Is my husband cheating? physical or emotional affair?

Question

We used to be in therapy a year ago because while he was in Iraq he had an emotional affair. After that we had to be compltetely open with each other including telling each other passwords to emails, phone records, etc. lately, I found out he has a myspace he didn;t tell me about-he has 2 friends on it that are both female-his profile says he is single and he doesn't want children(we have a baby together)-his excuse is that he didn't fill out the profile info-(it does say single if not changed but says no answer on children if not touched) getting suspicious, I checked his email and saw that he had changed his password for I don;'t know it anymore. He says he doesn't want to go back to therapy-cause he didn't like the one before and with a new one-we would have to bring up the past(Iraq). He still wants to have sex-not as often and only quickies. he has been working out of town alot lately and rarely ever did before. How do I find out what is going on? We have been married 21/2yr

I am from Kansas. I have a myspace but the difference is-I told him as soon as I set it up-told him the user id and password-and it says I am married-he never told me about his-and he set his up 2 months before I did. When I ask him about hiding things he says he didn't think about it cause it wasn't a bid deal-and he wasn't purposely hiding things from me. he just blows it off whenever I say he is doing things that are suspicious. Whenever I get upset with him-he kisses my butt for a few days-then it is back to where it was. I don;t know what I am doing-maybe it is a midlife crisis or something-being that we recently had a baby-he is 33-and he has been spending money on credit cards and I don;t know what on-the statements show mostly restaurants-but he goes o eat with his guys from work everyday-so hard to prove anything

Answer 1

ask him hes probly chaeting

Answer 2

Can I just say that I feel for you, is your husband a marine or army?? if so the military that came from there did have a bad outcome because of the war. I have a lot of marine friends here in San Diego,a few died because of the war and the rest that came home wasn't the same anymore. Your husband is going through "postpartum" and because of this his loosing the prospective of his life. Having an affair can not justify his action, his already showing the sign of "denial" for not going back to see the councilor. I'm not saying to push him but right now,he start lying again like what he did before.
Him changing the password of his computer and going back on line talking to 2 diff. girls is a bad sign of his "war postpartum", you must help him by going to see a councilor and talk about whats going on with him. You can also find a person that do fix computer where they can get the password of your husband.
You can also try to think of all the words that he knows like, his full name, birthday, anniversary, the year that you both got married or maybe the serial number that he use in military,......just be creative or else you will loose the man that you knew before..hope this help,if you want I'll be here to listen...

Answer 3

Counseling once and already back up to suspicious behavior in 2 1/2 years? The fact that he is even resistent to counselling/ talking about it shows that he sees the past as 'one I've already gotten away with.' I do not believe you will be able to move forward as he will see this as just a sign you are giving in to his behavior again and letting him off the hook. Let him know firmly one last time he can take actions to help rebuild the trust in your relationship or you will take action and end the relationship. Give a deadline and stick to what you say. Or get ready for a lifetime of broken promises and emotional abandonment.

Answer 4

Your husband's doing something that he doesn't want you involved in. If he has already cheated, and he's doing this stuff now, I would think he's cheating again. In a marriage, especially, two people must be open with each other which he is NOT. Since he's unwilling to continue marriage counseling, I would start giving ultimatums. I would NOT put up with that!

Answer 5

That's a hard one sweetie. I can tell you that it will sometimes say that you don't want children if you leave it untouched. But what really matters is that he's not being honest with you these days. If he's cheating or not (or toying with the idea) he's defininitly taking steps to regain his independence from you. Maybe it's time for you to look at the reality of your situation. Let him do what he's going to do. You'll find out one way or the other. Don't stress yourself trying to catch him, I PROMISE HE'LL BUST HIMSELF OUT EVENTUALLY. In the meantime, make sure you and your husband are using condoms............and try to remember what your life was like before him. Learn to enjoy your time with yourself and your child, THAT'S PRICELESS. You two will be okay in the end either way. Take care of you, because if you don't...............no one else will. I wish you the best!

Answer 6

Ummmm........... I don't want to give you any wrong advice but there is definitely something fishy going on. I'm not saying that he really is cheating but if that were my husband we would already be separated. He doesn't seem like he wants to work anything out since he doesn't want to go back to therapy and if both of you don't want to work on it it's not really a marriage. You can only do so much your self to make it work if he doesn't meet you half way then you will be miserable don't spend too much of your time sticking it out and look back in a few years with regret. The best of luck.

Answer 7

You already know what is gong on honey--I am sorry to have to pretty much confirm this for you--but your husband is a full-on LIAR--he is going on websites telling people he is basically available--telling them he doesn't want kids--so basically he is hooking up with people who Don't want relationships--women who know that he just wants to play around--and he is probably meeting them and having affairs--why am i telling it to you harshly--like it is?...Because you should not waste anymore time with someone like him--it will harm you and your child--Yes--your husband may be wonderful in many other ways--but loyalty and honsety are major in my book and these things cannot be taught at later ages--either someone is honest and loyal or they are not--you can not trick or convine or analyze someone into becoming loyal--they have to WANT to be that way on their own...and it looks like he is not even into going to therapy again--you know why? because the therapist will see through him in an instant--and he knows it--You know what is happening--You go to therapy to find out how to get out of this relationship before you go crazy....Good Luck....and I'm sorry....

Answer 8

Before you launch an investigation to figure out if your husband is cheating (which it sounds like he's looking to do) you first must ask yourself why? Why would he cheat? What aren't you doing to where he has to create myspace accounts and find friends online?

Answer 9

I'm not saying either way that he is or isn't cheating BUT, I did that on myspace too and it automatically comes up single and do not want kids. I have a son and it took me forever to figure out how to change that.

Answer 10

You already know the answer to this question. Listen to your gut feeling. Now, relax, take a breath, and get yourself prepared to deal with it. If he won't consider counseling again, make your plans to leave. You'll never be happy with someone you can't trust.

Good luck

Answer 11

You make try to talk to him about the password thing and see his response. He seems to be going on the same path.

If he won't go to counseling or be completely open with you, you don't have much of a choice.

Get proof. Then get out.