My girlfriend is pregnant, she's compulsive liar, cheated for 6 months,and stole money from me and her friends

Question

I am 50, shes 27. She lied she was university student for 2 years, then lied continuously to cover it, started an affair,it continued 6mos. under my nose while I trusted her stories, when i traveled she "couldn't come" then used my apt to screw him on my bed. Money dissapeared day before I left. When I returned I dumped her, then she started coming over for sex, I wanted it too. She became pregnant. I always wanted kids and family, especially at my age, so I offered to try if she stoped the lying. I she can't stop, still I catch her in lies big and small. When traveling I left cat with her two times, two different cats died under her "care". I have since found good woman my age, and left this cheating, lying, thief. But what about baby,I think she should pay for test,she cheated. I can not now be with such low character, but I fear for baby's upbringing.Legal fight's possible, but I'm 50 yr old man and not so rich to pay for legal battles, she has no money,lives with mom. We're enemies

Answer 1

First off, let me congratulate you on having the sense to (finally) leave her. Unfortunately, it didn't happen until after you have possibly created a child together. I won't lie and say this will be easy - it won't. First off, get a DNA test to establish paternity. If it's your child, get a lawyer immediately and say, do , and sign nothing from that point on without it being part of a legal proceeding. Right now - even before the baby is born - document every conversation or encounter the two of you have, especially if it involves the child. Get audio recordings of it if possible. State laws vary on whether you can record someone without their consent or knowledge. Check with your state's guidelines on that. Find out what kind of involvment she is willing to let you have with the child. If she comes across as wanting nothing but money from you and not letting you see the child, this will be a point against her in teh eyes of the court. Most family judges today want the child to have contact with both parents as long as there is no danger presented to the child as a result. Commit to nothing until you know for sure the child is yours. Once paternity is established, you have the right to sue for custody. This is where your previous documentation will come in handy. If you can build a case to show that you can provide a better home and upbringing for your child, you will have a better chance of getting at least joint custody. I, personally, wouldn't accept anything less than joint physical AND legal custody. This will prevent her from keeping the child from you. Also, if and when you go to court, resist the urge to bad-mouth her. If you resort to attacking her, it will only hurt your case. Instead of presenting how bad she is, present how good you are. If you wind up with custody, she may wind up owing you child support. Must point out that although the courts claim to be fair and unbiased, many still favor the mother in custody disputes. For a more specific sounding board, try this website: www.singlefather.org. It has a forum full of people who are involved one way or another in this very issue. You can get advice from people who are going through it or have gone through it and can give pointers on a step-by-step basis. Good luck!

Answer 2

I feel for you man, sorry! Wow..you are in a pretty tight predicament. Are you sure that you are the father of the baby? Well the best thing to do when the child is born, find out if you are the father or not. It doesnt have to go to court for battles and stuff, just pay for the test and get it over with. Find out if you are the father, if you are, then take care of the baby and make sure they have what they need- and if the baby isnt yours, you can move on peacefully with your life. She wont pay for the test because she has no money right?
Just do what you gotta do, think about the child and do this for them...get the test and everything will fall into place. Good luck-

Answer 3

She sounds like she could be a serious danger to her baby. It's also very possible that someone else is the father.

If I were you, I'd have her put in writing that she's certain you're the father, pay for the test, then sue in small claims if it turns out you're not. Her written lie should win you your money back, assuming she has money any to get.

As for the baby, if it turns out to be yours, why not sue for full custody. Sit down and write out all the lies, risky behaviour, etc, and have it ready to present in family court. You don't need a lawyer to sue for custody. You can get free legal advice from the court clerk about filing procedures. You can also go to your local community college for free legal advice, or a social services agency, to discuss your X's lack of fitness to be a parent.

It might not be the ideal way to have the child you've always wanted, but it's better than leaving your child to suffer the same fate as your cats.

Sympathies & GL

Answer 4

It sounds to me like it's more of a headache that a reward. Really at 50 I do feel that's too old for children . . . not because I don't think you would be a good dad, but because of the child. By the time it is 20 you will be 70. You want to be able to enjoy your child and not have to worry about your age getting in the way. Plus the wonderful part about a child is knowing someday you may be a grandparent, If you think about it you're just starting out when others are becoming grandparents. At 70 you don't have a long time to enjoy your grand-kids and they don't have time to enjoy you. I would say find a local big brother program and do it that way. . . this way you can still build connections with kids that really need it. The baby's care is out of your hands, yes it is too bad that it has to be that way, but if you step in and try to save the world and then get sick of it's piece of crap mom, and leave or she leaves and uses the baby against you, you are contributing to unnecessary pain towards a child by taking away a safe hold in their life. Again my thoughts are go with the lady that is going to treat you right, she will fill your life more than a crazy lier with a baby that probably isn't yours. Oh and as far as these other people in here talking about child support FYI guys new law got passed last July that says you cannot be subject to childsupport without a DNA test.

Answer 5

I honestly believe, once a liar, always a liar. This woman has proven to have a very bad character and I wouldn't trust her at all. I honestly feel that you should insist on DNA testing for many reasons. Mostly, you want to be involved in the child's life if it really is yours. You definitely don't want a woman who has bad character to be the soul care-giver to your child. Losing your cats is bad enough. Do you trust a baby to this woman full time?

Chances are, even she doesn't know who the baby's father is. She might try to tell you that the baby isn't yours if she finally realizes that you want to take part in the baby's life WITHOUT her. Right now she might be thinking that you are going to come back to her if she can get you to beleive that it's your baby. She might be using the pregnancy to manipulate you.

You don't want her coming back years from now, trying to come after you for back child support. This nightmare could pop up to ruin your life when you least expect it. You don't want a teenage son or daughter showing up on your doorstep after suffering a dysfunctional life at the hands of a dysfunctional mother!

Even if she's not willing to pay for a DNA test (which I believe she'd be willing to do if she knew FOR SURE it's your baby ), I think you should make it a priority to save enough money to demand the test. Maybe you can make an agreement that you will pay for the test unless it turns out negative???

There is nothing more important to a child in life than stability. If you can be part of your baby's life from the very beginning, that's what's best for the baby. If you are proven to be the father by DNA testing, you have many rights. You don't necessarily have to fight in court. Your community probably has some kind of social or family services that can assist you if your own financial resources don't allow you to fight for custody or visitation .

This baby is more important than money. If the baby is yours, you need to fight for it! You have to remember that she doesn't have the money to fight you...so I don't think you really have to worry about big legal battles.

If the tests prove that the baby isn't yours, you can move on with your life and plan a future with someone new without this hanging over your head. Your ex-girlfriend won't be able to use the baby to control you. If you don't insist on testing, there will always be a shadow of doubt in your mind. That's no way to live.

One last thing...be sure you share your fears and concerns with the new lady in your life. She can help you decide what's best and it will make you feel good to know that you have a supportive woman in your life. Every baby needs a mommy and a daddy. If your new lady is on-board with you, she can help nuture the baby when the baby comes to visit.

Answer 6

Unless you want your child brought up my a possibly mentally unstable woman, I suggest you engage the services of a lawyer. If you cannot afford one, call the American Bar Association office in your community. They will put you in touch with a lawyer who will do your case on a pro bono basis. If what you say about the young woman is true, I suspect she does not want to (or cannot) take on the responsibilities of parenthood. She may be relieved to turn over the child to you. You might want to get counseling or attend parenting classes and establish yourself with a church. A court might look upon a 50 year old man who has sex with women half his age as less than a desirable candidate for child custody. If you make efforts to create a stable situation and show improvements in your own behavior, a judge might be more open to your request. Put the welfare of the child first. Good luck! P.S. I was feeling sorry for you until I looked at your profile and previous questions. Six months ago, you wrote "in our relationship she was fathful and caring, available in many ways. I felt lucky, happy, until I did my usual thing in relationships: got bored, started to take it for granted, going out and flirting occassionally. I left for 6 weeks on business and she had an affair. I returned, over-reacted." Maybe there are better alternatives than having either one of you raise this child. Adoption is probably the only chance this baby could have a normal life with loving parents.

Answer 7

My question is what's wrong with you that you would tolerate such behavior? Are you THAT needy?

Let the courts decide paternity. You don't need a lawyer for that. If you are the father then get a lawyer and work from there.

If not, you might want to consider therapy to find out what is wrong with you that you accept the situation. It could be dirty old man syndrome, second childhood or a messianic complex.

Get going and good luck.

Answer 8

Pay for the test yourself, whether she offers to pay for any of it or not. I virtually guarantee you the baby isn't yours.

With a compulsive liar and thief like that, it's almost a certainty that she's hatched a scheme to try to keep the sucker she's caught on the line. You're the sucker.

Bottom line, she's lying. She may even be lying about being pregnant to begin with.

Answer 9

I don't know about your state laws, but the state I live in when you go take the dna test you have to pay for it upfront unless it is court ordered...then if the child ends up being yours then you will have to pay for the test anyways. So...I'm going to assume that you will end up in court and I would tell the judge all of these things. If she will be an unfit mother, the court will see that and you would be the first person awarded custody if the child is taken away from her.

Answer 10

Well the good news is your not married which means your not entitled to do anything! But if she goes after you for child support and you detest it! I believe if the baby isnt yours she has to pay! I went through this with my ex cept they were his kids and sense he contested it he had to pay! The problem i see here is you did good leaving this gold digger! But generaly you know as well as i do relationships that far apart generally do not work. Some men but generally woman only want men that old for a reason! Its all about maturity and it sounds like she has a lot of growing up to do! If i was you and this was your baby i would fight for custody!