder than a wet hen!!
she is mean to her childfen and say they are out to kill her, this is not true at all...they all try to make her happy.
no one can take her in, as she needs 24-7 care.
we may have her doctor talk to her.

We do have her on a waiting list for Assistant Living, and would only stay in the nursing home until there is an opening.

Answer 1

Oh honey, I do feel for you!! I've a MIL just like yours, and she is mean to my DH, and even her nurse told her she should appreciate what her son is trying to do, Because many do not care where or when their mother goes into a nursing home.
I would get the Doc. to talk to her.

Answer 2

It sounds like she might suffer from dimentia. Instead of a nursing home though try an assisted living place. Assisted living tend to be less invasive (if she likes her privacy), are more home like, and the residences are usually taken care of on a personal level instead of just a professional one. Also if she is wheelchair bound take her with you to see the places. If you think she does need a doctors assitance to get her there then go that route. Also you could try filing for power of attorney if she is in that bad of shape. She may not like you for awhile but once she finds out how much easier life is, she will come around. Hope that helps.

EDIT: How long is the wait? Is there anyway to do home health care? (i.e. have a nurse come to the home)

Answer 3

Her reaction to going into a nursing home is completely normal and common. Try getting her to go for just a 2 week trial. Try talking to your Doctor and if necessary you may have to have power of attorney in order to place her in care for her own good.

Answer 4

I’m one of the writers for Gilbert Guide (the foremost resource for everything senior care). Based on my experience, I recommend assessing your options—you have more than you may think.

1. If she is on a waiting list for an assisted living facility, home health care may be a viable option for the interim. Here’s some information about home health care from our website:

Home health must be prescribed by a physician. Registered Nurses (RNs), Licensed Practical Nurses (LPNs) and Licensed Vocational Nurses (LVNs) provide the care, sometimes in conjunction with other health professionals. These providers may also enlist the assistance of a home health aide who can help with personal care such as bathing and using the toilet. Home health aides can also administer medication under the supervision of a nurse.

To read the rest of the information, click here:
http://www.gilbertguide.com/senior-care-101/senior-care-categories/home-health-care.php

2. Adult day health care may also be an option in the interim. Here’s an excerpt from our site:

Like adult day care, adult day health care provides a safe, caring setting for adults who require supervision or care during the day. Adult day health programs are designed for individuals who require a more skilled level of care. These programs offer medical services, like rehabilitation, therapy, nursing care and special nutrition. The programs are structured and designed, often through the development of a personal care plan, to cover the daily individual needs of each participant.

To read the rest of the post, click here:
http://www.gilbertguide.com/senior-care-101/senior-care-categories/adult-day-health-care.php

3. If you’d like our help in deciding which option is best for her, access our free care planner. You’ll need to answer a series of questions about her condition, and then we’ll generate a report detailing your best options for long-term care.

http://www.gilbertguide.com/find-senior-care/care-planner/

4. Address the dementia issue. Has she already been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s? If not, this is something you want to look into, because her behavior indicates some form of dementia—and that’s important to know when you look for care.

http://www.gilbertguide.com/frequently-asked-questions/senior-care-terms/alzheimers-care.php

If you need any more information, feel free to contact me directly at [e-mail].

Best of luck,
Lori
Gilbert Guide