This terrible ache in my heart?

Question

I am a 29 year old Asian woman who has come to UK to pursue her Doctorate. I grew up with little physical warmth from my family and now in UK I have neither friends nor family (Also because PhD is a lonely process).
I am told I am very pretty with large eyes and am intelligent. But most of the times I feel like the smallest person in the room.
I have tried joining the Gym and try and socialize (owing to my profession that is limited) but have no one close . I can't remember the last time I received a hug or a touch of another human being.
I am left with this constant, all consuming ache in my heart. I think nothing can be more painful than being completely alone in a world full of people.
Any advice is much appreciated.

Answer 1

can you get together with some friends? throw a party with some of the girls in your classes. it is a good idea to make friends in college, so start now, try contacting your family. by email or phone. dont think i can be of much help, im only a middleschooler!

Answer 2

I believe that in life happiness comes in stages. This feeling you have will not last forever. It is called loneliness. I have felt it since my daughter left home and sometimes it can be all consuming.

Also the more isolated you feel the harder it is to lift yourself out of it. When I have days like this I write a list of things I need to do and carry those tasks out methodically so that even if I am having a horrible day, I have achieved something. I am kind to myself and tell myself that it will pass. I also keep myself very busy, with a structured day to keep depression at bay.

Write down all the positive things about your life. You are gifted academically and attractive and sound like a sensitive soul. I agree there is nothing like physical touch, it is calming and soothing. It is also said to reduce blood pressure and that's why pets are so comforting.

I would suggest that you find a good (maybe female) massage therapist and go for a lovely soothing massage. Try a neck and shoulder treatment first. Visit the therapist first and if you feel comfortable with her, book a treatment. You could also try reflexology. A very friend of mine who was stood up at the alter found that a weekly reflexology with a kind sympathetic lady helped her immensely.

Explore every avenue. Go to the library and research every sort of club or activity which may interest you. Are there any Asian support networks. I promise you there are so many friends out there waiting to meet you.

Get some self help books. Find a book on coping with loneliness. We all suffer from loneliness at some point in our lives. Some of us are bereaved, we relocate, we divorce, our children leave home.

One day, the sun will shine again and the clouds will lift. Sometimes you have to fight and fight to stay on top, but don't give in to it, you can do it.

Take care and I am sending you a big hug x x

Answer 3

Try using yahoo personals where you can screen the type of man you want to be as a companion. You can be very selective in what you are looking for and communicate through the web site for awhile until you feel comfortable meeting them in person. You can still meet losers through the service, but it will give you a better advantage than trying to go to clubs. It's also a plus because it will fit in well with the hours that you probably have to keep for school. Good Luck.

Answer 4

You picked the wrong place to study...in Berkly you probably would be annoyed by the attention!?!
Try to be involved with things you enjoy the people doing these things will be more connected with you, more interested...You also might try a cultural connection. The English are a wonderful people but perhaps a bit distant. You might find some comfort in your religious or other culturally familiar activities, you also might find better understanding.
Be patient good things come to those who wait.....Good Luck

Answer 5

Until you know more ppl and know them on a close and personal level you might still feel lonely. I agree w/someone's suggestion on getting a pet. I wouldn't suggest a puppy or a kitty tho...w/your busy schedule, you're not going to have the time to devote in potty training the puppy or the kitten's overzealous playfulness lol..trust me. If a pet is something you'd be interested in, check out an animal shelter there and get one that's already housebroken.

As for meeting ppl, check out this site: www.plentyoffish.com and create yourself a profile, focusing on finding friends to do things with.

Here's a hug from me to you...cross your arms and squeeze real tight. :)

Answer 6

I used to take a number of of drugs and wash them down with a number of of booze yet i'm sparkling and sober at present different than for a splash herb. i like to lie or sit down someplace dark and mushy. Then I permit my techniques wander till i'm able to get it to wander exterior of my physique. Then I turn around and look at myself. What I continuously have been waiting to be certain in myself is limitless capability to do what must be performed. this could be a variety of narcissism and my cut back thinks it fairly is a foul situation, I tell him he's done of sh!t. Your youthful and healthful, a nighttime devoid of sleep could be what you pick, do no longer beat your self up, shop your capability, there are others obtainable that deserve a beating. RScott

Answer 7

*hugs from New York* I would be your friend! Do you have any neighbors? Try looking in the personal ads in the paper. In the US most larger papers have a looking for friends section. Are there any new people to the hospital? Hang in there Doc!

Answer 8

first i think that in you culture physical expression of emotion is sometimes look down upon. finish you studies and then focus on a relationship. make a day of the week a fun day. that day every week is the day you pamper your self. It being a movie, a swim , a walk in the park. Something that you do in public. If you shy and keep to your self no one will notice you.

Answer 9

Oh man, I feel really bad for you. If we were in the same room I'd give you a big hug! I've felt like that years and years ago, it was a good time for introspection and self assessment for me. If you really feel that lonely email me and we'll chat!

Answer 10

How I feel for you. Here is a big hug from me and I am sure you will meet friends soon. You sound a wonderfully warm person