A little backgound... I was with a guy for almost three years. He put me through a lot and i forgave him for things most never would. I was there with him raising his two small children and all he did was continually hurt me. The point i suppose is that things were always pretty bad. On the flip side i always felt i loved him. I would never question how much i did for him or the love i gave him without him giving me equal amounts of love or respect. We were very passionate but failed misserably with everything else so in the end after holding on way past the letting go part i left him for good.
Now i find that i have little or no passion with my new boyfriend and while i love him i don't think it even compares with the love or passion i felt for my ex. I feel horrible and confused because i know that he is perfect for me and is everything i have ever wanted so why then are my feelings so different from those i had with my ex?
Am i just not allowing myself to be happy?
2007-03-14 14:49:22 · 8 answers · asked by ♡ kalila♡ 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ok... to clarify i DO love my boyfriend and know that he is the man i'm going to marry. My question was basically if anyone had been in the same emotional state that i'm in concerning passion and giddyness.
Thank you for all of your answers so far your very helpful.
2007-03-14 15:23:20 · update #1
In love = lust and infatuation
love = what you want
I never felt butterflies in my stomach or nervous or even THAT MUCH physical attraction to my lover (even though he is the definition of 'hot' to many of my female friends) when we first started spending time together. I was just comfortable and thought he was interesting enough. Time passed and I grew to love him. I don't worry about being 'in love' sometimes I get a sort of spark of happiness and rather giddy because I get to be with him 'forever', but 'in love' that's so chick flick. Love is much deeper than 'in love'.
2007-03-14 14:58:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
You probably weren't in love with your ex, it was more like not bored. When two people love each other in the true sense of the word, they are there for each other, not abusive to each other, supportive in every way. I think you might have just been hooked on the excitement your ex brought into your life. Now you are comparing apples and oranges. No two loves are the same. Learn to enjoy what you have, real love is worth preserving.
On the other hand, if you don't have true and lasting feelings for the new beau, release him to find the love he deserves.
2007-03-14 22:12:06 · answer #2 · answered by Slimsmom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it could be that you felt all that passion and "in love" with your ex because of how badly he treated you. Your new boyfriend treats you well and you don't feel the adrenaline rush of anger, mistrust, fear that he'll leave, those things. Yes, I do think you can eventually fall in love, but I would hope you felt in love wtih him at the beginning of your relationship. I know my ex treated me badly, and my husband treats me well. There are times, long periods of time, where I feel like there's nothing between us because we do get along fairly well. I fall in and out of love with him on a regular basis. I think it's completely normal, but go with what feels right to you.
2007-03-14 22:01:24 · answer #3 · answered by 1978girl 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do you have a checklist in your head, comparing the two? I agree that either its there or it's not, but honestly, if you don't allow yourself to see him that way, you aren't going to.
You need to take a step back, and examine everything. If you don't allow yourself to see your bf for how he is, you are not going to fall in love with him. And if you can, or have, and you still aren't.. it's not going to happen. You don't grow to be in love with someone.
2007-03-14 22:18:21 · answer #4 · answered by Kaja 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it can happen, if two people are willing to improve and make compromises in their realtionship...
2007-03-14 21:53:38 · answer #5 · answered by =) 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ex, as in b/f or hubby?
2007-03-14 21:59:05 · answer #6 · answered by emerys4christ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's either there, or it's not! You can't make it happen. You don't love this guy....you're only kidding yourself!
2007-03-14 21:53:17 · answer #7 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
No. If it dont come easy, let it go
2007-03-14 21:54:21 · answer #8 · answered by Mensa Head 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋