Did I do the right thing?

Question

In one of my previous questions: "I am so upset" I aked if I should dump a couple of disrespectful friends, most everyone said yes so today I gave these people a letter of excommunication, telling them what they did wrong, why I was upset, and what they need to do to be freinds with me again. Was that the right thing to do?

Answer 1

Honestly, I wouldn't have given them letters.

Something like that should be done in person, because it is personal.

I would have had the letters written out in case they didn't quite understand if I got upset, but I would have talked rather than written.

I do think it is great that you let them know your boundaries, and rules for being your friend. Everyone on earth could take a page from your book! ;)

Answer 2

I guess its okay if you are in the 5th grade. I honestly dont know why so many people want to write letters to the ones they no longer want any contact with. One person I answered to here asked if she should write a letter to her boss telling her that she was putting in her 2 weeks notice. I understand it is hard to have confrontations with anyone, especially someone that you are or were close to, but seriously, speak!

When you have verbal communication, it gets through to them quicker and absorbs a lot better. When you use a letter of any kind, it shows your weaknesses and that you arent serious, or you can be persuaded otherwise. So next time talk, it will show maturity on your behalf.

Also from my experiences, if a friend is an asshole to you on a normal basis, or makes you the butt of every joke, and so on, they wont change at all. You are better off finding new friends that will respect you, as opposed to making you their friendly *****.

And although I say talk, what you did is still better than what I did to get rid of a friend, I talked, but it was followed with a few punches and knees to his head. However the benifit out of that was that I seemed to have gained respect from my other friends and was able to never be disrespected again. Because they were next on my list, but to this day, they really got the point of my seriousness on my distaste for being treated a certain way.

Remember this isnt a sitcom on t.v., there's no soft music playing in the background when a point is being made, and there isnt always kindness and lets just talk this out. Im not saying you need to beat the **** out of your friends, but sometimes its just best not to do a damn thing and they will either get the point and move on without you, or confront you and try to work things out.

Answer 3

LOL- really? A letter of "excommunication"?
WOW... if I were them, I'd be laughing my butt off.

Seriously tho- it's never a good idea to tell people what THEY did wrong, but rather what YOU precieved of what they did. You also shouldn't be able to tell them what they HAVE to do to be friends again. Friendship is a two way street. Maybe they need something from you too.

I hope you made the letters personal and didn't send them each the same thing.

Answer 4

I think writing to tell them how you feel is OK but then TELLING them what they should do to be friends with you again is a diff matter... IF what they did was wrong then they would make the right move without you even telling them HOW. I t doesnt need a brain to realize if you've hurt someones feelings...morality-wise you should know if you did a bad thing and if you should make up for it... if they dont wanna be your friend again perhaps they shouldnt be your friends at all!...BUT STILL...

Answer 5

Your decision of telling them your feelings is right thing to do, however the mode isn't. It should have been far better when you approached them personally and talked to them. They also might have some reasons why they committed such actions. And I don't think it's proper to give them conditions on how to win back your friendship again, if they do understand that a wrong thing must not be committed then it should come from them not from you.

Answer 6

I didn't catch the previous question, so I don't know what they did that was disrespectful. I do think you should have talked to them about it personally. (I have alot of room to talk, it took me 35 years to be able to share my beefs with people face to face, and I still don't always). But I did want to say that alot of times doing the right thing doesn't always feel the best. I would try to talk with them, because you obviously care about them still, and you aren't going to be able to work through your differences over paper. There may be some common ground you can agree to so that you can still maintain your friendship.

Answer 7

A letter of excommunication? Are you a church now? Lol.
Joking aside, a letter that describes why you did what you did/why you feel as you did is perfectly fine to deliver. That is you making your stand on YOUR terms (which allows you to be as articulate as possible) which is perfectly fine.

Answer 8

No, u should've told them in person. Besides, if they were disrespectful, they're NOT friends. Friends don't treat friends like that. Move on, make new friends who'll respect u & treat u right. They're the losers!! lol

Answer 9

Sandman it was better than letting things get out of hand .
If they are truly remorseful they will seek reconciliation . If not they are fair weathered.
I had a situation with friends disrespect full of my home and family . i let it get way out of hand and ended up exchanging blows with a person I had known all my life .
Be proud you intervened early enough
i

Answer 10

So, basically, you're asking the same question again? Sounds like you're scared. First of all, you should have been able to say it to their face, not write them a letter. Second of all, never look back.