My husband spends 90% of his time with his father. When I leave to go to work he goes to Daddys and does not come home until after I get off work.He never has dinner waiting on me or helps me out around the house but if his Daddy asks for his help he jumps right up and goes.I feel like I do not matter to him anywhere as much as his dad does. I feel lonely and left out am I wrong to feel this way?
2007-03-14 15:49:00 · 18 answers · asked by jonsgirl1972 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to talk to him. A marriage takes hard work and you will have many more trying times in life with him. It did sound like maybe you just wanted to be included. So why not invite his father over more. Tell your husband what it is that you are wanting. Men do not always get what we are trying to say. That means don't just drop hints and hope he gets it. Tell him. He may not even notice that this is a big deal to you.
I wish the both of you the best..
2007-03-14 16:01:42 · answer #1 · answered by mrs.mom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not a question of right or wrong feelings. You can't help how you feel, but you can help how you react.
Obviously, there are some strong ties between your husband and your father in law. It doesn't appear that you have ever talked to your husband about this and how you feel.
If your going to have a happy marriage you're going to have to learn how to communicate effectively, with love, trust, and respect.
If you are reacting to his closeness to your husband's father by pouting, being angry, and acting bratty around him when he gets back, nothing is going to be gained by that. In a non-emotional time, sit down with him and tell him sincerely how you feel and why you feel that way. Open up a dialog and try to understand why he behaves the way that he does around his dad. He might not even be aware of how what he does upsets you. You might learn that the reason he is at the beck and call of his dad is because he learned that from the way his dad responded to his dad.
Anyway, the point is communication. Listen and learn.
2007-03-14 23:00:26 · answer #2 · answered by SafetyDancer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is his Dad sick? That could be why he spends so much time I would ask him if I were you and tell him how you feel. Tell him it would not hurt if he had dinner once and a while for you and if you don't want to do that then get take out for yourself and when he says whats for dinner tell him you don't know what he's having but you already ate because you didn't feel like cooking. But if his dad is sick then just let him do what he has to do
2007-03-14 22:58:26 · answer #3 · answered by worried about our country 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not wrong in how you are feeling. I can understand why you are upset and feel this way. Try talking to your husband and telling him how you are feeling and see if this changes anything. Ask him if you mean as much to him as his dad does. See what he has to say about this. You may want to seek marriage counseling and help if need be. He seems kinda like a daddy's boy.
Is his dad sick or ill or handicapped and needs his help daily if i may ask?
2007-03-14 23:00:20 · answer #4 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no ur not wrong he needs to get off his butt stop being a little daddys boy and be ur husband. does he not work he if he doesnt then tell him u expect certain things done by the time u get home.
put ur foot down and dont put up with being second best.
2007-03-14 23:04:52 · answer #5 · answered by mrs nevz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you considered that instead of coming home going to your father-in-laws and being with him there?
I'm sure its a lonely situation but try to find a why to spend more time with him on his terms. See if that works.
Have you talked to him about this? Does he work?
You should at least talk to him about this. Not nag - but talk. Then, if he feels his comfort zone is with his dad - join them.
2007-03-14 22:59:07 · answer #6 · answered by Diana 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why does he spend so much time with his father? Is his father ill? Disabled? Does your husband work?
With both of you working then the chores of the house which includes cooking should be split 50/50 by both husband and wife, NO YOU ARE NOT WRONG, if he don't work then he should totally take care of the house
2007-03-14 22:57:06 · answer #7 · answered by Rosie 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You allow yourself to feel anything you want, but it sounds like you really want some husband and wife time! Has he always responded to his dad in this manner? Have you spoken to your husband about how you feel? Honestly, you must in order to resolve this. If he doesn't change, you have a choice. Accept it or not to accept it.
2007-03-14 23:09:14 · answer #8 · answered by Ms. Queen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him why he does that? If you like, you could ask him to let you join in the family fun so that you would not be left out. After all, you are also family, right?
2007-03-14 22:59:24 · answer #9 · answered by happy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you not wrong. You are his wife and he should give you as much respect as he does to his father. Let your husband know how you feel and how you view this..he may not understand that this is a big deal to you.
2007-03-14 22:53:28 · answer #10 · answered by Maybe I am a smartass..so what 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋