My husband looks at porn a lot...I asked him how often and he said almost every night. He looks up free videos (particularly of girls giving guys oral sex) late at night when I'm alseep. I feel kind of confused about it, because on one hand I am okay with it because I'd rather he look at porn than cheat on me, but on the other hand I feel like he is doing it too much and he could just ask ME to do whatever it is he is looking at. We got into a fight last night and this morning I got on the computer and found SEVERAL porn videos and websites on the computer from last night....so I installed a porn blocker. I am really tired of this whole porn thing...it makes me feel as if he values jerking off to some whore giving a ******** over the REAL sex he could be having with me! He masturbates to porn more often than we have sex! And I am always willing to have sex whenever he wants and I always will try things he wants in bed; do you think I will be making things worse by blocking it?
2007-03-14 05:52:34 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
p.s. I have told him before that I'm okay with him looking at porn but that it makes me uncomfortable that he looks at it so much....he said he wouldn't do it so much, but obviously he still is!!
2007-03-14 05:54:21 · update #1
porn is a big problem on the net maybe they should make laws against it like they do addicting drugs.
2007-03-14 06:08:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
I understand your concern, but you need to be careful about sending your husband mixed messages. On the one hand, you told him you were ok with it, yet you feel he's doing it too much. Also, if I were your husband, I would be angry that you were treating me like a child by placing a porn blocker on the computer. If you were considering placing a porn blocker, you should have found a way to discuss it with him first before you put it on.
Evaluate your own feelings about porn. Are you threatened by the porn or just have a problem with the amount that he does? Have you calmly sat down to tell him how you feel? Have you both ever sat down and discussed how both of you feel about porn? Why he likes it? When was the last time you both sat down and discussed your sex life? Are both of you happy with it?
I might approach it this way: "Honey, I don't want to argue with you. I hate that we got into a fight this morning. I know I told you that I don't have a problem with you viewing porn, but I'm realizing that I have a problem with the amount of porn you're viewing. It's making me feel like you prefer the porn over me. Help me to understand what it means to you and how you view our sex life. I really want to understand so we can both be happy." Then really listen to what he has to say and let it sink in.
I'm not defending your husband, I don't think there's a right or wrong side. I do think that maybe the manner in which you communicate as a couple is definitely adding to your situation and making things more difficult. Neither of you really understands the other.
2007-03-14 06:22:19 · answer #2 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First, the fact that you gave your husband "permission" to look at porn is crazy because
Second, looking at porn is the same as cheating. Masturbating is sexual activity. If you aren't the star of the show, someone else is.
A man can have an orgasm by himself or with you. He choose not to include you. But, my point is the brain cannot tell the difference between what is "real" and what is fantasy. The same chemical release occurs whether he is with another woman or looking at porn.
Your husband has lost his imagination and creativity when it comes to seducing you. It's easier for him to just click, point and jerk. If he were seeing someone else - a real person, at least he would have some seductive skills that you would benefit from. Then you could actually use your seductive skills as a woman to keep your husband from cheating. You can't compete with a computer.....or his fantasies.......Porn is worse than if he were having sex with another woman.......
2007-03-14 06:38:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
The fact that he prefers porn to sex with you most of the time, even when you are available and eager to satisfy him, shows he has a problem.
He shouldnt want to watch porn unless he needs it for an outlet when he cant have you. I think some men equate the porn masturbation fantasy to being like getting some strange or something like that.
Best of luck solving this one.
2007-03-14 06:49:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is addicted to porn. That can really kill a sexual relationship. It can also lead elsewhere like cheating. I feel that porn had drug like qualities. There is mild porn that is like POT. Then there is fetish porn that is more like heroine. We tend to progress through the mild stuff because it doesn't give us the same satisfaction. Next thing you know you are into the heroine of porn and truly addicted to it. From there one might end up trying to make contact with people to make the experience more real. It never ends until ones life is a wreck. Loss of job, failed marriage possibly jailtime if you have God forbid gotten involved with child porn. I love porn but I try and maintain limits.
2007-03-14 06:05:39 · answer #5 · answered by Devdude 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Why would you install a porn blocker? It's not like he is a child. There are more problems in your relationship than this porn issue. But trying to block it is just going to make the situation worse and you really won't be getting sex from him.
2007-03-14 06:46:31 · answer #6 · answered by NLH823 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
He has a serious addiction and a gross one at that. Any man who looks at porn is lacking in some way...or is terribly immature. My husband doesn't even like the computer - the few times we've caught soft porn shows on TV he makes fun of them and doesn't enjoy them; turns them off...so not every man is interested in it. The ones that are I would definitely worry about.
2007-03-14 06:17:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes it will make things worse have you tried looking at porn with him?hate to say this but maybe sex is boring to him with you try different stuff and not just in the bedroom i mean when you 2 are out examples random flash a truck driver ,or pull a twin out driving and let him play or give him some highway delight its clear that he is having sexual fantasies and jerking off to them get more involved in them u never know u might enjoy it too
2007-03-14 06:10:39 · answer #8 · answered by demondriver 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Porn blocker will only cause your husband to go elsewhere to look at porn or he may buy his own P.C
He does sound as if he's addicted to porn. Anyone that prefers porn to the real thing has a problem and needs help.
2007-03-14 06:02:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
THAT'S SOMETHING YOUR NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO STOP. A MAN LIKE THIS STOPS ON HIS OWN, OR CALMS IT DOWN. YOUR NOT GOING TO STOP HIM. YOU CAN CRY BLUE IN THE FACE AND TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL AND IT'S NOT GOING TO DO ANY GOOD. IF HE DON'T CONTROL IT, HE COULD GO OUT IN CHEAT. AM NOT SAYING THAT'S WHAT HE DOING NOW, BUT THAT WHERE THIS BEHAVIOR IT'S UP. IF HE DON'T CONTROL IT HE GOING TO NEED HELP. MY FIRST HUSBAND WAS THE SAME WAY. HE HAD THIS PROBLEM FOR A FEW YEARS . HE CHEATED DURING THIS TIME.BUT HE GREW OUT OF THE PORN SCENE. LETS HOPE YOUR HUSBAND WILL TOO. P.S AND DON'T GO TELL EVERYONE YOU BOTH KNOW. DON'T PUT YOUR HUSBAND OUT LIKE THAT. KEEP IT BETWEEN YOU TWO. THIS IS A REAL PERSONAL MATTER. AND IF YOU NEED HELP GET IT FROM YOUR CHURCH OR A PROFESSIONAL, DON'T GO TELL FAMILY/FRIENDS. SUBMIT TO YOUR HUSBAND ON THIS ONE. HE NEEDS YOU.
2007-03-14 06:18:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
He sounds as though he is addicted to the porn. But like any addiction, until he realizes he has a problem, he won't be able to get help.
2007-03-14 06:06:00 · answer #11 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋