I'm 45,Wifes 38,Three children.Seperated twice before trying to make 3rd try at,together 25 years,a home in her name only.This reconciliation she change alot,goes out every chance she gets,even when i'm off.shestates there's no stopping her,because I took her youth .I tell her to much will result in her meeting someone else.Over the years sex dwindled,No passion between us,now she says we should see someone else,which i thinks she's doing already.I must admit that a boring individual & not financially able to give her the world but i'm here not running the streets,while i'm home with the kids,she's off .When i ask she tells me to get a life.Because of the fact she says to see someone else is this her way of saying mind your buisness, I'm going to continue on this path.Why do i feel bad?Is it because of all the years together.Can't really tell the whole story here.Should I ignore what she's doing or leave?
2007-03-14 06:26:19 · 19 answers · asked by Ira D 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No one can decide for you when it is time to cut your losses, and when each of you would be better off alone..... too much to consider --- kids, $$$ etc.
But perhaps letting you know what marriage is, or ought to be, all about might help you decide:
I think marriage is admiration, respect, passion and trust, with lots of little pieces that make up each of these four biggies --- kindnesses, resolving issues without rage or trouncing on the other's ego, and sometimes, the best any of us can do is just shut the hell up. Communication is a trick we don't teach in hs, and few really know how to do it.... I suggest you read a book called "The Assertive Option".... it deals with that.... learning to say things like...." I feel that our differences on this issue are so great we will never find a common ground unless...." " I really need for us to......" . (No one can ever argue about what you need or what you want, or what you feel....) Rather than what you might really like to say, "You are suck a jerk when you...." Why did you do that? Are you trying to be stupid?......." See the difference?
If she is already involved with someone else, hon, betrayal is really the final deal breaker in marriage. The trust is gone, the passion is with someone else, and the admiration and respect you had for her is in the toilet with the other two. And if that is the case, you don't have a marriage any longer.
How are you doing so far?
Assuming you both wish to save this marriage, I'd suggest a few sessions of counseling. You may find that you have less of a problem or problems that you can resolve. You may also find out that you have no reason to continue.... Good luck, hon.
2007-03-14 07:29:39 · answer #1 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you see someone else this looks bad on a divorce case seeing that you have children. Consult a marriage counselor is the best option here, but I believe she is doing these things to get your attention, ie make you feel jealous. Get you life together, and make best with what you have because if your sex life is not up to par then you might as well go with someone else but then there are the kids. If your children have moved out or are all adults then the decision is yours otherwise you should stay but a have a chat with your wife.
2007-03-14 06:32:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she refuses to go to counselling with you, then her decision is made. YOU should go to counselling to unload and to get some professional advice.
You should see a lawyer to learn of your rights - possession-wise and custody of the children. You don't want her taking everything you have, including the kids, if there are steps you can take now to prevent it.
From the little bit you've written - sounds like it's time to end it. Yeah, you've invested 25 years together, but unless she's willing to re-connect -- you're in for alifetime of hell. and no one deserves that. You don't have to give a woman the world to be a worthy man - If you are there for her and support her emotionally - and are a good father, then it's her loss, imo.
Good luck to you whatever you choose, but it does sound like you're losing more sleep over it than her.
You need to unload on a professional and seek some legal advice.
2007-03-14 06:32:08 · answer #3 · answered by Mary C 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't ignore it. What made you get back together? The kids? If so, what kind of example are you showing them? You're obviously not in a healthy relationship and your wife is going through a mid-life crisis. If you are boring, are you willing to change, add some spice to your relationship? If she doesn't respond to that then there's really no point bringing each other down. Good luck.
2007-03-14 06:30:10 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tough situation, maybe it's just a phase, she has to go out and have some fun, maybe you can try to rekindle the passion so that she can settle down again, when she comes home from work next time, setup a nice dinner, a nice bubble bath, etc. If she doesn't change after you put in your effort, have a good talk to her about the kids and if you should stay together for the kids.
2007-03-14 06:38:13 · answer #5 · answered by www.japanvideogames.com 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask her if she is seeing someone. If she says no, ask her to go to counseling with you. If she refuses hire a private investigator to follow her or get a baby sitter and do it yourself. You also need to get some counseling for yourself. It seems to me you are feeling less than worthy and you are puuting yourself down. Don't do that .....be strong. It's not fair to you she is doing what she is doing.
In the end, it's ultimately up to you and how much crap you can take on whether you will leave or not....If it was me I would, but only after I got an attorney and knew I would have visitation with my kids or got custody....What you don't want is it to backfire and she gets the kids because you "abandoned" them
2007-03-14 06:38:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There should be no confusion here. She is not satisfied with you as a husband. She goes out constantly and says she wants to see other people. She is more or less telling you to get out! The only thing she hasn't done yet is to serve you with paperwork for a divorce. I think the message is clear enough you are just unwilling to read it. Do what she wants and find yourself a life on your own.
2007-03-14 06:46:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats a tough question, some people who love that person who is doing terrible things to them eventually get even more hurt in the end. I know that it's going to hurt alot now, but you deserve better than that. Here's a quote that I've always heard and believe is true. "No man or woman is worth your tears and the one who is won't make you cry." I've always stuck to that cause it's true! You may hurt now by leaving, but you will gain so much more.
2007-03-14 06:34:20 · answer #8 · answered by dala_o_2003 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should leave--she is taking advantage of you-you are basically a babysitter while she is going out and meeting other guys...keep track of her behavior and comments about seeing other people because you will probably get custody of the kids in this situation--she sounds promiscuous and irresponsible--Don't be so down on yourself--you will find someone better--who respects you and who you are--if she's missed out on her youth-well--she should live it up--on her own time --not with you to fall back on--so go ahead and get out of the situation--good luck...
2007-03-14 06:32:10 · answer #9 · answered by Shay 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u could feel bad bcuz of all the yrs together..its really hard to say..cuz obviously she had ur kids and u dont want them to feel abandoned but at the same time u dont want her running around like that...id probably leave....for all u know she could be meeting someone else when she goes out. oh and when u do decide to leave take the kids..and go get custody..if shes always gone she doesnt deserve to have kids
2007-03-14 06:31:23 · answer #10 · answered by blondie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋