Should we just get divorced?

Question

I think he's selfish and immature, but he doesn't see it. I just asked a question regarding our situation and more people seem to side with him than me. So, perhaps, it is me who's crazy. Or either that or YA's is just negative. I've never thought to leave him, but now I wonder if it's in our best interest. I though we had problems, but it's me. Gosh, I feel like an idiot. I can't try to correct a situation that isn't broken, but I'm terribly unhappy with it. Should I just leave? Would you stay in a marriage if you loved him and you had children, but financially, you knew, you were never going to get ahead?

Answer 1

I read your other question, and I would suggest some councilling. If he wont do that, I would start wondering if he's worth the effort. But I would never leave someone without being sure that I did everything I could to make it work.
Its not just you, finances are important and he doesn't sound like he's understanding it. I feel where he's coming from, because I have acted like him a lot. Part of the problem is that he has you to save him when he screws up. Stop scraping money together for things like his truck. Pull cash out for bills (get money orders) and food the minute he gets his paycheck and whatevers left he can figure out how to use himself. I never would have learned the importance of good finances if I had had somebody to pull me out of my mess. I needed to screw myself... a lot... before I learned anything.
Another good idea is get as many bills as you can taken out of his paycheck the minute he gets paid, that way he can't ever drain the account before you get to it. But that really only works well with direct deposit.
I'm just thinking of how I keep myself on track, I am just as bad with money as your husband sounds, if not worse. I've just been in such deep trouble so many times that I've learned whats important. Doesn't sound like your husband has learned that yet.

Answer 2

The only way I would divorce someone over money issues would be if my spouse was spending money on gambling or drugs or prostitutes or something stupid like that. I would not get a divorce if we were both working hard and loved each other but had trouble making ends meet. Trust me, you wouldn't be the first couple to experience this! Money isn't everything..yes it's important to have but do you think being a single mother would be any easier? If you love each other stay together.

Answer 3

Divorce is not the answer. You really need to sit down and talk about your situation with your husband. If you love him and you have children together, why leave? You two can work out the finances. Maybe you can start a day care or babysit for some extra cash.

Answer 4

It's sounds to me like there is something going on behind the scenes. You should try counseling. If you are just unhappy, but still want to stay married, maybe you can work that out.possibly with a hobby.....I went through a divorce and it absolutely destroyed my youngest son. He won't even talk to me now.....e-mail me..I'm not a perv and I may be able to give you some good advice on ways to handle your emotions or to see if there is anything you can do about your marriage or how to handle your divorce

Answer 5

No, it's NOT you. Do you realize how many men complain about their wives spending money, but when the man does it, it's okay? WTF is that about? If you love him, and he loves you, you CAN work this out, but you will need help from someone else. Money is the # 1 reason why people get divorced, it's one of the reasons did!

Just do what you feel is right. If you need a separate checking account to ensure he doesn't spend all the money, that do it! Don't listen to the negative people tell you that you are wrong. You are TOTALLY RIGHT!

Answer 6

Money isn't everything. So you live pay check to pay check..most of America does!!! Even though you see those "rich" people driving there fancy cars, living in there huge homes, they too have dept and believe me they might look good on the outside but the inside isn't so fun....

I don't recall your first question, but maybe you both should sit down and write up a budget and stick to it. Being happy with your husband and children should be the most important thing not money.

Answer 7

marriage is not about money, You know you love hime but it sounds like you need to do some self healing maybe you should get the book "The Five Languages of Love" by doctor Gary Capman. my friend read this book and it saved her marriage along with some alone time with her hubby

Answer 8

If you have children and the main issue is money, you shouldn't leave. I don't know what the details are as far as what your previous question was/is. I just know that based on what you've said thus far isn't enough for me to really give an opinion or advice. If he is selfish and immature, was he this way before you married him or the children came along? I would see about consumer counseling services to get your bills in order. If he isn't willing to do this, then go alone and see whatthey say or recommend. Then start doing for you and your children. Go get counseling, and I would tell him that if he wants to spend money and doesn't want to help you get out of debt. Then you have to do it alone. I would give him a time limit to make a decision, and get on board. And if he doesn't want any part of it, then you should prepare to leave.

Answer 9

I think your situation calls for serious marriage counseling. When you say he is selfish and immature, I am thinking that you feel that he doesn't have the initiative to get a better job or to get ahead for you and your children. You really should give marriage counseling a try first because of your children. If he refuses to go, then you have the option to tell him that you are not happy, and you resent his selfish immature behavior and you are filing for a legal separation. This action by you may put some sense into his head and he may be shocked into reality, but you have to do something. If you don't your marriage will deteriorate and you will end up getting divorced eventually anyway, so that is why you should give marriage counseling a try first. Then in your heart, you know you did everything possible to save your marriage. But his immaturity and selfishness runs deeper. I feel he may have been indulged by his Mother or Father or both, and he was very spoiled as a kid and then a young man and all this spilled over into his marriage. Some people never ever grow up because they have been enabled and spoiled. So try my recommendation first, and if it doesn't work, file for a separation. Good Luck

Answer 10

Normally a man will get matured after he get married. if he is still unmatured and selfish, I think it is better for both of you to have a word about this sort of thing. Leaving him wouldn't solve the root of the problems, it just solve your immediate problems only. Both of you need to discuss how to solve the root fo your problems but if he isn't going to listen to you, then there is no point in carrying with this relationship

Answer 11

If you're unable to resolve issues, then seek help from a professional. It takes 2 to make a marriage work. Both must be willing. If one is not, it's impossible to succeed.

It depends on what you want for you and your children. He is supposed to be mature enough to know what he wants as well. If there is NO coming together on anything, there is no marriage......Just my opinion....The ultimate decision is yours. Good Luck! ;)