My husband and I have been married for 3 years now and we have a little girl, but we got married at a young age. I was 19 and he was 20. When we got married I had been with two previous people, but he had not been with anyone. I'm really concerned that one day he'll cheat on me because he has only been with me and didn't experience a sexual relationship with anyone else. What do you think?
2007-03-14 10:32:55 · 19 answers · asked by Mommy of 2 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I should say that the reason I ask this question is because he can't stand the fact the I was with someone before him and makes me feel like a horrible person...and he says that he didn't experience what I did which makes me feel even worse.
2007-03-14 10:41:26 · update #1
First of all, he shouldn't blame you for being with other people before him! Ya'll didn't even know one another or were together. He's just being insane if he puts you down for that. What does he think? That the past can change? I think not. IF I WERE YOU: I'd say, go on then, go out and experience someone else! I won't be here when you get back!
He should respect you more than that. He's obviously jealous that you were intimate with other men. I get sick to my stomach sometimes when I think about my man being with his previous girl or with any girl for that matter. But I don't dwell on it b/c I can't change it. What matters now is that he's with me. He loves me. Not her. That's what matters.
2007-03-14 10:50:50 · answer #1 · answered by inlovewow 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Love try not to think the worst of it, it will be up to you whether he learn to try it out with someone else because he didn't have the experience that you had. Assure him that you didn't marry your previous boyfriend but you did him. One thing that you must know men don't get matured like women does and this is the cost of your husband. Tell him that its not his fault why he didn't had any girlfriend before you and just love him and comfort him. Most people here will tell you things that will disturb you as a person but just remember you know who you want and the two of you have a little girl now because of the love that you two shared.
If he loves you,he will not think such affairs to another woman just to try how it feels to be with someone new, its up to you to make him happy in life, and in bed. The two of you can both experience what he think his missing, try to show him or even teach him, that's the meaning of devotion, passion and love for him,..hope that this help....
2007-03-14 12:08:29 · answer #2 · answered by islandgirl06 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he feels this strongly about the issue, it is very possible that one day he won't be able to stand it any longer. It's not how many people we had been with before, it is how we feel about it that makes a difference. My husband doesn't have a whole lot of relationship experience, and I have quite enough - but it doesn't bother him in the least bit, he's very secure in his ways, and doesn't want to change a thing. Your husband seems to have a hang-up, hopefully he'll grow out of it before he hurts both of you. Don't let him trick you into feeling guilty, you have done nothing wrong; it was his own personal choice to not have experienced other relationships, and you can't possibly be held responsible for it.
2007-03-14 10:54:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's a great question. Here is what you do. It sounds like the two of you kinda grew up and matured together in that you were both in the same boat.... I mean with both of you not having alot of experience. Talk to one another alot about all your insecurities.
That means both of you, so get him to open up to you on a regular basis because I promise you he is scared of things too in that you are both young. The more the two of you can talk stuff out before it becomes an issue...the better your chances that neither one of you will cheat. You need to kinda take the view that its the two of you against the world and that you will both help each other in getting thru anything. That's how trust is formed and reliability. Depend on one another for support. And besides that you have another huge...did i say huge...yes i did...huge reason you must not stray. You have a kid and she deserves a two parent home. That alone should be motivation for both of you to make love to only each other. Good Luck!
2007-03-14 10:47:23 · answer #4 · answered by chcman74 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I heard something similar to this and it ended in divorce. A woman was only with the one guy she married and she wanted to experience something else so she cheated because she wanted to see what else was out there, what she soon realized that it wasn't much out there. Not saying that this would happen to you, he might be completely satisfied because truly it's hard to find someone who truly loves you. But I think you should ask him how he feels about you know being with only one girl. You definitely need to talk to him if this is bothering you.
2007-03-14 10:41:25 · answer #5 · answered by tha_best 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is built on trust once you start worrying about if hes going to cheat that's when the psycho jealousy kicks in like where have you been and stalking him so you can find out. That's no way to live you cant change the past if he wanted other women he wouldn't have married you. Sounds like its your own insecurities in play here not his. Just love and respect your man and as long as he is loving you and respecting you back those thoughts need not poison your relationship.
2007-03-14 10:48:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Think? It sounds to me like he's obsessing about things that happened before you two dated, much less married. That is both silly, and unfair. Obviously, you can't unsleep with guys you knew before you married, and unless you have a time machine, he can't go back to 19, to sow some oats. So, he's either laying the groundwork for justification of cheating, playing a power, or guilt game.
2007-03-14 12:42:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
don't feel bad about your past. let it go. Does he care? If he loves you and is committed to you he isn't going to cheat on you and if he does, your past sexual experiences wouldn't excuse him. Just don't treat him like you expect him to cheat on you because nothing drives a man to cheat like being accused of it all the time. Focus on what is important, your relationship . Also keep things spicy - it will be lots of fun for both of you. DO NOT FEEL Guilty. Good Luck
2007-03-14 11:23:06 · answer #8 · answered by zookeeper 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Who really knows for sure that your guy will cheat on you someday or not? Maybe he will and maybe he won't.
I guess it comes down to your current relationship with him.
Is he happy with you? are you happy with him? Why worry about things that haven't happened yet? You should worry about things like this less and enjoy your time with your family more. If you think hard enough and if you think that your guy will cheat on you all the time...who knows it may come true. It's all up in your head. Think positive stuff for now and worry about negative stuff later. Enjoy your life!
2007-03-14 10:44:01 · answer #9 · answered by Victoria78 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think you should talk to him and tell him how you feel. He may cheat on you (lots of men do) but if you share ALL your feelings about everything you will grow strong together and that should head off problems like this. Good luck.
2007-03-14 10:37:28 · answer #10 · answered by Chris 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋