sleeping on the tounge of the beast
my legs gone
my lungs slowly being crushed
I sleep waiting for death
on the tounge of the beast
eyes black as coal
its belly white as snow
I sleep waiting for death
on the tounge of the beast
a dead seagull rests near my shoulder
a hook pierces my eye
I sleep waiting for death
of the tounge of the beast
water in water out
I slide deeper into darkness
I sleep waiting for death
on the tounge of the beast
my air now gone
my time has come
as I slip from its tounge
into the darkess
I now sleep forever
In the great white beast
2007-03-14 12:34:09 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
It seems to be a rite of passage that every kid in the world write about death and dying before they are 17. I guess it comes from the discovery of their own mortality. The poem is OK - meter is a bit off - not much flow. Images are a bit too vivid for me. Why a hook in your eye and a dead seagull on your shoulder? I see no reason for those images really. They dont seem to fit really. Try writing something happy now that the beast killed you. C.
2007-03-14 12:41:50 · answer #1 · answered by Persiphone_Hellecat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
very well written. you should have your poems published in a book of your own. you might be able to do it at this website
www.poetry.com
you can also write poetry for free there and win money awards and get your poem in one of their books. once you write a poem there its coprighted meaning no one can steal it...Good for you keep up the good work...if you have any more great poems youde like to share feel free to email me ide love to read them and give feedback. kitty45342@yahoo.com
2007-03-14 19:40:03 · answer #2 · answered by kitty45342 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
while I like your creativity and am fond of morbid stuff myself the poem...er....not all that great. But dont let that discourage you. Why the great " white" beast? odd as a ref. for death if that was your intention. or did you just watch jaws for the first time :-)
2007-03-14 19:45:54 · answer #3 · answered by jdw1970 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you explain in the details what was your purpose of writing this poem or tell what it means?
2007-03-14 19:39:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wo your good at writing poems
or did u just got this off a book?
wanna hear mine?
roses r red
velets r blue
i'm so cute and so r u
2007-03-14 19:37:36 · answer #5 · answered by hotfairy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im not sure of the question but this is a little scary good but scary well done!
2007-03-14 19:37:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's the feel good poem of the year...
2007-03-14 19:36:40 · answer #7 · answered by music junkie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nice. but isn't it tongue? instead of tounge...
2007-03-15 01:06:19 · answer #8 · answered by ficklefeather 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
TOO GOTHIC FOR ME AEIY!
2007-03-14 19:37:21 · answer #9 · answered by A. RMZ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋