my husband makes me want to cry......?

Question

we got into an argument a few days ago about how he always leaves me and our daughte home alone which i dont like.
cause he gets to go out and do whatever he wants while im home cooking dinner, doing stuff with our daughter, etc.
I told him the way i feel about this and all he says is that its not his problem that i choose to stay home/feel this way.
He's usually driving his friends around and staying out until the early morning hours.
the way i see it is that his friends dont do a thing for him so why does he decide to treat them "better" than me?
he takes them places while we are stuck home. he basically caters to their every need (almost).
the first thing he did this morning was to run out and pick them up. he stopped by and dropped off his version of "dinner", and told me he was leaving again.
I want to cry so bad because of his behavior but i dont want my daughter to see me down.
seems like the talk with him didnt help so what could i do?
am i to blame?

We have been together for almost 6 years now our daughter is 3
he is 21 i am 22.
maybe we're too young for this.

Answer 1

Obviously he doesn't respect you, because he's putting his friends before you and your daughter.

He obviously doesn't realize that being a stay at home mom is hard work, with house keeping and taking care of your daughter. He needs to realize that you need a break, because your spending all day with your daughter, and you need adult time or alone time away to unwind. He sounds extremely selfish.

I understand that you don't want your daugther to see you down, but kids notice things more that we realize, and the stress from what your husband is doing is going to surface sooner or later.

I understand that talking with him yourself isn't working, but if you have a friend that can be there as a mediator might work.

I also think that it would do you both good to go through marriage counceling, even if he doesn't go, go by yourself.

I am sorry that he's treating you this way, nobody deserves to be neglected like you are.

Answer 2

First of all don't ever feel like this is your fault. He needs to grow up and be a real man. A real man puts his family before everything. Its ok to go out once in awhile alone, but there also needs to be time together as a couple, without his friends. Once a week try to have a date night with each other. If you can't find a babysitter or can't afford one then rent a movie and snuggle on the couch together. There also should be time when he is alone with your child, so you can get away from the house. It sounds like you don't work outside of the house, but you do have a job. Being a wife and mother is the hardest most undervalued job in the world. Be honest with him, without yelling or accusing him of anything and give him a few suggestions on things you can do as a family. If he doesn't start to put your family first you will end up resenting the hell out of him. Start your conversation with I statements. That way you are telling him how you feel and what is upsetting you without saying things like you are this, or you are doing that which will put him on the defense. Honesty is always the best policy in any relationship

Answer 3

All I have to say is you need to leave him and find someone that respects you and your daughter. Not to mention this kind of behavior is not good for your daughter nor you. And remember that it's OK to cry.......behind closed doors but don't let this man run over you like that. A little advice.....start doing your own thing ever now and then and watch him make a 360 turn around. But keep making dinner and doing your normal routine but make time for you. Start going out some ....even if it's just around the corner....put on your cutest outfit, fix up your hair and just go. Even if you don't stay out but for an hour......and see want he change. And if he don't that shows that he don't care one bit. Sometimes men just get to comfortable and forget what's or who is important. And NEVER blame yourself....you have a daughter that you need to be strong for and show her that you are strong, So she w ant grow up thinking that's the way things are between husband and wife. Just stay strong.

Answer 4

I am really sorry about what you're going through and for sure you're not to be blamed for his behaviour. Obviously he is immature and a little selfish. Perhaps it is good to remind him sometimes that he is married and have a family - because men sometimes forget these things.., but I guess, you've done that already.

It is hard for a woman to be a homemaker full time and doing all the things that we do to please our man, but non of the efforts are noticed or appreciated by them. Nothing we can do about that...BUT...you can do something for yourself.

Bawl your eyes out if you have to...cos it sure makes me feel better. Stop complaining anymore about his behaviour. Get a babysitter once a week, call up all your girlfriends, dress up and make yourself gorgeous, and have a wild night out just to de-stress. Nothing like a good clean fun with the girls.

You would be surprise sometimes on how that will effect the way your husband treats you after that. He will look at you very differently and perhaps would want to hang out with you more than before...(perhaps out of desire...or even jealousy..)

The downside would be, he could use your "girls-night-out" thing as an excuse to hang out with his friends even more. If that is the case, and if your situation is not thoroughly ironed out, then this could get really ugly.

Ask yourself if you're willing to wait for him till he "grow-up" and mature for his family. This could take years...and from personal experience, no man is worth that long a wait because on the other side of the coin, he is not waiting for you, is he ?

Take care of your child and yourself first. He's a big boy, he can take care of himself. And being a husband in fact, he should take care of the both of you..but I guess, he's got his priorities all wrong.

Answer 5

no you are not to blame. some men dont realize what it means to be a family man. unfortunately it sounds like you have one of those men. i think that you need to put your foot down and tell him how you feel and that you wont tolerate it. get another vehicle if you can or leave your daughter with him and go out and leave him there see how he likes it. i dont necessarily think that going out like he is is the best answer though if you want to have more family time and he wont give up this nonsense with his buddys wich should only be a sometimes thing and not an always thing maybe you should consider a separation from him and see if that will change him and make him think more about how you feel. he might take you more seriously .if nothingg else works either stay with him and continue to be unhappy or divorce and find someone who makes you feel better.

Answer 6

It sounds like your husband would rather do his own thing than take care of his responsibiities. Everything in my marriage is fine but there has been times that my husband would just do whatever on his days off and didnt make time for us. He works all the time and deserves a break I respect that but in my book work,family, then time for socializing or me time. Your daughter is going to grow up resenting him b/c he wasnt there he needs a wake up call. You are his wife and for a marriage to work he needs to be there. i am a mother to and I like getting out I dont party but I do like getting dressed up and getting my kids dressed up just to go shopping or looking around. It keeps me from being bored and I feel good about myself at the same time. When my husband always wanted to do things w/ his friends after i told him that it bothered me he wasnt here enough and told him that if he didnt try to be more involved w/ us that i would leave him and that opened his eyes. You tell your husband again that this bothers you and if he cant respect your feelings then leave him its 2 in a marriage and right now its sounds like you are a lone.

Answer 7

Well he needs to grow up. As a father and a husband he has obligations. Tell you don't mind having he guy time but you like sometime as a family and one on one time. Plan a romantic evening and reward him for cooperating and plan a day in the park with as family. Less complaining and more action. If all attempts fail then maybe he is just not ready to be a family man. Good luck

Answer 8

how old is he? you? he's immature or he's trying to sabotage the relationship. Don't be a doormat. You are going above and beyond by not throwing a tantrum everytime he leaves and or comes home. It's time for you to put it down and tell him if he wants to be single he's on the right path. Some men just need to grow up but won't get it until their family has LEFT. Don't cry - get a backbone.

Answer 9

You are not to blame. My husband goes out with his friends all the time. When's the last time I went out without my daughter? Well....other than work and work functions....I couldn't tell you. My husband caters to his friend's needs too. It's frustrating because he really doesn't see that I'm home alone all the time and that it makes me miserable. Quite honestly, I asked him to stay home with me this weekend, and he did, and we had a great time. We used to spend all our time together, and this weekend was just like that. I don't know if it's changed a thing, but at least he knows he can have just as good a time at home as he can while he's out. I know exactly how you feel, and I think we might just have to wait for them to grow up.

Answer 10

My suggestion is this, put your foot down and mean it. I would tell him that you and your daughter deserve more of his time and that you are tired of being a single parent, even though you are married. If things don't change, then tell him to go with you to counseling and if he won't, then make time to go by yourself.

If you don't put your foot down and keep it there, then he will continue to do as he pleases while you and your daughter spend your time without a husband and a Daddy. It's all part of the growing up process, you never mentioned how long you have been married, how old you both are...

Good luck!!