can i trust my husband's "running partner"?

Question

he's an ironman, she's an unattached marathoner. i'm the stay at home mom/wife. when she first met him, she asked if he was married. they run together several times a week, often for hours at a time. He says "trust me". I find this difficult as we've had trust issues in the past. My gut says i'm a fool for letting them hang out together. He wants to convince me it's "just that they're schedules are similiar". Am i crazy to ask him not to run (alone) with her? i'd appreciate another (male?) perspective....

the level of training for an ironman or marathon far exceeds my skill/fitness level. i'm not exactly a fat lazy slob, but there's no way i could keep up with them on a training run.

Answer 1

I'm not a male - but I'd say you either trust him or you don't. Asking him not to run with her is saying "I do not trust you".

Give him the opportunity to live up to your expectations, the chance to resolve the past trust issues.

Innocent until proven guilty and all that - if you insist he not do things out of fear it will not give you the security you seek, only letting him prove his trustworthiness will do that.

Answer 2

You say you've had trust issues in the past.....listen to your gut but don't be paranoid either. Most women know in their hearts when something isn't right. My husband has interests that I don't share, but he knows that no matter what (or how innocent) he and another woman may have in common, it's inappropriate to spend time alone or partnered up with someone of the opposite sex, unless it is work-related or a family member. It's not because of lack of trust - it's a safeguard; because ANYONE can make a mistake and get too close. Ask him if he would mind if the situation were reversed and you were the one with the running buddy? Have a honest heart to heart with your husband and tell him that you understand how he feels, but that it makes you very uncomfortable and you would appreciate it if he chose another running buddy - preferably another guy.

If he takes your feelings into consideration, he will see no other option but to tell the chick to take a walk. Good luck hon.

Answer 3

Oh Man. Well. Either you tell him how you feel, and trust him with all your heart OR you become his new running partner. Either way you need to confront him, especially if there have been trust issues in the past.
But if you know for sure that the unattached marathong runner is flirting with your spouse you might want to keep an eye out-- Maybe they should tell you exactly where they are going, how much they are running.. you know try to work in questions you might have into a conversation, that way you wont seem over-protected.
GOOD LUCK !

Answer 4

I would be very worried if I were you,I remember my husband saying to me, I can't believe you don't trust me.he would talk to much about a co-worker which happened to be a female.When I saw her I didn't think I had anything to worry about because of her looks. If you were to see her walking down the street you wouldn't give her a second look let alone the first she was the complete opposite of me.I guess that was the appeal the fact that I was different from her.Remember men are born liars they are good at it and they don't have a problem looking you straight in your eyes and telling you what you want to hear.If I were you I would put a stop to it right away if he has a problem with that then it is ti late he has went all the way to the point of no return.

Answer 5

Sounds like it is him you should be asking the question about trust. Let him come up with the solution and it is not running with her. If he really cares about you, he will find an alternative. When someone says "trust me", watch out, because you can not trust that person. He could easily break it off if he wanted to. Other males would probably reply that there is nothing wrong with this situation.

Answer 6

Listen to your intuition...do you have any reason to not trust him now? I race ironman and ultras and run with several married men and they are JUST training partners. it is great to have company on long runs and even having someone to share long dreadfull treadmill runs in the winter.

I am single and have never even thought about dating any of them...even the single ones. Being an ironman is hard enough-two in the family is too much!!!

Maybe get together with them for breakfast after they run (maybe on a weekend)...get to know her. Often that is the best defense :-)

Answer 7

I'm not male, but I would think that past experience dictates one of two things. He either respects the fact that his past POOR behavior is something that has marred your trust for him and act accordingly, or you go get a private investigator to find out the truth of the matter. So it's more important for your husband to have a running partner than it is to make sure you feel secure in the marriage? He sounds awfully selfish to me.

Answer 8

Sorry I am a female and I couldnt help it. Sorry I dont buy it the convience of their schedules are similiar story. Yes you are crazy. I would get a babysitter. Rent a car with darkened windows..(they are legal here in Canada I think anyways ,,are they there not sure) and I would follow him..and see for myself.
Another suggestion take a deep interest in tennis and get a drop dead gorgeous teacher that happens to have the time available to teach you as you have to be taught..;-)

Answer 9

I am not a male, but there is no way I would put up with this, it may be innocence right now but what could this lead to, no need in taking a chance, tell him you will get a baby sitter and start running with him

Answer 10

Tell him its time to get a male running partner, or maybe you need to take up running.If you have had trust issues, then tell him not to test your trust constantly and also dont play with fire.