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My son was murdered. I feel so lost a lot. My ex wont share his ashes. Does any one else have this problem?

2007-03-14 06:55:00 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

23 answers

I am sorry you lost your son. However, the ashes are NOT your son. Here is a poem written by an unnamed Native American. I hold this dear to me whenever I think of someone I loved that has been called home by the Creator:

Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there
I do not sleep
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glints on snow
I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle Autumn rain
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds
In circled flight
I am the soft stars that shine at night
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there
I did not die
Author Unknown

2007-03-14 07:08:43 · answer #1 · answered by Starla_C 7 · 4 0

Normally when the death of a child or young adult occurs the parents (even if divorced) seem to put aside personal feelings and share in the loss of their loved one. Cremated remains (ashes as you call them) can be divided into two or more containers for remembering. This has been done repeatedly over the years. The "ashes" can be placed in tiny lockets for ladies, small keepsake urns, other types of jewelry etc.
If I were setting in an arrangement room with you and ex-husband and explaining the options and choices the chances are that the cremated remains would have been divided or shared by both of you. I do not know the reason(s) as to why he won't share but it must be very personal.
You must also remember that you have many fine memories of your son and that should be more important that the cremated remains.
If you wish to talk or email about this, feel free to send me an email. I am holdng back somewhat due to the nature of your question and don't wish to 'tell the entire Yahoo world'

2007-03-14 07:34:22 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

I'm very sorry to hear about your son. If you would like to receive some of your son's ashes and your ex won't, I suggest contacting an attorney who could write a letter to your ex requesting a portion of the ashes. A letter from an attorney might scare him enough that he will share.
You could also contact a TV judge show. Judge Judy just had a case where someone's ashes were in dispute. Good luck and God Bless.

2007-03-14 07:00:49 · answer #3 · answered by stseukn 5 · 2 0

First let me say how sorry I am for your loss. I couldn't imagine losing a child. I work in the cemetery industry. From my experience, ashes are very rarely shared. Many religions preach against doing such a thing. The main cemetery I work for is a Catholic cemetery. We either bury or entomb the cremated remains. I could understand your desires though. If you and your ex still live in close proximity, maybe you can agree on a final resting place so both of you can visit whenever you like. I know that doesn't solve your problem though.

2007-03-14 07:04:30 · answer #4 · answered by Concerned 1 · 1 0

sorry about your loss. If he was under the age of 18, family court could take care of this. If he was over the age of 18 then civil court could take care of this...

I think it is horrible that your ex doesnt have respect for you or your son to withhold your son's ashes like that, as a parent myself and if I were in that situation, I would be talking to a lawyer and have him do whatever is legally possible.

2007-03-14 07:33:42 · answer #5 · answered by giveu2tictacs 5 · 0 0

I'm sorry for your loss and pain. You could get a lawyer and fight for your son's ashes but would your son really want that. You could always plant a tree in your yard in memory of him and when you really start to miss him just sit under the tree and talk to him. His spirit will always surround you regardless of where his remains are kept. Keep your head up!!!!

2007-03-14 07:24:17 · answer #6 · answered by L 3 · 0 0

I'm so sorry to hear about your son. I hope they caught the person. I would suggest calling a lawyer, and seeing if there is something that can be done about sharing his ashes.

2007-03-14 07:03:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

I'm very sorry for your loss. You may want to consider a memorial for your son, something personal that you can connect to and help your healing process.

Did your son leave a will directing the disposal of his remains? If your child was a minor, who had custody of him? These issues could greatly affect your chances of contesting your ex's action in court. Speak with a lawyer if you seriously want to pursue this.

2007-03-14 07:02:34 · answer #8 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 1 0

my heart goes out to you, and yes I have been there---my ex disposed of my son's and there was nothing I could do about it, please seek out a support group or a counselor, this is the worst time of your life and it is tough to go alone, GBY and remember you can only get through this one day at a time, one moment at a time, but sweetie, you WILL get through this, hold on to and cherish the memories and the loving times you shared with your son, and hate the callous act that did this to him, at least for awhile, the anger does in a strange way help you through the grief, and even in time it will subside some.

2007-03-14 07:05:17 · answer #9 · answered by sandi c 3 · 1 0

I am sorry for your loss. Have you considered asking him to place him in a Columbarium where you both have access to visit? It may not be the exact solution you want but having some time with him is better than this fight you are having over who gets him and who doesn't. I'm sure there are local places where this could be arranged.

2007-03-14 07:13:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

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