I am trying to get my 9 mo old to self soothe and I need to know how long she can cry before I need to pick...

Question

her up and calm her, she won't go to sleep and if I pick her up she stops crying so there is nothing wrong. HELP?????

Answer 1

Okay, you are getting a whole lot of conflicting responses......Mine is a pretty middle of the road approach:

Put her down awake but tired. Give her a comfort item (a stuffed animal, blanket, whatever). Also I have the Fisher Price aquarium and swear by it. the music is very soothing. Put her down and leave the room immediately. My daughter would yell her head off if I was in the room, but stop the minute I left. I guess she felt annoyed that I was there, but not going to her.
If (or in this case when) she cries, wait a few minutes. like 5. go to her, rub her back, pat her head, be soothing, but DO NOT PICK HER UP. Leave. wait another 5 or 10 minutes of crying, go back and do the same thing. The only time you should be lifting her is if she has pulled up and you need to lay her back down. other than that, just patting and rubbing. that is it.
eventually she is going to figure out that she is not getting out of her bed and she will stay there.
the comfort item helps too. My daughter will not go to bed without her bunny. (we bought 5 so we always have one fresh, clean and ready for bed). She seems to not feel alone in her bed with him there. she clutches that thing in a death grip, but she stays in her bed.
I am against crying it out...........fussing it out is one thing. but when the baby starts really crying, they do not understand "tough love" or that mommy is trying to teach them something. they just know that mommy is not there. never let you kid cry for 2 hours. that is just mean. do a few minutes at a time. be generous with the soothing and love, but make it clear that bedtime is bedtime.
good luck!!!

Answer 2

As a mother of a 13 month old son who still does this I can empathize with how exhausting it can be at times. But, I do not agree with the "self-soothing" approach to child-rearing. A child is only this young for such a short period of time in the scheme of things and they need this time to learn that their needs will be met by people when they cry out for soothing. I think it's easier on you in the short-term to put your baby down and let her cry, but it's not best for her in the long-run because it gives her the wrong message. It teaches her that her feelings/needs are not important.

I understand that everyone parents differently... but I think it's bad advice if someone tells you to let your baby cry for extended periods of time. You're not training a dog to be more convenient for you... you're raising a child who you want to feel secure and loved. I know it's tiring, but sometimes being a parent is. It's the hardest job ever.

Best wishes.

Answer 3

I don't understand... why would you need her to comfort herself? I don't think you should let her cry at all but if your going to then just don't let it get past the part where she turns beat red and it affects her breathing. Maybe buy her a water mobile with ocean sounds and keep the room dark with just a nightlight on and see if the sounds and the movement of the mobile will soothe her.
Other than that... you have to take into account if your barely trying to get her to self soothe at 9 months old it might not happen.

Answer 4

well, i disagree...I did the cry out method, so did most all my friends, most of my family members & they are all fine!!They were much happier after I did it. they went from sleeping 7-8 hrs per night waking up several times to sleeping 12 hours straight & they were happier, more rested, not as cranky, but some people just wont or cant do it. To each his own. My pediatricians office recomeends it. Its called the Dr Ferber method or "ferberizing" It worked wonders at my house!

Answer 5

self soothe???? babies need comfort. not some rubbish from a wacky magazine. if she wahts a cuddle give her one. you surely cant be fed up with her already.she stops crying when you pick her up because you make her feel safe.stop ignoring your baby, you're her mum not her physcologist.maybe the dark scares her, maybe something in her crib is irritating her? could just be she's not tired. try keeping her awake longer through the day. could be bored.its up to you be with her(and her dad)she's a baby not a stroppy teenager.

Answer 6

I hate it when people say things like "crying never hurt anyone" or "if you hold that baby too much you're going to spoil her", blah, blah, blah. These people should have just gotten dogs instead of having children. I agree with Mendo_Mama. It seems that people who use the cry-it-out method are just looking for ways to make parenting more convenient and easier on THEMSELVES and aren't thinking about what's best for their babies emotional well-being. Seems pretty insensitive and wrong to me to let a baby cry for an hour like someone else said. What's wrong with these people!? No wonder there are so many messed up people in the U.S.A. Babies need to be held. Not stuck in cribs and left to cry because they're too much trouble to deal with! Yikes.

Answer 7

She just wants to be held by Mama. There is nothing wrong with that. In fact, it is a healthy sign of attachment. It is important that you respond to her cries. I don't believe in the whole 'self-soothing' mumbo-jumbo. They are babies, not little grown-ups. She needs to be comforted and held when she needs to be. It's been proven in scientific studies that human infants need a lot of touch and stimulation from their caregivers. I know it's exhausting sometimes, but that's why people say that parenting takes a lot out of you.

It is okay to set her down on occasion and let her cry if you must do something else. But I wouldn't make a habit out of it because she'll learn that she can't trust you to meet her emotional needs.

A great book is "The Baby Book" by Dr. Sears. You can buy it at amazon.com It has a lot of great parenting advice. The man is a pediatrician and raised 8 kids of his own.

Answer 8

Don't let your baby cry. You baby trusts you and you are destroying that trust by letting her cries go unanswered. It can be harmful psycologically and physically.
Check out
www.askdrsears.com
Your baby will learn to self soothe by being TAUGHT how, which means by example. Your baby is too young to self-soothe as of yet, but it will come. Rock your baby, hold her, sing to her, and enjoy these moment, because they won't last forever!

Answer 9

When she starts crying wait 15 then walk into the room and pat her back, then walk back out. Do this every 15 minutes until she stops. This lets her know you are still there and makes it easier for her to adjust to.

Answer 10

She is 9 months old! She has the next 90 years to be an adult and soothe herself.

Be a parent and take care of her. There is obviously a reason she is upset and feels her Mommy holding her is the only thing that can help. Why take that security away from her because it's inconvenient to you?