Young couples, how often and for what reason do you have an argument?

Question

I've asked how you can be sure that you are in love in another question. "I've been with my partner for more than a year, I feel comfortable with him and he spoils me a lot. I feel quite settled, but I'm still not very sure if he is the ONE. Maybe I'm too picky, when I talk to my friends about my dreamed husband, they all say that a perfect man like that doesn't exist or at least very difficult to find. I'm not sure also because I don't feel excited every time when I'm about to see him. " But in addition to that, I think the reason why I'm not so sure about if he is the one is that we have arguments quite often recently, most are about small things, like he keeps forgetting things that I tell him and he even insists that I didn't tell him the things he forgets first and then admits he's wrong. Anyway, most of the time in the end he would admit he's wrong. The thing is I don't mind if he forgets things I tell him, but I mind if he cares about listening to me. Is our situation normal?

I know man can only do one thing at a time, but on the other hand he often remembers all the stupid not important things. We have talked about it many times, and I made it very clear that I'm not upset because of the content that he doesn't remember, I'm upset because he doesn't pay enough attention to me when I'm talking to him. But after many long talks, he still constantly forgets what I said. He said to me that it bothers him a lot too, and he has been trying to do better, but still not much change.

Answer 1

There's no such thing as a perfect man. What you really need to be concerned with is the imperfections.

You have to discover what you can put up with that you don't like, that is, to you, imperfect. Relationships are about compromise and forgiving. If you can forgive each others imperfections and put up with them you're as near to perfect as you can get.

I argue with my bloke quite a lot, never had a relationship like it... but, we are both passionate and spark each other off. Better to argue than to stew and explode! Depends how it makes you feel.

Good luck though!

Answer 2

In all honesty, my boyfriend and I have not argued once and we've been together just over a year, and only spent 10 days out of the last 10months apart. We've only disagreed once and that was to do with the car (he drives mine and is on my insurance which I pay for) and I think that was only to do with male pride.
It's perfectly normal to have an argument every now and then (heck,I could do with one as it's been so long since I last had one!!) and don't let a couple of small arguments put a cloud over a perfectly healthy relationship. It sounds like you have a good relationship and it'd be a shame to let it go downhill cos this.

Answer 3

This reminds me a lot of a previous relationship of mine,
I asked these questions to my friends at the time are the arguements normal, all I got was arguements are healthy, I dont think they are, if you dont find out the root of the arguements what they really are about, not the small insignificant things the words that are coming out about, think about the other stuff how your feeling. I found with my ex I could never resolve an arguement fully and I realised after I finished with him that we were argueing as we didnt get on with each other and the issue that needed to be resolved was one that was unresolvable we just didnt work as a couple. It took me me a long time to finish with him, but when I did, it was the best thing I ever did, soon after I split up with the ex I found someone, who made me feel all the things I never knew existed, I realised that the person that I was with before I didnt love him, I never loved him I was in love with the idea of being in love, I realise now I've seen the ex a few times picking up my stuff that I dont even know what I was doing with him for so long, I wasnt happy and the arguements took so much out of me. My partner now is everything I could ever ask for and more, if i'd ever written a list of qualities of a dream man, he would tick all the boxes and some i'd never even thought about, so they do exist somewhere it just takes a long time to find them these lovely men :O) also with my partner now, arguements dont really exist, we talk everything out, no screaming or shouting or slamming around.

I think you need to do some thinking and try to do some talking, see what you come up with, but theres no rush, what will be will be.

Good Luck
Nothing is normal everything is extraodinary
Rachie
xxx

p.s love, you know how love feels and is when you find it and you know its love, if you dont know whether you love someone, you don't love them. Thats how i think of it in my experience anyway.

Answer 4

My partner and I have been together for 11 years we have 4 kids I'm 29 and he is 31. We agree to disagree. When we first got together we bickered alot but as the relasionship grew we thought there's no point in arguing. If we do feel like we are going to explode we tell each other and then laugh because at the end of the day there is no point

Answer 5

all couples have ups and downs my husband and i can go for a month without arguing and then spend a week or longer snipping about every little thing but we love each other so we work through the problems we argue about normal things like money and not having any free time (he works over 60 hours a week plus 20 extra on call and i have the baby and the house i have to take care of) but after 3 1/2 years we are still as in love as when we started dating even after marriage and a baby...........ya'll are probably just stressed if you love him stick it out and try to fix it if you really think hes not the one let it go and dont waste any more time but remember all relationships are work your never going to find one that takes care of itself you gotta put effort in

Answer 6

well we fright over the dog which is very silly i think like u said he spoils u so u taj=ke him for granted aslo men do forget i have told my guy so many times to put his clother s in the wash basket instead of on the floor he forgets lol it get s me mad so now i say repeat after me we end up laughing about it u seem very up tight and trying to pick things about him are u scared to love him it somthing i use to do to push a guy away as i was afaid of getting hurt my now partner was so good that i let down the wall and relaed and for onnce enjoyed the closeness of him now we getting marreid this year i think ur boyfriend does listen to the imporant things but not nagging just relax enjoy and sit down with him and talk to him how u feel he will listen i wish u luck he sounds a normal man who loves u

Answer 7

You feel irritated with the relationship, so you pick on him about his forgetfulness. You're not sure that you love him which is making you worry that he doesn't love you, that is why you're being so hard on him for "not listening" - you are looking for signs that tell you he doesn't love you. All of the arguments are a result of your feelings (your nagging him) so you need to find out if you do love him.
Don't expect love to be just like the movies. This is real life, love is hard aswell as fulfilling. Arguments happen and doubts come every now and then. Relationships take alot of work and are worth it if you love him.
So, do you love him?
Imagine now that he's left you for another girl and you can see him walking with her. He looks happy with her - they are in love. Does that thought break your heart?
I went through a very similar phase with my relationship. I compared my relationship to love songs and movies and thought that I might not love him. I imagined him with another girl and it really did hurt to think about. 4 years on and we've just had our 5th anniversary.
Be careful you don't loose out on the one you love. If you do want to stay with him, treat him a little better.
It's a totally normal thing to go through

Answer 8

rows are mostly money ,sex ,kids or small stupid things,
things always change after a while the spark goes but surely you can get the excitement back men never listen while they are watching the TV remember women are able to multitask not men they can only do one thing at a time. be patient and give and take

Answer 9

ALL COUPLES ARGUE !
Its natural and i wouldnt put to much emphasis on it hun, and they are mostly about nothing and stupid things.
Last one i had with my wife was about there being rust on the tin opener wheel believe it or not.
You need to look past the arguments as to what you DEEPLY feel for him, rather than the skin deep 'i want to smash his face in'.
You no different from anyone else.
Its when couples dont argue you need to worry.

Answer 10

Once or twice a week over nothing,
your situation seems like a mirror of my life, and that of a friend of mine.