Why do I allow things to get to me....where's the switch to turn it off?

Question

I have noticed a pattern with me and it's that I allow or give permission to things to bother me and I can't stop. My daughter & son-in-law said some remarks to me that I should have just let it go but it's bothered me ever since. I have noticed that I do in fact have a problem with issue. How I wish I could let things go like water off a ducks back...but it takes a few days and some times a week or two before I regain perspective...and I know it always does..yet those damn moments just ruin my day and sometimes day(s).

Is there a switch or a magic thought process that I maybe missing

thanks......

Answer 1

A LOT of people have that same "problem." It's a conditioning from our childhood and society, and it has to do with us "believing" what other's say about us--particularly when it's negative (people give out negative energy out of learned responses and habit). The good news is it's a learned response, and the better news it that you can unlearn it!

Remember this: What other people think about you or say is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! That's a hard one to learn!

You are whole and complete just the way you are--and the way others think that you are not. What difference does it make if someone gets upset about what you have done/said or not done/said? If they get upset, it's their problem, and you don't have to make it yours.

If someone says something hurtful, you don't have to take it on as your own. Take a deep breath in through your nose, and exhale out your mouth. Do it again, and then a third time. Then, mentally drop that unwelcome load and set it on fire so it's consumed and disappears as energy. Send that energy down to the center of the Earth to be burned and converted to pure positive energy. If you find you're taking it on again, breath deeply three times, and blow up the unwelcome burden. Or melt it in acid or the furnace of the Sun.

Unwelcome negative energy comes from many sources. It could be a job; someone you meet on the bus, train, or store; something you see on TV or hear on radio; or any other source that spouts negative energy. It's how you choose to react to that energy that makes all the difference. You have been swallowing that negative energy and thinking that it's yours. It isn't. You don't need it, and you don't have to take it on.

There are many great books out there about this. Dr Wayne Dyer has several; I'm reading Eckhart Tolle's The Power of NOW, which you might find very interesting. Tolle also has "A New Earth: Awakening Your Life's Purpose" that you might find helpful.

Answer 2

No, sorry, there is no magic switch.

I think that you are probably a very caring person, that would do whatever it takes not to hurt people. However, unfortunately, all others are not like that.

It's very hard to de-sensitize yourself when people say hurtful things. Or maybe they're not meant to be hurtful, but are to you. In any case, at 37 you already know life is full of just such situations.

You need to stop beating yourself up over things like this. People are gonna do and say what they're gonna do and say. If you are really experiencing a lot of these "episodes", I'd suggest you see a counselor. There's no shame in that, and there's no reason for you to go through life without some relief from yourself, either.

I can identify with you..I have a tendency to do the same thing. I have learned not to obsess over these things as much as I used to. We have no control over these things, so why worry about them? Why put ourselves through the day or 2 or 3 going over & over it in our minds? It's said & done, time to move on and hope the rest of the day is good.

Sounds good, doesn't it? If you say it to yourself over & over enough like I have, you'll believe it one of these days.

Life's too short to cut your good days short by being upset with what others say or do. Be good to yourself. Get some help.

Good Luck!

Answer 3

No magic switch but...

If it's that much of a problem, speak with your doctor. You may have a chemical imbalance that is making you more emotional than what you should be. Medication in that case may in fact fix the problem.

Otherwise, before you allow yourself to get upset, force yourself to consider the other persons point of view. Were they meaning to be hurtful or were they just playing but didn't think it all the way through. Consider their point and if you still feel they were out of line then you need to talk to them but understand that getting mad never fixes or helps a situation.
If you are able to decide that it was not meant to be hurtful then you should be able to let it go with the understanding that it was not intended to hurt.

Answer 4

When something makes you upset, try to think to yourself
"over the long run, in 1 yr. from now, how likely will I even remember this incident"? So if someone calls you a name or whatever think "is this going to be a life-altering incident"?
If you have compulsive thoughts that you can't get out of your head for a while, you might want to see a counselor.

Answer 5

What were these things they said? maybe you aren't over-reacting and it really was hurtful, dont always jump to the conclusion that its YOUR fault. But, I sound like a huge hypocrite because I look into the smallest details while having an argument, things people say, that kinda stuff, and I look to deep into it...sometimes you need to ignore it quickly by doing something that will take your mind off of it, (listening to music, seeing a movie, something with a friend, ect.) and if you don't sometimes those little things will keep barking at you, and annoying you. Next time, do something fun shortly after.

Answer 6

I do the same thing. Little things, sometimes really insignificant things can still bother me days afterwards. I just try to ignore them and don't let it show. Eventually I get over it.

It's just a personal quirk.

Answer 7

Repeat as needed:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Answer 8

...yep, that switch is called 'self discipline'