I just asked the question about my husband possibly cheating-I have asked him-he says he is not doing anything, and I am being paranoid. The affair he had before was while he was in Iraq-and it was emotional and he says was never physical-I know he is working out of town-talked to his co-workers-but I wonder if he is volunteering to go-I have told him to have enough repect for me to tell me if he wants out, so I can move on-and he says he doesn't want me to leave-that he loves me-but he can't seem to give me any reasons why he loves me. Things were incredible with us until he went to Iraq-he has been home now for 15 months-we have a 10 week old daughter-he never seems to want to spend time with either of us. He has been on the computer alot,he says it is because he has more responsiblities from the military now. I feel like I can't leave without knowing for sure, I can't stay always being suspicious-he has never been alone-so I don;t think he will leave, he will try to get me to.
2007-03-14 06:34:20 · 15 answers · asked by mdarting 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he didnt have an affair with an iraq woman-he had an emotional affair with another woman soldier-that lasted a year
2007-03-14 06:47:01 · update #1
If you don't trust him, your marriage is doomed anyway. You may as well make it official.
2007-03-14 06:38:39 · answer #1 · answered by Martin Pedersen 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If you can, try to be more of a friend than a wife for awhile. If he is at home, leave the baby with him and go out to a movie, or shopping or have coffee with a friend. He needs to know that he is a father with the concerns that go with it. Some men will feel that they aren't needed when the wife is involved with a baby, and to save their pride, will withdraw emotionally. Stop asking him how he feels about you. He has already told you that he doesn't want you to leave, so accept that. Nagging is a bad thing and men don't like the repetition of these questions. Start telling him how nice he is, and how you appreciate the good things he does for you. Make home a good place and not somewhere he has to be on guard. Cook his favorite foods, and act as though you are courting him again. Sure he loves you, he is just having a problem trying to convince you. Keep quiet, and smile when you see him. Best wishes
2007-03-14 13:49:15 · answer #2 · answered by tylernmi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to have trust in any relationship to make it work. Perhaps maybe you are being paranoid because of what he had done. I can't blame you for wondering, but have you crossed the line of wondering to it being an obsession? I still think the 2 of you should continue your counseling, and work at better communication. Also if he is not doing anything then ask him for the passwords for the email account, if he says no then your suspicions are founded if he gives them to you, then there really is nothing going on. Don't let this drive you crazy though, try to take it easy and stop accusing him every time he walks out the door, that's the best way to make sure he will have an affair. I wish you the best of luck and I hope you find your answers soon.
2007-03-14 13:45:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your husband went through a lot of turmoilin Iraq. War changes people. wondering if you are going to be the next one to die. watching your friends die. He is home now and he is probably trying to find himself again.
whether he had sex with this person doesn't matter. An emotional affair is harder to deal with. because so much of who you are goes into it. I am sorry he can not possibly love you the same way he did. he could love you more or he could love you less. You need to give him space and stop questioning him.
I would rather my husband had a physical affair because then he only gave physically but giving emotionally means a big part of him loved her.
If you do not trust him then your relationship is doomed to failure. YOu need to decide if you are willing to trust him and give him the time he needs to figure out what is going on in his head. If you are you need to back off a little. If you just can not do it then you need to sit down with him and talk to him about that. with out accusing or anger. with only love
2007-03-14 14:02:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that he should just be honest if you don't believe him then maybe it was not meant to be either wise one day when he is on the computer check what he is doing when he gets some water or whenever he gets up and leaves for a second then sneak up to the computer find out what he has been so busy with if you find him chatting with another girl confront him if nothing is on the computer but you still have suspicions then if he is on the Internet look at is recent searches that should be able to tell you a lot about what he is looking at and what he is doing
2007-03-14 13:47:55 · answer #5 · answered by girlsrulejenna 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Clearly there are plenty of issues in your relationship that need clearing up. It sounds like you cannot trust him and that is what a relationship is based on. i am sorry you are in such an awkward and painful situation. My advice to you would be to seek marriage counseling. See if your husband will go with you...if he is truly doing nothing and wants the marriage to work, he will. If he refuses to go, get counseling for yourself. You are going to need to be mentally and physically well to care for your baby, whether or not you stay together. My thoughts and prayers are with you. i certainly wish you the very best.
2007-03-14 13:42:14 · answer #6 · answered by fair blue 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I doubt he would go to Iraq for the girl, life sucks there, and he cant bring her here unless he gets married to her in which case he will have to divorce you first. You will get your answer for sure in time but if you want it now, then hire a private detective and have them search the computer and emails before he knows it. If you have access to the computer install a keylogger to get his email password and see what he is doing.
2007-03-14 13:41:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
um, if he had an emotional affair he probably slept with her, imo.
but probably he wont ever see her again and may be pining for her. i would be cautious if i were you. try not to put that in his face, in fact dont mention it cause that will just cause problems. try to get on with your lives but keep an eagles eye on him.
2007-03-14 13:43:54 · answer #8 · answered by maylene1852 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may be having trouble dealing with all the feeling he had and the things that he experianced in Irag.Pray for him.I will pray for you both.
2007-03-14 13:38:38 · answer #9 · answered by Buck 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like he does love you he just cant give reasons right away....u have to realize 2 things....#1 men hate telling women their feelings unless u bug them until they do....#2 he just came back from war 15 months ago and may still be adjusting to his life at home again.....dont give up on ur marriage....if u want to keep him in ur life and ur daughters then you have to work on it with him....gl and congrats on the new baby hun
2007-03-14 13:41:17 · answer #10 · answered by hot12flirt 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i am telling you
do THE LANDMARK FORUM
it will lay all this rhetoric and drama to rest bigtime!
you are worrying and talking yourself into a hole
2007-03-14 15:18:39 · answer #11 · answered by lowroad 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋