My daughter moved out.?

Question

She's 17--will be 18 in a month. I have another daughter (8 yo) at home, and well, it is wrong that I am relieved she left ? I love her and I want more for her than she is choosing, but if everytime we have an argument or discussion she does't like,she either leaves or threatens to leave, then its just a power struggle--"play my way or I take my ball and go home" kind of scenario. What do I do from here so that we don't end up lestranged and not talking to each other until one of us is on their deathbed?

Answer 1

It's incredibly hard, isn't it!? You want the best for your kids, but they want the upper hand. I'm assuming you know where she is, and that part doesn't have you worried, just let her go for a bit. Kids always think the grass is greener some where else, and usually realize they were wrong and come running back. As her mother, just always keep the lines of communication open, but do not allow her to think she can say or act anyway she wants. Not only does it give her the impression that mom's a push over, but it's bad for your 8 yr. old daughter as well. She doesn't need to see that happening and you surly don't want her treating you like that one day. God Bless:)

Answer 2

Sweetie, I know it hurts you either way ; living with her or without her. At least you still have her. Good or bad, right or wrong. It's always tough for the parent in this type situation bc you want to protect her more than anything. some girls and boys alike think and truly believe they know whats best for them and you just have to let them go and find out how hard it actually is on their own no matter who she is living with or what she is doing.
Although it will be the hardest thing to do, Nothing is the best thing to do in this case. I believe that you know and say that if you DO try to do anything she will only rebel and argue more.
This is like trying to put two of the same poles of magnets together. It just cant be done till you turn one around or let it spin around on it's own and in it's own time; understand?
Let her think and feel she is right and she will see that she isn't on her own. I can almost tell you what will happen in the future but it wont help. nobody can really predict the future as you know...but if you just give her space and time, she will feel something is missing..and you know what that is? Right her home, her mom and her sister. She may call sometime , but dint expect it to be real soon, just be thee for her when she comes around and listen, dint try to dictate. Treat her as you would a good or neutral friend who has just started a new life and things will go pretty smooth. The key is to not tell her what to do about anything, rather give suggestions using the asking technique, as in would you like my suggestion or advice? and leave it at that, and let her make up her own mind right or wrong. More than likely if she is a good choice maker it could be possibly the right choice, but it will be her choice, not yours, and she cant really blame it on you.
So, that all said, again watch and see what happens when you actually do nothing.
Basically if you leave her be and let her have a dose of the world she will be fine. If you think she is doing everything bad and wrong she will have to suffer the consequences. And life is the best teacher. millions have done this exact same thing and they are all doing just fine. And prob all love their mothers
Having a good friend or a family member for your support through the silence is golden part will be good for you also; and your 8 year old. Be all there for her especially at this time to be a great example. Be strong and you will be glad you were, just wait and see..praying for her safety and well being, etc. may put you at great ease if you believe in God that He will watch over and protect his own children.

Answer 3

It may be a good thing that she moved out. I know I get along better now with my father than when I was living in his house. She needs her space to do her thing. But also she needs the distance to realize that she misses you, that she needs you, and that a lot of the things you tell her are right or for her own good. She will come to realize this. Let her come around. And no, dont feel wrong that you feel relieved that she's gone. I'm sure you still love her just as much and more and you really, really miss her but this distance will be good for both of you (I think so anyways). Give her a call here and there but not too often, let her miss you and she'll call you and come looking for you.

Answer 4

It's probably a good thing that she moved out. Now you two should be able to work on having a mother daughter relationship because you won't see each other all the time and be with each other all the time. She will have her space and you will have yours. My mother and I used to argue all the time and once I moved out on my own and had to "grow up" I saw things differently and know that she was only trying to protect me. We are now closer than ever talk every day. She lives 2 hours from me but we make sure to meet or visit each other once a month. Shopping trips, lunch, anything just to spend time together. I think things will change for the better, just be patience.

Answer 5

Just keep in touch. Call her once or twice a week, know what she's doing in life. Keep encouraging her. She is at an age now where she thinks she knows more than you, and that you're just old and you don't know anything about "the times" but in a few years from now, everything will come together and she'll realize that alot of the things you said to her were true. Just keep encouraging her to work hard, stay in school, make sure she knows she can do anything she puts her mind to, and never to sell herself short. And no matter WHAT she chooses to do, you should be her soft place to fall. Shes gonna make mistakes and it's important that you're there for her to cry to because you are her mother.

Answer 6

If you have tought her right she will be okay at that age it is tuff they want to be the powerfull one with everyone not just mom. Maybe this will give her some insight on what life is really like, maybe she needs to be put in her place while she is out on her own!! You are probably relieved now because there will be less arguing and the missing and worring will come soon enough. Id say wait it out for now she how she does then take it from there.

Answer 7

No, you are not wrong to feel relieved that she left - but as a parent we think that if we have those types of feelings there is something wrong with us. The reality is, we have children, they grow up, they leave. Some with less drama then others And we are also people that have lives outside of our children.

She will be fine and she will keep in touch with you and her sis. Sometimes it's better to learn some life lessons the hard way - they tend to "stick" better.

A Mom

Answer 8

I don't have an direct answer for you but I feel for you.
My daughter is 13 and were going through the same power struggle.
But, your daughters older so at that age It's typical, I guess, to want to compete with your Mom. I did.
Give her her freedom and hope she'll remember what you taught her when she's on her own. She'll probably never give you credit for it but if she turns out OK (even hating you!) You will have done your job as a mom.

Answer 9

She will be an adult in a month. Legally you arent responsable of her anymore. Let her leave. Im pretty sure she'll be back. It takes alot of responsabily and hard work to support ones self. It seems to me like shes not ready for this responsabilities. If she had wanted to go. She wouldve have left already. If she does decide to leave to make a scene out of it. The Only thing that will happend is that you guys will stop talking to each other. Tell her that its ok with you for her to leave. That shes welcome to come back, but if she does leave and come back it will be under your rules.

Answer 10

I can't imagine what u must be going thru. I think she is too young to be out on her own. Perhaps u can have a heart to heart talk with her and tell her to wait till she is 21 before striking out on her own. At 18, she is still a baby. I have a daughter that age and I am still protective of her.