What is the key to complete and total forgiveness?

Question

Many times I thought I had arrived, only to feel my pain resurface. Will it ever go away? What is the key?

Answer 1

You received many good answers.
Something which might be also helpful is how the Dalai Lama approches this.
I type you here a part of the book: The wisdom of Forgiveness
Intimate Conversations and Journeys
" So to be able to forgive your enemies can make a difference to one`s spiritual progress?" I asked the Dalai Lama.
"Yes, yes, there is no doubt," he replied. "It`s crucial. It`s one of the most important things. It can change ones life. To reduce hatred and other destructive emotions, you must develop the opposites-compassion and kindness. If you have strong compassion, strong respect for others, then forgiveness is much easier. Mainly for this reason: I do not want to harm another. Forgiveness allows you to be in touch with these positive emotions. This will help with spiritual development."
"Is there a special meditation technique that you use?" I asked.
"I use a meditation technique called giving and taking", the Dalai Lama explained. " I do a visualisation: I send my positive emotions like happiness and affection to others. Then another visualization. I visualize receiving their sufferings, their negative emotions. I do this every day. I pay special attention to the Chinese-especially those doing terrible things to the Tibetans. So, as I meditate, I breathe in all their poisons-hatred, fear, cruelty. Then I breathe out. And I let all the good things come out, things like compassion, forgiveness. I take inside my body all these bad things. Then I replace poisons with fresh air. Giving and taking. I take care not to blame-I don`t blame the Chinese and I don`t blame myself. This meditation is very effective, useful to reduce hatred, useful to cultivate forgiveness."

Answer 2

Love is gave you a far more beautiful answer than I can. First, I think I'd make a distinction between "forgiving" & "forgetting." I've forgiven some rather awful things that have been done to me, (almost always in business), by truly putting myself in the other person's shoes. It's the same concept in personal relationships. I may not "understand" what, in their nature, motivated them--if I love them, it's easier to forgive. But now, you make me wonder--do I ever "forget?" I doubt it, but it doesn't cause me pain. Since I'll NEVER truly understand why someone did this or that, I just accept it--(unless it requires me to fight back for my survival!) & once accepting it, the incident or incidents just blow away in the wind, as far as my EMOTIONS are concerned. But, don't past experiences, when associated with some little thing sort of ring a bell, & & are remembered?. But that's that. Why do I have the feeling you're referring to something/s recent?? If true, the pain WILL go away in time. There's just one more point I'd like to make--if it's "possible," immediately, when you're hurt, to explore it with the person, you might be surprised that they didn't really intend to hurt you at all. I was "hurt" by someone quite a few times, & later discovered I'd misinterpreted the whole thing. Then, I wished I'd cleared the air at the MOMENT. I don't know what situations you're refrring to, but again, read Love is--she's great.

Answer 3

Total forgiveness is, in my opinion, non-existent in a mortal realm. To completely forgive anyone who has ever wronged you is impossible because one can't really recollect every occasion that they have been wronged. If you're merely talking about a single experience that you're trying to forgive an individual for the only real way to stop feeling the pain over it is to detach yourself from the situation. Cut the ties that hold you to that occasion and move on with your life. When you are reminded of the occasion look at it objectively as a third party. This causes you to be somewhat insensitive but if you don't want to feel, being desensitized is the ideal solution. Aren't our feelings of anger and pain what make us human? What if you embraced your anger? Good luck on you journey.

Answer 4

Your dilemma is one I sympathize with. Here is what I have learned. When you truly forgive someone, then you DO have complete and total forgiveness. What you feel later on is just part of the human condition - even after "debts" are paid and accounts are settled, our feelings remain and they must be dealt with. Time helps to heal as do works of charity which help other souls and soothe ours. It works the same way when God forgives us. Forgiveness immediately puts us right with him, but it cannot immediately take away all the "baggage" that resulted from our sinful actions. Here's another example - someone murders your daughter. The murderer repents. God forgives them and somehow, you do too. But that doesn't mean you won't miss your daughther...wonder why it happened....feel anger that one man's actions took her away...etc.

Take it one day at a time. Deal with what comes in a godly way and God will grant you healing.

Answer 5

By hoping and being thankful that in similar circumstances you would make better choices and that you are a good enough person not to cause the pain to others that was caused to you. It takes time. I hope you are able to let the pain go, it will do you a world of good. Life is too short to hold onto that kind of stuff.

Answer 6

The Stoics would say you have no one to forgive but yourself. You can not control the world around you. People will falter, and people will disappoint. People will sink below your expectations, and even seek out to oppose you in malice. This is a reality of life. However, we have no true power in controlling these aspects of our life. We may be able to influence them minimally, but ultimately we have no guarantee that our expectations will be met. However, the Stoics ensure us that we have complete control and responsibility over one singular aspect of our lives: our happiness. We can control our attitudes and 'emotional' responses to the uncontrollable world around us. Your pain resurfaces because you allow it to. Forgive yourself for this, and move on. It takes bravery, patience, and temperance to will your own forgiveness and secure happiness. But, no one ever said life would be easy.

Answer 7

A total lobotomy..... Seriously, I don't think anyone can completely forgive all things. Some transgressions just fester and blow up from time to time. You have to have a deep lasting love for the person and you have to try to forget as well as forgive. Only God can do it all. We can only try our best.

Answer 8

actual the Lutherans have been given this concept from the Catholics. the subject is that when all your sins are forgiven via the Sacrament of Baptism once you purchased the present of the Holy Spirit. The fault lies in dropping the present of the Holy Spirit by grave sin. regrettably Lutherans don't have a sacrament to restoration the present of the Holy Spirit. Catholics do it rather is noted as the Sacrament of Penance wherein all sins are forgiven. Acts 2:38 Peter (stated) to them, "Repent and be baptized, one and all of you, interior the call of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins; and you will obtain the present of the holy Spirit. Hebrews 6:4-6 For it is impossible interior the case of people who've as quickly as been enlightened and tasted the heavenly present and shared interior the holy Spirit and tasted the stable be responsive to God and the powers of the age to come again, and then have fallen away, to convey them to repentance lower back, in view that they're recrucifying the Son of God for themselves and retaining him as much as contempt.

Answer 9

Try to accept what happend as a learning experience and don't let it happen again.
The pain will never go away. It's part of what makes you who you are.
Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it.

Answer 10

To forgive is not to condone.

To forgive is to release the hurt caused by the problem. Otherwise you are re-victimizing yourself.

We need to ask G-d to help us to forgive. It is not easy.