I caught my husband talking w/ another girl. He's 36 she's 20. He wrote her a note that was something my 4th grade son would write to another 4th grade girl. "I'd like to get to know you better. What do you think." Real suave, I know. Then I guess he was calling her all the time. Her fiance found out and told her to call me. He wasn't mad, just a lil upset. I confronted him, and he played it like it was nothing. I must add we are and have been having major marital issues for 2 years now. So, now just the other day, his phone is vibrating on the counter I'm sick I go and check it I don't reconize the number so I read the text. "not much...between joing LA weight loss and curves." and then it vibrates again in my hands. "what r u up to?" I had no clue who it was. So I wrote the number down and decided to call it and see who it was when my husband left. It was the girl who told me that he was calling her before.
He acted like it was not a big deal.
2007-03-14 08:28:25 · 35 answers · asked by sher_bear28 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We've done the counseling thing, he stopped that...didn't like what the counselor said. Basically that he controlls me.
We have two boys...that's why I've dealt with it this long...I know, I know...poor excuse...but...it's hard to look those lil men in the eyes and do that to them...I'm not sure I could. I just gotta get the courage.
2007-03-14 08:41:23 · update #1
No, she is NOT and never was a friend. She was my babysitter's sister...oh my gosh..sounds likes something out of Lifetime doesn't it? YIKES! Thanks all...except for you...Hector...your comment needn't be here.
2007-03-14 08:58:50 · update #2
something is up between the 2 of them. maybe she told you to get you to leave him so she can have him to herself. I would seperate because it seems to me that he is ready for the single life. you need to get out and move on and find someone who will treat you with respect and be faithful because i thought that was why people got married?!
2007-03-14 08:35:24 · answer #1 · answered by - 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to say but it doesn't sound kosher. He is atleast entertaining the idea of an affair. Your options are simple try to fix it. See a counselor, start dateing each other again. Take a vacation together. Give it a rest, take a month apart from one another. Go on seperate vacations, but I must warn you if you do this set boundaries or one or both of you may stray. If you cannot come to common boundaries this is a bad option. The biggest question you must ask yourself is can you trust him, and second can he trust him self. The only other thing you can do is to have an open relationship with the knowledge that you are not exclusive. Sorry I couldn't give happy advice.
Also I just got through this, my other was messing around on me for 7 months before I found out. It hurts... Just try to keep a logical mind and don't let your heart lead you to pain.
2007-03-14 08:38:18 · answer #2 · answered by Dez Myr 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is a big deal. He is selfishly cheating, and if he keeps seeking, someone would answer. Plus he may have done this before he's just continuing it. Get marital help from a counsellor asap, and prayer. Stop talking about it, it's time to start acting on it. The girl is enjoying the chase regardless of the "grade 4"message, what's relevant here is that 2 yrs of suspicion warrants intervention. Don't fall for his innocent lines, he has made choices to cheat and he is going forward with them. You are strong and able to overcome this. Remember that you are his wife, and you have a right to know what is going on. You need to start working with a counsellor to understand where the breakdown is and start fixing it. Apparently trust is a major one, but I guarantee you that there are more reasons than just one. I say to pray because all help and direction comes from God. I believe that it is possible to fix what's broken and to take back what has been taken away; but it takes time and knowing where it all went wrong. As painful as it seems you have to start searching yourself and listening to what you are saying, as well as what he is saying, do this with a marriage counsellor.
2007-03-14 08:45:40 · answer #3 · answered by Johnnie C 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What he is doing is a big deal - I don't care what he says. You guys are having issues and he is now seeking out another person to connect to - when he should be trying to reconnect with his wife. If this doesn't stop and get nipped in the bud now, it could get ugly.
There is no good reason that a married man who is 36 needs to be hanging out with or texting a 20 y/o girl. The fact that your marriage is on the rocks also doesn't help. Tell him that what he's doing isn't ok, it is a big deal, and it needs to stop. The two of you should seriously consider getting into marriage counseling and working through your issues - it will help.
2007-03-14 08:32:59 · answer #4 · answered by Rawrrrr 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
My sister in law went through the same exact thing. Her husband..counseling..control issues..two children. He didn't change so she left. He's miserable now that she's gone and he still hasn't signed the divorce papers. She has moved on, and she was the one who joined curves to loose weight and feel good about herself. She's much happier and I am so proud that she had the guts to walk.
He is obviously not going to give up the relationship with this girl and she is too young to even consider the consequences of her actions. But what goes around comes around. For both him and her. You have to find the courage to leave. The older the boys get the more that they will see that their mom's a door mat. You deserve to be happy, they can still spend time with their father even if you're not in the same house.
2007-03-14 08:50:21 · answer #5 · answered by Lisa D 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry, no woman should ever have to deal w/ an unfaithful spouse. My husband has done the same thing, but he left out the 4th grade love letter! He talks to this girl and lied about it kept telling me it was one of the guys and that one day I couldn't go out with him to the pool hall b/c it was a "guys night out" low and behold he was with her, said that he didn't tell me b/c he didn't want me to think something was up! HELLO!!!! There is, it's not right to hide things from a spouse or to lie for that matter, **EVER** I kept him around b/c we have 3 little kids and one on the way in 3wks, otherwise he would have been gone. It sounds like he's trying awful hard to move on honey but doesn't want you to know it until he has a replacement! Again, I have been there and can say that time doesn't heal, but a clear head will help you to see the light. Best of luck and keep your head up!
2007-03-14 08:38:44 · answer #6 · answered by mommy4 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You should contact the girl's fiancee and let him know that she is still texting your husband back and forth. Once that's dealt with you may want to seek couple's counseling with your husband since you said you have been having marital issues for 2 years. This type of behavior isn't going to stop if there are underlying issues.
2007-03-14 08:33:58 · answer #7 · answered by Vivita 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you have asked your guy not to talk to this gal and he is continuing to do so, then, he obviously has no respect for you or your feelings. I would tell him that if he wants to waste time on a girl over ten years younger then go for it, but not whilehe is with you. You should not be disrespected by him or this skank that knows your husband is married and evidentally her nor your husband have any morals. My advice lose him and move on . There's more men out there who know how to treat a woman!
2007-03-14 08:48:36 · answer #8 · answered by lilmissthng 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's cheating, or at the very least making arrangements to do so, and not even trying to hide it. I would ask for a divorce if I were you. It just shows that he's not really interested in working out any problems the two of you are having. You can't fix things alone, it takes two.
2007-03-14 08:40:53 · answer #9 · answered by ♪ ♫Jin_Jur♫ ♥ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm ashamed on what others write to you regarding your problem, just ignore it and don't let it get to you. you said that you called the girl and her boyfriend also knows, now why don't you and her boyfriend meet and talk about the best thing to do with this childish action that's been going on. Talk to her face to face and tell her that she needs to stop prostituting herself to your husband or you will file a complain towards her,(which you can do by law), then her boyfriend needs to talk to your hubby as well, man to man so that way your husband will stop chasing her. This is what I will do to solve this problem, and I will talk to my husband and tell him that if he don't stop he needs to move out for the sake of your sanity,.......hope this help!!
2007-03-14 08:53:25 · answer #10 · answered by islandgirl06 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, if you really want to save your marriage, I suggest professional help (a marriage counselor). Had this been a regular bf/gf relationship, I wouldn't second-guess myself - I'd be advising you the best way I can.
I'm in no position to help you but I sure wish you the very best. You are in my prayers. Good luck.
2007-03-14 08:39:03 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋