do i have a lawsuit? this is regarding my son and the double standard of treatment at school?

Question

i do not want to sue for money, but i need to stand up for my child when i see his rights are being violated. i just want equal treatment.
this is about zero tolerance policy, which means that any party involved in anything intolerable will be suspended, whether or not, they started it. my son didn't start this, but he has been suspended for sexual harassment while the other child went scot free, no consequences at all. you can learn more about the situation in my last two questions. Ive been looking for answers.
Not only has my son not had a voice whatsoever in this case, but neither have I myself. my son is 13, and the boys had been calling eachother gay, with the other child continuosly instigating my child. the other child told his parents, and they complained. Also a girl had been kicking my child, and nothing happened to her either. This is not zero tolerance. sexual harasment is not something to take lightly on my sons record.

i am not thinking of sueing for money. i either want this taken off his record or I want the other child to be suspended for nothing less than sexual harassment. the other child now knows he can say whatever he wants about my child and get him in trouble. It has all been very onesided. My son had asked for help and couldn;t get it. i feel like he is being used as an example. the girl who had been kicking my son on the bus, there was nothing done to her either.

My issue is not thinking that my son couldn't deal with this better, it is with the fact that double standards are being applied. would you send your son back to school, knowing that all a child has to do is point his finger, and your child will be expelled?
i went to the superintendent and so far nothing has happened yet. all they care about, is that they won't face a law suit from the other parents. what am I? chopped liver?

as to the answer that I am taking the responsibility off my son, NO, that is not the case.
you have not heard the situation out, just as the principle has failes to enforce "zero tolerance policy" equaly. my point is, my son can now freely be freely targeted. point a finger, and he is going down.
you can't tell me this kid doesn't know he can get away with mistreating my son. He even attempted to harass him the day he knew he had ratted on my son. My son asked for help, and asked if he and his friend could sit elsewhere, but they deliberately sat next to him. the teacher told him he was rude, for asking them to sit else where.
I keep asking my question because people are not getting my point. Put yourself in the situation, in his, before you answer.
it would be unfair for me to go to work, and have someone say something about me, just to get me fired! and further more, have it work!

As for teaching my child to disobey the system! when the system isn't working, there is something wrong! when it works for one child and not another, there is something VERY WRONG!

the principle made it very clear, that it is okay for another kid to kick my child, okay for another child to say things that are sexual to my child, and has made it okay for this to happen again, and that is what worries me.

If you knew my son, you would know, that he is very likeable, he has many friends, and even the other parents i have talked to about this from school, who have my child at their homes, that werent involved are furious, and cannot believe it! One is a teacher at another school himself, and cannot believe this treatment of my son.

talking about a lawsuit, it is not my first option, nor something i want to do. i just want equal treatment, for both my son and myself. what i got from the principle was very rude, and very snotty.

to add4details

you are exactly right! That is what i feel my only option is. at this point, I am working on papers to take him out, and homeschool him myself and i have notified the superintendent of my intent to do this. in fact, i think it will be a wonderful experience, to have him here with me, where i know he is safe, and can learn. thank you for the reinforcement.

Answer 1

I have had experience with the same issue, and unfortunately, there's not much you can do legally. The school district should have a procedure set up where you can appeal the decision and take it to a higher level within the district, and you can take advantage of this option if you want to be heard. But in all likelihood, whoever hears your appeal will simply find in favor of the previous decision, no matter how one-sided the decision was or how unfair the punishment was.

I had dozens of pages of research I had done, in addition to dozens more pages of testimonies defending my son and photos of what passes for normal behavior on the campus, and it didn't do a bit of good. I appealed the previous decision at every step, taking it all the way up to the superintendant. And although he was sympathetic, he basically said there was nothing he could do. These zero tolerance policies are set up so that the accused can be swiftly and easily swept off campus and into some alternative school or other campus without actually having to prove that he is guilty of the "crime" of which he has been accused. This can have long-lasting effects on the "accused's" grade point average, grade record, and well-being, especially if he is forced to attend an alternative school where the courses he was taking before are not offered.

My son basically lost a semester's credit of Pre-AP classes just because some girl who liked him as a friend but was too chicken to ask him face-to-face to stop hugging her decided to scapegoat him for the behavior of all the boys in the band and complained to the administration about it. After the whole nightmare was over, she apologized to him about it and claimed she hadn't realized that it would go that far. Although I doubt her sincerity, I do believe that this zero tolerance nonsense often turns into a witch hunt in which even high-achieving, well-behaved students can get trapped if they are fingered by the wrong person.

The good news is that this will probably not affect his official record (unless it affects his grades). When it's all over, you can have his record expunged. Likewise, even if he were to be ticketed for assault, 13 year olds can simply do some public service to remove the mark from their record.

The bad news is that it really feels like a nightmare while you're going through it, and no one, NO ONE within the school district, no matter how friendly or sympathetic they may seem, really gives a damn. They are just there to protect themselves and to blindly do their job. They don't have time to care about your kid, and they don't have the power to oppose an entire system.

There are tons of horror stories online about zero tolerance nightmares like this one. In case after case, some minor offense is prosecuted to the full extend of district policy whether the offender intended to hurt anyone or not. Zero policy needs to change, but we're up against an entire system of government. For the time being, all you can do is make yourself heard all the way to the top of the district, and help you son deal with the trauma as best you can.

I wish you both luck. Remember, he's only 13. This too, shall pass, and there will not be any permanent record of it. It's a shame we can't say the same about any permanent psychological scars.

Answer 2

I would talk to the principal. If the principal doesn't do anything I would go to the district and complain. Make sure your ducks are in a row or you'll be shot down. If the superintendant doesn't do anything take it higher. Your state should have a school board and/or superintendant.

Document everything. Get days, times, who was present, and who did and said what to whom.

I had a teacher's contract removed because she openly told me she didn't like little boys. My son had been in a small incident that most people would have made nothing out of. He also told me that the other party was treated as miss goody two shoes by the teacher. I talked to the teacher expressing my opinion and documented the conversation. When I went to the principal nothing happened and so I talked to the superintendant she took action. By the way that superintendant eventually became our state superintendant of schools. The action was that the principal was written up and the teacher did not get her contract renewed.

Answer 3

I'm a paralegal and this is what I would do if I was in your shoes: Threaten the school district with a letter which states the following: my son, on such and such a date was an incident which happened to my son (explain everything in detail), then ask the school board to respond to the letter so you do not have to take legal action. (you should get some action from this). My advice would be to get an attorney, where the attorney can fight before a judge for you. Just do not let down. Is an attorney's fee worth your son's reputation? An attorney can also see the case through so that no accusations will be put on your son's record if he did not do what he is being charged with.

Answer 4

With these things, it's tough with kids. If there is somewhere else he can go to school without being known for what you have described, guilty or not, then maybe that would be best. No matter what you may 'gain' or 'lose' from this, it would only satisfy you or make it worse. Your child will never live down the stigma where he(she)is now.
Whatever you do, right or wrong will change nothing with the kids at that school. Kids are the cruelest of all humans. Move your child or move away. It's not easy, but you can't win where you are - at least not for your child - get out of there!!

Answer 5

Sounds like a terrible school. Take him out and put him somewhere else. Is he in grade 8 or grade 9?

I just took my youngest out of a school where I knew he was with a peer group that was going to lead him into trouble one day. He's only in grade 3 and already I've had 2 years of misery, so enough was enough.

It was the best thing I could have done. He is thriving at this school, with a bunch of way better mannered/classed kids and the standard is much higher, and ZERO tolerance means ZERO tolerance and no disrespect is tolerated. That's the way a school should run.

These kids know how to manipulate and play the game and the principal needs to suspend ALL PARTIES involved so they ALL get the message that their behaviour is not tolerated.

That is the way you properly enforce the zero tolerance rule...not by who "supposedly" is telling you the truth etc. All parties should be made to suffer, and even the whole class should be disciplined. What one kid screws up, let all the others pay for it too, that way they learn to behave. That lesson needs to be taught young though. 13 is already too messed up. These kids have no work ethics at all...they will just be trouble all through high school too.

Just get him out of that environment, and THEN go after the school. Go over their heads, right to whomever your board reports to, with us it's the trustee or director of education. Complain about the inequity of punishment. If you have documentation (AND YOU ALWAYS SHOULD PUT THINGS IN WRITING!) you can tell them you have documented complaints and will take legal action unless this is removed from his record.

Answer 6

Assuming your facts true as given, I suspect you are not doing your duty as a parent by ever returning him to that school. It sounds like the other children have learned to "work the system", a system that is stacked against him, and the very existence of such a system where political correctness is so important probably crowds out any chance of a useful education.

What you want isn't realistic. The school doesn't want equality, they want sensitivity, and will probably be ruthless in their pursuit of it, regardless of the consequences to your child. They don't want to be fair, they want to make a statement.

You can't fix it by fighting it. As long as you insist on putting him back there, they will get the last word. Transfer him or home school him.

Answer 7

you have to stand up for your right, the schools go only after easy targets (most white, blond, blue eyed kids).
same happen to my son, he was suspended for nothing (relay nothing if you would know the story), and then the math teacher said to other kids that he will fail my son in math. that was enough for me, I got into my biker leather took a ride on my Harley to the school and "talked to the teacher" (he p*ssed on himself).
from that day on my son had no problem anymore and his grades were great not only in math, in every subject.
the word was going around very quickly.
it's bad to do things like this, but if it's the only way, and it is, then so be it.
I have to tell you what this was all about:
my son worked in KB toy store 3 days a week after school and in the evening. Tuesday night is restocking night and that requires a box cutter. that Tuesday night his grand parents from Germany came to visit, he stayed up late, the next morning he was wearing the same jeans to school and forgot to take the box cutter out of his jeans. he told the teacher that he has the box cutter in his jeans and what he should do. the teacher took the box cutter and send him to the principal. the principal ask what happen, my son told him the the story, and that he knows that that is wrong, but it was a honest mistake. the principal called the store manager, he verified that my son was working there and that he needs a box cutter to do his work.
he was suspended for 5 days with a hearing to follow (attendant at the hearing: principal, 2 teachers union member, school attorney, school shrink, school stenographer, my son, me). at the hearing he got another 5 days suspension and the school sent a teacher to the library to teach my son for the 10 days.
my son never had a suspension in his life (this happen in his senior year in high school), but this happen right after the Columbine shooting.
what a waste of taxpayers money if you have teachers and principals without balls.

Answer 8

Have you considered filing a formal complaint against the other child for slander? Maybe even suing the other child's parents in court? Tell the girl's parents that you will file an assault complaint with the police.

It is not clear what actually happened. Another child harassed your child, then complained that your son had harassed him? Or he harassed you son until he responded likewise, then complained?

Answer 9

You need to schedule an appointment with the principal and the teacher/assistant principal who suspended your son, and have your son explain that the "sexual harassment" was merely mutual banter between two immature adolescents. ASAP.

Based upon your son's statements, and the statements of the teacher/assistant Principal who witnessed the name calling, you may be able to get the suspension taken off of your son's record.

Unfortunately, we have become such a litigious society where a lawsuit is the first option, instead of the final option.

Pitch your case; it may work.

Answer 10

Asking the same question 3 times is a violation of Community Guidelines.

Sometimes, you may have to take your son to another school district because he's been marked as an easy target and you are adding fuel to the fire with these allegations. The school is ignoring you and your son is suffering. Perhaps greener pastures will help the both of you. Good luck.