I've been married for 2 years. I love my husband and I enjoy doing things with him. He accuses me of avoiding him when I go spend time with my friends or family. I ask him to go with me but he always has an excuse not too. Then the entire time I'm gone he's calling and questioning my every move. I feel like he doesn't trust me even though he says he does. His actions say different. I don't feel like I've given him any reason to not trust me. I tell him where I'm going, etc. He says he loves me and just wants to spend time with me. I believe that he loves me but I feel smothered. Any suggestions?
2007-03-14 11:01:34 · 13 answers · asked by brnwIDGrl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, first off, his actions are telling you he is smothering you....his actions are telling you that he is very insecure. If, youre not careful his insecurities will consume your marriage whereby you will feel you are under the microscope and cant be yourself. His insecurities will eventually control you, so you need to deal with it now, and you have to be strong and assertive. Tell him, in no uncertain terms, that you love him, you dont want to cheat on him....the thought never enters your mind.....tell him, this is his problem, and if he cant deal with it, then suggest he get the help of a good counsellor........This really is not your problem....you are just living your life normally....the things you have said are normal things a person does within a marriage....co-dependency is fine, but total dependency is very damaging.
If you dont do something about this problem soon, he will turn into a controller and you will be no more than a victim........you will end up a prinsoner in your own home being too afraid to assert any kind of independent thought or actions because it will upset him.....It will be a huge problem in the future if you dont confront it now.....Your husband needs help with his insecurities......he needs to understand that you are an individual, but doesnt mean you dont love him....he has problems and the only way you are going to help him is to force him to see that this is his problem and he needs help for it....you cant help him....if you pander to his insecurities, you will make yourself a prisoner....dont do this to yourself.....allow him to own his own problems....sure, support him, but dont take on any kind of guilt or blame for the way he is talking or behaving. He is the one with the problem, not you.
Take care.
2007-03-14 11:15:02 · answer #1 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds very insecure!! Is he abusive in any manner?? If so then the relationship is not healthy. But if he is not then I would tell him how you feel when he does this to you and ask him point blank if he trusts you then what is the problem. He may be holding on to a past experience that is causing him to act this way. You have to communicate in the first years of marriage or else it is a time bomb.I hope everything works out!
2007-03-14 11:19:24 · answer #2 · answered by nainai_797 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit him down and take his hand and say to him the following. " Ya know when you act alittle jealous or are overly concerned with what I am doing it actually flatters me because it makes me feel like you want me all to yourself and I like that. I want to be only yours but can you try and trust that what I am saying is true? If so, then can you sometimes think twice about calling me so much when I am not here because it also makes me feel like you don't trust me. Have I ever given you reason not to trust me? (you must say that line as a question and wait for an answer) Based on his response it can open up the lines of communication for you to be able to tackle this...Good Luck!
2007-03-14 11:20:36 · answer #3 · answered by chcman74 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes I have and I have come to realize that men and women who act like this are very insecure people and have low self-esteem. They feel that if anyone of the opposite sex shows their partner attention, even if it's innocent that their relationship will be threatened. The guy I was with was very much like this, it got to the point where I wasn't able to go anywhere by myself, and he even got me to quit my job to work with him, which now I realize was just to keep an eye on me. Trust is so important in a relationship, and without it u have nothing and will never be happy. If your significant other would leave u just because a guy or girl talks to them, would that really be someone u would want to be with anyhow??? I say to those people...........gain some self-esteem, and u won't have to sweat the small stuff.
2016-03-28 23:15:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cannot live like this. He needs to know that his insecurity is his problem and he needs to do something about it. This is also a red flag for possible abuse. The first thing an abuser does is separate his victim from friends and family. You guys trally might want to look into counseling.
2007-03-14 11:07:30 · answer #5 · answered by Sharon M 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, this man doesn't love you. He loves himself and he is a control freak. He will alienate you from your family and friends, not allow you to be away from him and get angry if you do anything by yourself or with others. He is definitely smothering your chances for a normal life. If you love him,, you will INSIST that the two of you go to marriage counseling because his kind of "love" is actually spousal abuse.
2007-03-14 11:18:38 · answer #6 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is an insecure man. Have a heart to heart with him and let him know you are not taking his calls when you are out and he was invited but declined to go. His childish behavior is going to ruin your marriage. He is using the excuse of wanting to be with you to keep you home all locked up with him. DO NOT ALLOW IT!!!!
2007-03-14 11:13:05 · answer #7 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What would he do if you accidentally left your phone at home one day? No way to reach you after saying 'no' to going with you. I would hate to tell you to play this game, but would need to know his reaction. Would he try to track you down? Or maybe you don't do this but ask him what he would do. Bottom line: communication is important. I suggest letting him know exactly/precisely how you feel.
2007-03-14 11:19:05 · answer #8 · answered by NicG 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you're just not compatible. It's something you'll have to tolerate for as long as you're married to him. I agree, it doesn't make for a very harmonious relationship, but hopefully there are enough commonalities for you to still enjoy your marriage. Both of you will need to learn to compromise.
2007-03-14 11:08:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
great, so he smothers you by spending too much time on you
and if he doesn't spend enough time on you then he is not paying attention to you and you cheat
go figure
2007-03-14 11:49:13 · answer #10 · answered by zether 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋