I am 20 yrs. old. I have just been recently engaged to a wonderful man of 24 yrs old. We have been together for 6 months. I know in my heart this man is the man that I want to and gonna marry. We are going to wait for a few yrs. before getting married. I am so happy about the engagement that I would love to tell her but I am afraid that she will blow up about it.
2007-03-14 14:47:37 · 27 answers · asked by pinklady 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you're old enough to make your own decisions.. your parents have to decide if they want to be supportive or not, but they have no say in the matter anymore..
2007-03-14 14:50:52 · answer #1 · answered by Byakuya 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
She will want to know, so the only thing waiting a long time to tell her will do is make her "blow up about it" more.
Try making three lists. First, list the reasons why you "know in your heart this man is the man". List the big important stuff and the silly little things too. Anything and everything is good.
Next, list the reasons you think this is a good decision. (Engagement for a few years without married might make this list, for example).
Finally, make a list of the reasons you think she "will blow up about it." Start with the easy ones, and then try to imagine some of the reasons she might come back with if you try to answer the first question. Don't try to answer the questions - just put yourself in her shoes and try to imagine what she'd say!
One last step. Try to match your reasons on the first two lists to the questions on your third. Then take a little time to look over the matches and imagine how you'd answer each of her questions.
Then, take a deep breath, look her in the eye, and just talk to her about it. You can take the lists along with you if you want, and even show her the thought you've put into it. Will she still "blow up"? Maybe. But at least now you're prepared and can answer calmly and maturely...just what you want if you're hit with an explosion!
One last bit of advice - its your life. The reaction is hers. She has a right to "blow up" or kiss you or smile or cry. All you can do is control your words and actions, have a positive attitude, and be honest. Good luck!
2007-03-14 22:07:10 · answer #2 · answered by questionasker2414 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well if you are going to wait a few years to get married then you might want to warm her up to the idea over a month or so. Just make sure NOBODY else knows till your parents do. They tend to get upset if they aren't one of the first to find out. Your parents don't really have a say in your life anymore at your age, so they have to learn to accept it, and probably will eventually ( if not immediately) Be happy for you. As for having them blow up, that is posible. Some parents are afraid to let their children grow up, even if they are more than old enough. That is just a parent thing. Accept that if they do, and don't bother trying to fight with them about it. Just tell them the facts, that you are in Love that you are getting maried, and that you hope they will be at the wedding if you are going to have a ceremony. If they freak out about the news argueing with them won't fix anything, letting them cool off will be better.
2007-03-14 21:58:46 · answer #3 · answered by Malcolm L 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i dont mean to sound rude, but if you are afraid of what your mom will think, then you honestly shouldnt be engaged or getting married......
and not only for that reason>
lets start with #1; you are more afraid to tell your mom due to your "known" reactions to your news
#2; if you know what shes going to say then that might be due to because YOU KNOW she is right.
#3; if you were extremely happy and are GROWN up to do this then it shouldnt matter what ANYBODY SAYS.
LASTLY, if you say you are not going to marry for a few more years then thats not even bad> its one thing to say "hey mom, im getting married in a few months"
well i wish you all the luck in the world!
i am actually 21 and got married at 20 to my high school sweet heart of 5years... but because he joined the military...
just make sure you have the same desires in life and really get to know him... i wish you only the best... its not impossible so good luck! im ejoyin' it so i hope you get the chance to enjoy it too
2007-03-14 22:00:30 · answer #4 · answered by Jdez 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
When you tell her about your engagement I would also tell her of your plan to wait a few years all in the same breath that way she doesn't have time to get worked up. If she does, keep the conversation short and just say, I am very happy and hope you can be happy for me.
2007-03-14 21:57:18 · answer #5 · answered by Ambre B 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Most big kids doing things behind their parents' backs end up not so happy. Seems that the mom doesn't approve of something and you are blinded by "love". I know I would blow up, too, because my daughter is 20 and I expect to finish college.
2007-03-14 22:09:12 · answer #6 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are an adult now so your mother cannot tell you that you can't get married. Unless there is more to this story that you are not sharing I don't see why she wouldn't be happy for you. The only thing I would guess that may upset her is that you are still very young. Don't rush into something you are not totally and completely ready for.
Good luck!
2007-03-14 21:51:06 · answer #7 · answered by Raspberry 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why would your mom blow up? Does she see something you don't? Your b/f should be the one talking to her. The both of you need to take her out to a nice dinner then let him ask for your hand in marriage.
Hope this helps
2007-03-14 21:54:18 · answer #8 · answered by walker9842 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, I was in a similar situation...Just make sure she knows that you aren't going down the aisle for a few years and that you really love him and you truely feel that he is the one for you. Also, that you want to do it right and to be more ready for marriage you are going to wait until __________________ (whatever you are waiting a few years for).
Congrats, I know that you are sitting on top of the world right now!! Hope it goes well!!
2007-03-14 21:52:20 · answer #9 · answered by fwog_fwog 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you are ready to be a full-grown, functioning wife, then you are ready to make mom mad occasionally. If mom doesn't like the idea at first, she will warm up to it with evidence of your maturity and readiness. All mommas want to protect their babies, and yours is no exception. If you can't be a grown-up, then she has every right to be miffed....
You didn't mention if she had a good reason. Is your BF good to you? Is he ready for the function of husband? Are you going to go to pre-marital counselling? What investment are you willing to make in order to have a peaceful mother-in-law for the man you'd like to live with forever?
All things to think about.
Then, when you are ready to sell it to her, simply take the guy to mom's house or invite her to yours, and sell it!! Give her a good reason to be nice...and be nice to her. Hopefully, one day, you will be fostering a positive relationship with your own daughter.
Oh, and if you have to choose, be ready. sometimes you have to choose.
2007-03-14 21:56:22 · answer #10 · answered by sexymommyof3 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Just sit her down and telll her that u love each other and you will wait for a few years to get married.
2007-03-14 21:51:48 · answer #11 · answered by K SHIP 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋