what do i do she always trys to use my husband aginst me!! like for example she will pull him away and fuss to him about me.. how can i get this to stop and how can i get my husband to defend me aginst her.... please help!!!
2007-03-14 11:41:33 · 28 answers · asked by Jessika 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your husband needs to use his spine. He married you and it is his job to defend you to his family. Let him know that you expect this.
2007-03-14 11:45:15 · answer #1 · answered by Liza 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Two women are possessive of the same guy and put him in the middle of their war. Not the husband/son is a tough guy. But it is exactly because he is not strong, the mother and the wife are able to manipulate him,
Usually, neither the mother nor the wife is perfectly innocent or total victim. They have a way of finding stupid little things to start WWIII.
2007-03-14 18:58:51 · answer #2 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is your mother-in-law living with you? How often is this happening? ALL of it will stop when your husband realizes this dilemma and tells his mom that he loves you and it's gonna stay that way. Be prepared, however, in that the situation may not be as harsh as you think it is, and that it was your imagination. If husband doesnt realize this, and you know for a fact that his mother does not have faith in you, then the ultimate is to call for a full conference and clear the air! The most apologetic should buy the pizza :-))
2007-03-14 18:50:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
I think that your husband doesn't have a 'back bone' to defend his wife from a disrespectful mother. He is not a 'real man' to defend you in anyway.
You need to address this to him and let him know how you feel about her using him to get her way. He needs to stand up for you and he needs to stand up to her and tell her that her behavior is not tolerated. He needs to stop putting his mother first before you. He just needs to tell her to stop making you look bad and to stop talking behind your back.
Your mother-in-law is going to be who she is and you can't change who she is. But, you can change it when she starts acting evil towards you by telling her you don't tolerate it and just be polite about it.
Importantly, he needs to be that man and husband that you want him to be. Time to cut the umbilical cord from his mom!
2007-03-14 18:56:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You might express your concerns to your husband. he should stand up for you. I don't know the situation but examine it . Is she right some of the time. If she disagrees with you don't argue with her because chances are that is what she is trying to do. Just as politely as possible agree to disagree and tell her you won't argue with her. Mothers sometimes have a hard time giving up control especially when another woman has influence over her baby boy. I guess it all depends on how often you see her and how close she lives to you. But don't let her run your household. Admit you will make mistakes but their yours to make. She raised her family now it is time to step back and let you and your husband make your own choices. Tell her you love her (you might eventuallly)and you respect her advice and that she did a fine job raising her son, but you are going to make your own choices. you have got to get your husband on board to make this work and you have to be reasonable. Sometimes when someone irritates us we can be unreasonable.
2007-03-14 18:54:23 · answer #5 · answered by zookeeper 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You have to handle this with your husband. He has to decide in word AND deed that you are more important to him now than his mother. There is a very wise verse in Genesis in the Bible, where God tells men to leave their homes and make one with their wives. God knew that men cling to mommy waaaay beyond what is necessary. It's time for him to cut the apron strings.
How? Tell him that you know he loves you, but you constantly feel like he chooses his mom over you. He will give you the usual groan. Then tell him that you are not angry, but disappointed (Oooooo, that's going to hurt. You see, angry you can fight with, but disappointed - no ammo. We have absolutely no ammo for that one - disarmed!). Tell him that you need a husband that will defend you against everyone, even his own mother. Tell him you know that he is that kind of husband, but you want her to know it. Tell him to choose you over her. Remind him that she makes a mean apple pie, but no pie is better than ... dare I say it ... hell yeah ... yours!! Hopefully your play on words will break any tension, but it will also get your point across, which is mom's are important and mom's are nice, but wives should trump'em every time - EVERYTIME!!
2007-03-14 18:53:31 · answer #6 · answered by Dino 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Oh girl do i know that problem first hand but i put a stop to it myself well with my hubby having my back 100% you see he is a mamas boy and you need to nip it in the *** right now you need to let him know how you feel about it and that you come first now no matter what
2007-03-14 19:03:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
At some point in time every husband needs to decide who is a higher priority. His mommy or his wife. Sounds like your husband needs to make that choice.
2007-03-14 18:54:51 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Never had this problem my hubby would stand up for me but this is what he had to say about the subject:
Tell him to buck up and be a man, you are his wife and he should not have to be told to stand up for his wife, tell him to tell his mother to cut it out or else she will not be welcome around you or him
She needs to learn respect and he needs to grow up and be a man....... I agree with my husband on this one
2007-03-14 20:33:54 · answer #9 · answered by Scooter 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't let her know she's bothering you, it sounds like a control thing. she wants to run you away. lay it straight to your spouse he has to defend you unless you are totally wrong, but he should be loyal to you, your the one he lives with. don't involve her for a while and see if she gets the hint to mellow out. good luck.
2007-03-14 19:18:38 · answer #10 · answered by proudmom 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋