Love? How do decide in the name of love?

Question

It sais that true love thinks first on the other then on oneself.
But what happens if you love two people. For example you love your husband and he has a wish for some thing. You want to fulfil his wish, so he can be happy.
What but if his wish makes you feel it is not good for your child, whom you also love the same? If this child is in "reality" harmed with this action is not the question, if you just have the feeling as a mother it "will".
How do you practise love in such a case? You know if you say no to your husbands request, this chance will never be offered to him. You but also know that if you say yes, your child might get a "disatvantage" through this in his childhood years and you can be pretty sure he will.
How on earth do you know what is here the right decision?

I mean, how "to" decide in the name of love.

This is for me a general question, something which happened to me "many" years ago, that my husband had a job offer and told me about that when I was 8 months pregnant. The offer asked to move to another continent right after the birth of my son. It was a great offer, but this idea that my son would had to move to another continent and then in the coming years move back and forward due to this business, I felt was not good. And now years later I realise it had its major disatvantages for my son, still he is indeed fine today.
But at this time I was ripped into two directions and would I had the experience I had now, I would probably even say no to my husbands wish as I felt it was not good for my son and in many aspect it was not and also myself would had liked it otherwise.
To make a good decision in "such" a confusing situation, I find still hard.

The reason why I ask this here is as I want to make peace with this experience.
My son is okay (now), my marriage went down the drain from this day on.
I was myself never really sure what would had been the "right" decision, as I myself did not want to move. All the coming years I lived a half-hearted life as my decision was half-hearted.
I only want to learn never to repeat such a mistake. Perhaps I get here some inspiration, perhaps not.

Answer 1

Sometimes you just have to make the best decision you can given the circumstances. There is no right answer. You love your husband & your child & want what is best for both of them. You have to weigh the pros & cons for both. Perhaps a job opportunity elsewhere would be more lucrative, so even though it would be difficult to uproot the child in the short term, in the long run it may lead to a better standard of living & quality of life. Don't stress yourself out! Sometimes there is no right or wrong answer, you just think about it, weigh your options & then make what you believe is the best decision & hope for the best.

Don't forget you also have to love yourself. Don't stress yourself out thinking you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. We are human. We make mistakes. Every turn in the journey is another chance to grow. If you love your husband and child then no matter where you all live & no matter what you do then they are lucky to have you & you're doing the best you can. Don't worry "what if" or you'll drive yourself crazy! Make a decision & then commit to it. Don't second guess yourself. Make the best of it. No matter what, you will be ok. If a child is loved then that is all they need, no matter what happens or where you live. You can not protect them from change, stress, adversity. These things happen in life regardless. The important thing is to provide a loving family to help them be strong & give them a good foundation with which to face the rest of their lives.

Good luck!

Remember, whatever you decide, you will all be ok.
Take care.

Answer 2

When I first looked at your question, I felt it would take quite some thought. I looked at your first answers, & it seemed they didn't "quite" get what you were saying. As for me, in reading it a couple of times, I perceived that this experience was in the past, & you were asking for a basic "concept" to guide you in the future. I went out to get my evening brandy & considered 2 primary things; that decisions are based on a specific situation, & thus there can never be a "rule." Also, that your focus appeared to be more on your husband & child, & not so much on YOURSELF. When I got back, I saw amp's answer. I honestly don't believe you will get a better answer, sweetie. It was so thoughtful, & wise. So, I really needn't spend more time here! Just to stress that YOU are in the equation as well, & that no matter how carefully evaluated a decision, the outcome can be so unpredictable. We can never be ABSOLUTELY sure, just do the best we can. amp deserves SIX stars from you!

Answer 3

They're 2 different kinds of love. Why do you have to choose? Generally, professionals say that the marriage should always come first. Show the child that the marriage is solid and the parents are not going to be set against each other by the child. If you have situations where you literally have to decide what is best because one choice will actually harm one family member, then you all need some professional help.

Answer 4

Let me tell ya, I am a mother of two and I love them more than anything or any one else. I also have a husband that is not their father and I love him. If I thought for one min that he is doing something that I don't think is right for my kids I wont hesitate to let him know and over rule his decision. My kids will all ways come first and foremost. No matter how big or small the "problem" is that you are talking about you as a mother have to put your child first. You are the one that took on the responsibility of having this child. You are the one that has to make sure that your child is not hurt in life at least until he is 18.

Answer 5

Well I think you need to be more specific about what you are talking about. If the husband you are talking about is not your child's father you MUST put your child first. If your husband is the child's father then wtf is his first priority not his child? You are a mother: your first duty is to your child. Unless you want to end up with a screwed-up kid on your hands.

Answer 6

why don't you just say what your situation is. Sounds like you have a kid and are divorced and some jerk is asking you to choose between him and the kid (like sending the kid packing off to his "real" dad) and to that I say there is no dilemna at all, the guy is a jerk for even asking and he isn't worthy of your affection.

Answer 7

If it were me, I'd err on the side of caution. A job's a job, but your kids are yours until you kick the bucket; I'd have chosen the kid first. Sorry...

Answer 8

wow thats hard... if its going to harm the kid mentally or physically, DON'T!

Answer 9

huh?