how can i make this paragraph more interesting and convincing?

Question

It's clear that a person is quilty of murder the person should be sentenced to death, justice must be served. Placing murderer's into prison may not be a tough enough punishment. If they are sent back out into the world, who say's he/she isn't going to murder again? Of the 2,575 prisoners sentenced to death in 1992, 1 out of 11 had a prior conviction of homicide
(BJS 12-92). This means additional people had to die before these murderers were sentenced to death. By executing the murderers the first time a round, justice will be served. The punishment would fit the crime and family's and victim's ill be assured that their children are safe with one less murderer roming around.

Please help me out im not sure how i can make this paragraph more interesting and convincing. Thank you so much.

Answer 1

One thing I would change is the wording of the first sentence. Reading it out loud just sounds a bit awkward. Maybe say.. "It is clear that a person who is guilty of murder should be sentence to death." You can leave out the 'justice must be served part' because it is mentioned later on in the paragraph and you do not want to get repetitive.

Also I would get rid of any contractions, making the paragraph more formal which would help it to be convincing. Sometimes you use " 's " in grammatically incorrect places and be careful of your spelling. (though I realize you just typed this in quickly)

Perhaps add a more clear conclusion to get your message across.

Answer 2

First off, convince by using correct grammar/spelling…

Second, avoid words like “may, might, if, or could” – use words like “must, will, when and should” – these are more persuasive.

Third, avoid questions that could be answered in opposition to your argument.

Finally, don’t repeat things – “justice will be served” really doesn’t help your argument, and by repeating it, it looks like you don’t have enough solid evidence and are trying to use “fluff”

It's clear that a person who is guilty of murder should be sentenced to death; justice must be served. Placing murderers into prison is simply not tough enough punishment because of parole issues. When convicted murderers are sent back out into the world, 9% of them commit the same crime; in fact, of the 2,575 prisoners sentenced to death in 1992, 1 out of 11 had a prior conviction of homicide. (BJS 12-92). This means additional people had to die before these murderers were sentenced to death. Executing convicted murderers insures that repeat offenders will be stopped before they can execute a second son, daughter, mother or father.

Answer 3

Take out the question and re-word it into a statement. You should never ask a question in an essay. Instead say, "If a prisoner is released back into society, there is no guarantee that he or she will not murder again." That little change will make a big difference. Double-check all of your grammar too, because there are some errors.

Good luck!

Answer 4

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