Did anyone get married too young?

Question

Hi...I have been married for almost 3 years now. We have a beautiful 18 month old daughter who means the world to me. My husband is a great guy, but here lately I find us arguing all the time and our interests (lately) have been totally opposite of each other. We got married when I was 19 and he was 20 and I'm just so scared that maybe I rushed into everything. I still want to go out with my friends and party and have fun and my husband is totally opposite of that...he prefers staying home. I'm thinking that since we got married so young that we weren't even old enough to experience freedom...has anyone gone through this situation? I'm just really confused. (Sorry if this sounds like rambling, I have so many thoughts going through my head.)

Answer 1

Hey i totally understand how u feel. I got married at 23 to my very first love and now 4 yrs later we are arguing all the time! He wants his freedom to party and do whatever he wants with his boys(most of who are single), and i prefer to stay home and watch movies together or go for dinner with other couples(which he hates doing). For now i let him go out with the guys on friday night and then we do something together on saturdays.
I think u did rush into marriage but that doesn't mean that it wont work out. If you still love each other then there is still hope :) Maybe you should come to some sort of agreement. He should let u go out once in a while with ur friends coz ur still young and u will never get ur youth back, enjoy it while ur young. Maybe ask him if u can go out with ur girls on friday and promise him that u'll spend all of saturday with him, like taking the baby to the park and catching a movie at night together when the baby is asleep.
If u can afford it, take a weekend off, ask ur parents to babysit and just go away together. vacations do wonders to relationships and rebuild sparks that r dying fast. If that doesn't work i say see a marriage counselor, but don't give up until u've tried everything to make it work. I know i am. Divorce will not only devastate u but ur child as well. Good luck girl, i hope u find happiness again :)

Answer 2

I was 19 when I got married and had my first child at 22, I look back and realize I was was to young. My now ex husband and I were friends at the time, we loved each other, but as time went on, we each wanted something else. Our marriage lasted 10 years. We lived apart for 3 of those 10 years.

I know there are people like my parents who married at 19 and 20 and are still together. I think its up to each couple. I would say wait until your in your late 20's, get all your 'parting' out so that when your ready to marry and have a family you can focus on them.

I would suggest if your both wanting to keep your marriage that you seek some kind of help, be it from a preacher or a therapist, but get help. There is nothing wrong with getting it. Do not point fingers, it takes two to have a marriage and two to ruin it. Do not stay married for your daughter, she will sense the tension between you and will cause her troubles later. Always ... always ... Keep the lines of communication open between you both! Don't listen to your friends, listen to each other.

GOD BLESS YOU!

Answer 3

I know exactly what you mean. I wasnt6 as young as you but I am in almost the same boat. I am 28 i was married to my wife just under 3 years ago, but we have been together since highschool. So I never experienced being on my own either. I am the guy who wants to go out all the time hanging with friends and all that she just sits at home and watches tv. She wasn't alway like this. We argue all the time. We have been doing counceling for a little over a month. i think that because we were with each other at such a young age, we really didn't get to grow individually. Now i feel that maybe we were just settling all this time.... we have no kids... she has wanted them for a while now i thought i just wasn't ready but maybe its something deeper...

Answer 4

I got married when I was 19 and my husband was 21. We were way to young. We have been married for 10 years now and have three children.
We have been through a lot and it has taken alot to get to where we are now. We have it set up so that if we don't have a babysitter then he goes out with his friends on Friday and I go out with mine on Saturday. I get up with the kids on Saturday and he does on Sunday. Some people find that weird but it works great for us. I don't know if that will work for you since you said your husband doesn't want to go out.
All I know is to this day I wish we would have waited. I'm pretty sure we still would have got married but things would be different.
Good luck I know it's tough.

I just want to add that because you got married young doesn't mean that it isn't going to last. If you want it to it can but you need to be honest with your husband and have a serious talk with him. Counseling may even help, if not couples than individual. He may be feeling the same way you do.

Answer 5

Me and my wife are happy, Married at 18.... we still party a bit but our child always comes first, his grandparents give us a night off once in a while and we have fun while they watch the boy which they enjoy... marrige young usually goes wrong because you are not with the right person or you married because of a child. We were married first, with some hard times of course, but in a good relationship you work through the problems and make solutions, we see couples our age all the time hating the fact that they have a kid and are so young and they think their lives are over. We are having hard times finacially, but our boy is well worth it and we will get through it, if you and he are having problems, just tell him what the problems are if you both cannot fix them then end it, dont live in torture for years.... almost any situation can be fixed...

Answer 6

Yea, I got marry at a young age too. Been marry now for 18 years. I think I rushed into it now that I'm getting to the point being tired of being tied down with a man. I wish I would have waited for awhile until I got done with my schooling and realize that being marry puts a lot of pressure on someone. People change at an older age and miss the stuff of being free. Yea you are going to argue that's part of marriage it's a lot different than dating.

Answer 7

just because you got married young doesn't mean that you made a mistake. even though it has been difficult for the both of you guys, take a look at the blessings God has given to you,(your daughter) it is nothing money can buy. Every marriage goes through trials, it's the effort you put in it, and the commitment you put in it will make that marriage work. Don't let the things around you or your friends lead you in making the wrong decision. This is just for a season and not forever. Take the problem in your marriage to God and he will amaze you

Answer 8

Yes, I think you both got married too young. I did when I was 19 and after 41/2 years we were divorced. It was a very difficult time torn between wanting to party and wanting to be respectful person. I don't think that anyone should get married before the age of 25.

Answer 9

I got married when I turned 20, and have been married for the past 3 1/2 years. My husband is 5 years older than me. I absolutely do not regret it. It isnt always easy but it is worth it. You and your hubby can do a date night once in a while, go out to dinner, go to the local bar, play some pool. Good luck!

Answer 10

This happens to many couples. But still, if you think you love him, and he loves you, why don’t try to give it a good chance?

The problem with getting married so young is that you have barely spent any time together and jumped into matrimony too soon. So now you are growing and also being a “responsible” adult. This sometimes doesn’t work too well.

There can be many reasons for this, but at the end, is each of you who have to decide what to do.

For what you said, you are realizing you might have missed many steps in your life and just jumped up and now you want to look back and see if you can live those “chapters” that you missed.

On the other hand, it seems your husband is mature and wants to be home with his family.

So, let me tell you a little secret: the key to a good and healthy relation is communication. Fine I lied, is not a secret, I tell this to everybody. And is the truth. You two need to communicate, talk, express the feelings, and understand each other.

If you two love each other, that is, each of you take care of each other, and will make any sacrifice for each other and do not ask or expect anything in return, then you are half way there. The other half is understanding, and giving in a little bit on each side. Sometimes is difficult, but if you think of it, is not that hard. Think of your girl, it means a world to you as you said. And you will sacrifice anything for her. Can you do something like that for your husband too? If you do, you know is not that bad, and you know there is a good chance then to have a wonderful family with him, your daughter, and maybe more kids too.

Talk to him, let him know how yo feel, and ask him to understand it. Ask him to tell you any concern that he might have, and try not to fight, just talk, and look for solutions together. Maybe he can take you out more often, and also you could stay home one weekend and enjoy your family and let him be happy too, you know, “balance” the equation.

And be creative, is it raining outside? Grab your husband and walk out and jump in the rain like two kids. Why not? Show him your spirit for fun and adventure, and let him do the same. You two are way too young to be completely serious, you have to take care of a family, but you have the right, and the obligation as well to yourself to have fun and live life, together with your husband, and your kid.

Just to give you some examples so you know is not just talking: my grandmother was 15 when she got married (yes, long time ago, with her parents consent), and my grandfather was 30 (lucky him!). They got two kids, my father and my aunt, and up to now, they are still together, and very happy. Did my grandmother ever regret it, some times, but she never doubt her love for him and the kids, and was able to have a wonderful family, and live her life as well.

And if you want more examples, I can give you my parents as well, they got marry just like you, and 35 years later they are still there and very happy with two sons.

Good luck, and have lots of fun!