Why do I often look at (check out) attractive women, even in front of my wife with a low self-image.?

Question

I know she had image issues when I met her. But this only makes things between us worse. I do not want to be the cause of pain and I should know better. And how can I stop? Does her constant " I don't like how I look" contribute at all?

Answer 1

Maybe because you are an inconsiderate low-life ...

Answer 2

You looking at other women, comes from you! Not from your wife.. Yes, a low self esteem can contribute to your feelings towards her, but look at it this way, if your wife did it to you, how would you feel? Do you tell her she's attractive? That she means the world to you? She is your WIFE, you should be doing everything possible to help her through this. Go and get her a manicure or treat her to a day at a health spa. Maybe some couple counselling would benefit you both. Your a brave man asking this question!! Hope you don't get attacked too much.. :-)

Answer 3

Man are you getting yr rump kicked by some of these answers.
It's a tough place your in. U are innocent. Sure u cld do what u can to avoid "looking" but that would be ignoring yr wife's problem. U both may need to go to counselling. But first... do everything and more to pay attention to her, make a fuss over her. Tell her the great person she is, and tell other ppl in front of her! There are reasons from her past that make her feel she's not good enough.
U may think u r attentive but take a good look at yr actions. She needs every bit of attention and love from u.
Counselling...
And ladies... cut this crap about this poor guy looking! U don't look b/c u are partnered with someone???
I am 100% behind same sex marriage. Same sex couples both look at the SAME sex and share the experience & r rarely threatened.

Answer 4

If this is an issue and you want to try and make her feel better you need to stop looking at these other women. Maybe you are used to it and dont even realize what you are doing. You need to be more conscience of your action and try harder to stop letting you eyes stray. Maybe your wives self-esteem would not be so low is she saw that when a beautiful woman walked by you were still only interested in looking at her.

You also need to be truthful with her. Tell her that you don't realize that you are doing it and that you really are going to try your hardest to stop. Tell her that she is beautiful whether she believes it or not and make her feel beautiful all the time, but showing you interest in her and not in these other women.

Answer 5

Wow,that is horrible of u ,u can help ur wife to look the way u want her to be ,make nice compilment about the dress u saw in a store and u want her to wear it for u ,buy the things that u like on this women and let ur woman wear it for u ,give her a chance to get closer to u,and there are things u love now that was not b4 we all change but is good to change for better not worst ,so tell her what u feel it will make a big difference.good luck.

Answer 6

man, i feel your pain, i have a fiance that is always talking about how bad she looks even when shes the best looking girl in a crowd. It definately makes me think less of her sometimes. Im totally in love with her and will love her forever. We have faught over this very same issue more than once. Now when she says something like "look how fat the jeans make my *** look" i just agree and she really has slowed down with the comments. I'm not saying this is the answer for your circumstance because all women are different. I hope this helps. its good to know i'm not the only one!

Answer 7

Brother, we are part of creation. We are creatures. It isn't anything to be ashamed of to have sexual instincts; and its fairly normal for us men to be allured by the power of female sensuality. I think this is how the world keeps going. It's wonderful.

But, problems come when we feel guilty about keeping secrets from our spouses because we think they are incompetent. Maybe sharing your attractions to other women will help your wife's self-image. It's altogether likely that she's got the same sort of attractions.

If you start talking about your feelings with her, just maybe the intimacy in your marriage will grow. That may be a real step forward for both of you. It is freeing to really be known and to know another; and marriage is the best place ... the very best place ... for that to happen.

Like all of us, maybe you need to try more at being a true-man! I think, as husbands, we all have a major role in helping our wives find their true 'self'. Brother, maybe its time to start opening up? This takes some real trust ... some real love!

Answer 8

This is not about her this is about you. You are disrespect full!
It's one thing to look at an attractive woman but another to make it so noticeable where you are at the point that your wife has a low self-image. I don't know if you are ready for the cover of GQ but a good man would never treat his wife that way. A good man makes his wife feel special and beautiful.

Answer 9

It's okay to look at people/things you think are attractive - but how exactly are you "checking out" the other women? Is it just a glance or are you looking her up and down, and really staring or gawking? There is a difference. Visual stimulation is natural, for men and women, but there is a line that should not be crossed. Your wife obviously had to be attractive enough for you to check out and marry - remind her of that all the time. And I think it would be a good idea to talk to her about what you do, see what she says. Does she notice? Has she said something to you about it? Are you that obvious? There is a subtle way of appreciating beauty without it being a pathetic action. My ex-husband and I would ask each other, do you think she's pretty? do you think he's good looking or handsome? I see nothing wrong with that, it's including your spouse in something that you see as attractive - not excluding her by staring at someone else. Just need to be considerate to her feelings I think, not an obvious jerk about it. :-)

Answer 10

Well in my view,there is nothing wrong with looking but if your in a relationship DO NOT TOUCH!!!!
Im married,very happily and i still see a guy walking past and think"geez what a hottie"but id never ever have an affair.I always have said to my husband you can look but dont touch,you have to be like this cause everybody looks at people,its only human but it dosnt mean that your not happy with your partner.By saying look though too i mean a quick perve not full on staring and constant checking out.Far out then id get jealous.

Answer 11

Okay, I cannot say why especially if you cannot say why. To counteract your disrespectful ogling you may point out that you look at everyone (male/female, attractive./unattractive) and are not checking anyone out. Maybe compliment her or tell her they have nothing on her or that the outfit they have on would look fabulous on her. She may not buy it, especially if she has a low self-image. Basically she is responsible for her self-image and not you, just as you and no one else is responsible for your disrespect (however unintentional) of checking out attractive women while with your wife. But it never hurts to tell her how attractive you find her even if it is just by letting her catch you checking her out - make sure you have a look of appreciation, desire, love or admiration on your face though.

My husband does the same thing and it really annoys me, but I turned it into a game of trying to point them out to him before he sees them that way I fool myself into thinking he is just looking because I mentioned it and not because he wants to. I did start the number rating system but sometimes I feel better when he rates a hottie as only 8 and sometimes I feel worse thinking if she is an 8 then what am I? so watch out for this trap. Maybe you can turn it around and point out men to her if you are secure enough in your masculinity to ask if she finds that man attractive and let her know she is attractive enough to have him if she wanted.

To give my husband credit he did start turning his head away whenever any female came into his line of vision, but this just made me feel worse.