I think my marriage is over, how do I know for sure?

Question

We've been married for about a year. In the last 8 months I have been very unhappy, or should I say finally fessing up to why I am unhappy. I just don't feel attracted to him, I feel uneasy about saying I love you, and all I ever want to do is hang out with all my friends. I feel like I am missing out when I cant go out with my group of friends, but once month. I get very jealous when I hear of everyone going out. I find myself attracted to other guys, one in particular, who makes me feel alive again. Lately my husband and I have been fighting a lot and interested in different things. I feel like I have changed as a person and we are moving in differet directions. I have been to thereapy for 5 sessions, and I still feel deep down inside that I cant do this anymore. I know how much he needs me though. Am I being selfish? Should I trust that he will be OK? I dont know that I was ever in this from the begining. In the back of mind since the day we started dating I feel like I settled.

Answer 1

You definitely sound miserable. Before you head for divorce court, consider this: the first year or so of marriage is usually the hardest. You've become a new person when you marry. That's what happens. In the first year, you'll be forced to do a lot of growing up and to make a lot of compromises. (This is especially true for young couples in first marriages.)

The first year with my husband was the absolute worst and I honestly didn't think we'd make it. We both changed; but we both grew a lot too. It was our first times away from our parents, paying our own way, own bills, etc and money was VERY tight. That made things even worse. But, we stuck with it and hung in there... I'm happy to say that we just celebrated our 10 yr anniversary and I am so thankful I stuck in there. My husband turned out to be a wonderfully supportive and loving man. I couldn't have done better! Though, during that first year, I never would have thought that! I doubted myself, dounted him, wondered if I settled, wondered if there was better out there, etc.

It sounds to me like you're missing your single life and time spent with your friends ... that's normal and to be expected. That's part of the growing up and moving into the role of a responsible married adult.

I think I'd try to hang in there a little longer and keep with therapy. Also, maybe a marriage counselor would help you identify & address issues within the marriage. If your husband is willing to go to therapy with you to save the marriage, then he's definitely worth trying it for. (So many men refuse therapy or refuse to accept responsibility for some of the issues that come up.)

Please hang in there and be open to change & growth. You may just fnd that you have one of the best husbands in the world hidden inside that man you're thinking of walking away from.

However, if after a lot of thought and honest effort you still feel you cannot go on with the marriage, then be honest with your husband & yourself and end the marriage.

But again, give it some more time. Best of luck to you.

Answer 2

Are you the only one in your group of friends that is married? I think that you are a bit jealous of their good time....do you and your husband go out....if not you should, so that the 2 of you can have a good time together. More than likely if you and your husband are not going out often...then this is why you are finding this guy attractive.....however, if he is showing interest to.....be careful.....he is probably just trying to see if he can have some married woman. to be happy in a marriage, you both have to give 100%. and just because you get married that does not mean that you stop dating....it is imperative that you keep doing things. You have to work on your marriage to make it good and happy.....both of you have to do this.....Just don't go do anything stupid yet....they have always said the first 5-7 yrs of a marriage are the hardest....and it is. You are not missing out....you are growing up....and just because your Friends are not married....that does not mean that you don't need to be. It will all work out as long as you keep your business with your husband between you and him....do not invite your friends into you marriage (like personal problems) it is unfair to them. You and husband need to talk about what you both need to do, want to do as a couple and so fourth.
I wish you luck.

Answer 3

Of course he will be fine, you don't need to worry about that.

Clearly you married either too young (common mistake by people) or after dating to short of a time period (another common mistake). You need to get out, believe it or not couples can keep going like you are for years. Those are years you can never get back.

Stop going to therapy, it doesn't help and is nothing but a crock. In the end, both of you feel the same and the therapist is just making money.

Why not find someone who can make you happy, that will go just as much for him. He probably doesn't want to be married to you anymore either. He needs the same thing, someone else. Do both of you a favor and start the process.

Answer 4

If you think it's over then it's over because whatever you speak happens. Marriage is a covenant, not a contract. What that means is you uphold your part of the marriage no matter what he does. The two of you made a commitment before God to be together until the end. It's not something you get into one day then a few months down the road when it's not going your way, you bail out. It takes work.

Think back to when you first realized that you really liked him. Don't focus on the negative...focus on the good things about him.

Cut out any distractions and work on your marriage. Commit to doing all you can do to make it better.

Answer 5

Since you did not mention your ages, I must say you both married prematurely. If you miss being with your friends and doing what singles do, then it's obvious you were not ready for the commitment that it takes to make a marriage work. If you two always fight and are interested in different things (which you both knew before you said 'I do' to each other) then it's obvious you married someone you didn't know like you thought you did. Look at the pros and cons of staying against that of leaving. You both must make that decision. You both made the decision to be togther, so this shouldn't be difficult. It may be costly, though.

Answer 6

It relies upon on what you think approximately a success. there are a number of marriages the place for the sake of the union one party loves unconditionally to the factor of blindness on a similar time as the different cheats, lies, and breaks each and every rule interior the sacred e book of marriage. So if via prevail you mean final constantly, then particular. yet whilst via prevail you mean that the two people will stay fortunately ever after, then regrettably the respond is not any.

Answer 7

If you have been unhappy for eight months, than you already know that it is over.You owe your husband a chance to find a woman that really loves him, not one that just settled and is probably making him feel just as miserable.

Answer 8

I think that it is over and you should consider divorce if you feel like that. Life is too short to be unhappy, so go ahead a be selfish, you only live once!

Answer 9

Then what whatcha gonna do when the new wears off and the old shines through. Water your lawn! You took wedding vows under god for life not a freakin year!

Answer 10

I want to know why you rushed into marrying this guy. You sound like your feet are already out the door. I think you have answered your own ?