My boyfriend of 14 years, we have 2 kids together. Left me 3 months ago. He says that he is just not into me any more. And the family life is not for him. He is 41. He moved in with his mother. Now he dates other woman. He told me he wanted a blond woman, I have auburn hair. He only sees the kids everyother weekend, rarely calling them in between times. My question is, he decided to leave because he didn't want to be a family anymore. Well relationships have ups and downs. Just because at the moment you are not into me, doesn't mean you just leave. There is a bigger picture to look at. Like our kids, and the life we had built together. But he just knows how he feels at the moment. What do you think?
I did not even know he felt that way. I thought things were wonderful.
2007-03-14 16:24:20 · 13 answers · asked by Teslajuliet 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't think that your 'boyfriend' saw it the way you did. You were together for 14 years, now have 2 kids and now he is gone. You see, he never saw it like a family, otherwise, he would have married you to make it right and to become as 'one', not two. So, he treated this relationship as two people just shacking up. There was never any committment to where you two would stay together.
I think he did this for you, for your sake. He left, because he got tired of it. He doesn't want any responsibilities and you and the kids held him back from wanting to do the things that he does best is being single once again. That's why he is with his mother. He now has the freedom to sleep around with other women. He doesn't care for you or the kids.
If he cared, he wouldn't be where he is now. He would be married to you and he would be with his kids.
But, he doesn't want those things. I hope you will realize that he never saw the 'big picuture' like you did.
I just don't understand how you didn't notice anything about him in the last 14 years. How is that? Did you really notice but didn't want to deal with it because you saw it totally different on the way you wanted things to be? Because he didn't see it that way, now he is gone.
Sorry, to hear about this. But you need to move on and take care of your kids before getting involved with someone else. Right now they need you the most.
2007-03-14 16:45:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry that this happened to you. You married a front. You thought he was a real man, a family man, a man that would never leave you. Sorry, but you guys weren't married, he was basically getting everything for free, with no real commitment. It'd be different if you two were married. Why? Because you two would have exchanged vows to be with each other through sickness and health and so forth. Yeah, I might be attacked for my answer, but he saw an easy way out, without having to go through a divorce and custody battles. Yes, he will have to pay child support, but that's it.
He wasn't into you at the moment does give him the right to leave, you two were bf and gf with kids, no real commitment there. You had a life together, but did you two make a commitment together? Lives and commitment are two different things.
2007-03-14 16:31:08 · answer #2 · answered by SillyKimmie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do. oh, god. you're probably the kind of woman i would wanna spend the rest of my life with. maybe next time u should consider getting married. no sex before married. i guess this is the kind of case where God can say "That's why I make a rule to get married first before having sex". leave the shallow guy, he's not even worth thinking about. move on like he does. find a guy who want to accept you and your kids. raise you kids well. if one of your kids is a boy, find a guy right away, according to some experiences, your boy might not have a male figure. as a result, he might be gay. im pretty sure you can find the right guy. you're a good woman. just dont do the same mistake again. yes life is about ups and downs, tell to the new guy to be ready for it to go through together with you and your kids.
just be good, ok. now forget that lil bastard and move on. be strong. and.....get married.
2007-03-14 16:57:55 · answer #3 · answered by Freedom yeah freedom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Terribly sorry you are going thru this. Some men just seem to run from their responsibilities. You mentioned he is 41. It could have something to do with the mid-life thing. My hubby has seemed to go thru that and he is close to same age. I think it has to do w/ their livelyhood or something along those lines. It also has alot to do w/ an other women also. I feel for you. Sometimes a counselor can help in differentiating fact from fiction. Doubt he would be game- you should maybe go - for moral support. To help you pick up the pieces and move on. Much luck to you thru this trying time.
2007-03-14 16:34:09 · answer #4 · answered by Jenblossom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you are right. He is not looking at the bigger picture. All relationships have ups and downs. However, I did notice that you are not married. There is an expression...why have the cow when you can get the milk for free.
He's not married to you, so he doesn't see why he has to stay. Granted, it's not right, since he has two kids with you.
He's also going thru mid-life crisis, since he's 41.
2007-03-14 16:30:26 · answer #5 · answered by janetrmi 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is a kid! I think that he doesn't deserve you and the kids!
He moved into his mother's house and is dating blonds because he always took a fancy to them. Yes it could be a middle age crisis...
This must hurt you so much but don't for a minute think that it is you when it is clearly him giving up the best thing that happened to him. He is a selfish person and you should recognize this! Move on as well but when you are ready but show him that he can't put you down only himself...
2007-03-14 16:38:51 · answer #6 · answered by *Pretty In Pink* 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
all relationships have their ups and downs, he is just trying to escape responsibility, and we are always the last to know, as if they were honest with us, we could have worked on what was wrong, he didn't want to work on it, because the reason wasn't about u it was about him and his selfish ways. he wants the easy life the exciting life, but after awhile he won't be any more excited with her than he was with u. he loved u but he had conditions on his love, and the minute he didn't get what he wanted when he wanted it, he walked out like a coward does. your better off without him. he has unrealistic expectations of how life is suppose to be.
2007-03-14 16:37:37 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You mean you are not married to him. That is your biggest mistake!
Anyway since you are not legally bounded to him he has the right to leave you even the kids. Maybe he dont have the same big heart like you and thats too bad. But he will realised soon enough that he needs his kids and maybe you.
2007-03-14 16:34:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Look lady, family life kinda sucks. This guy realized that he can pull some serious play from women because they give it away. He doesn't need to put up with the family so he can get it occasionally from you. So get over it and get yourself some strange!
2007-03-14 16:28:40 · answer #9 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like a mid-life crisis to me
2007-03-14 17:11:30 · answer #10 · answered by fear of the dark 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋