When your Hubby is forgetful, are you making it worse by picking up the slack and doing said things for him?

Question

Or do you pull him off the couch/bed/whatever, and insist he do it himself, on principle so that he feels the consequences of forgetting?

Answer 1

You need to set boundaries. If you take care of him by not letting him feel the consequences of his actions then you are being co-dependant. This is not good.

You need to take care of yourself by doing the things you need to do so that you can be happy. If your husband misses an appoinment but you call to rescue him then that is a bad thing. He needs to call. If he is late to work, the lawn looks bad, chores don't get done, his dishes pile up in the sink, his clothes are dirty because they haven't been washed, etc. then it is because of his choices. This is a partnership and you are not his mommy. He needs to participate in the responsibilities.

I could go on and on about this but I won't. I do recommend that you get a book called "Boundaries". Get the book and the workbook. The link is listed below. Start here. The book is under Christian but if you are not please don't let this bother you. It has more practical psychological advice than you commonly might find in Christian circles.

Answer 2

Shouldn't the goal of a marriage be mutually beneficial? To help the spouse with their weaknesses, and having your spouse help you with yours?

So what if he's forgetful? Is that such a sin? Maybe he's busy all day at work trying to keep things straight and he doesn't want to be nagged when he gets home. Why can't you help him with that?

Are you 100% perfect with everything? Are you better at every single thing than your husband? Do you fix things around the house? Do you take out the trash at nights?

Go ahead, yank him off the couch when he forgets something. Here are your most likely outcomes in no particular order:

1. He tells you to %#%% off.
2. He starts spending more and more time away from home.
3. He leaves all together.

If you're happy with those outcomes, then be my guest.

Answer 3

Wow well I am sure you to forget things, right?
Do others treat you like this when you forget.... No one is perfect and if you are unhappy with your marriage this is a rather little thing, don't you agree.....

I have had a head injury and memory is not good. If I were treated like this I would feel even worse about what I forget on a daily bases....Lowering my self esteem even more then it already had been after my accident.

Maybe your husband is tired or he could just be figuring you will take care of it. Have you talked to your husband about how much this bothers you? If he doesn't care how much it bothers you it might just be time for counseling with a professional, good luck!

Answer 4

If he's forgetful and regrets it, I would def pull him up off the couch and make him do things. I've learned that if they are forgetful and I do it for them; later on they take advantage of that and me and still not do anything, which is not a good thing. Last time, I let things stay and he didn't touch anything. Our relationship didn't last only because months down the line I realized i would have been an "employee" to him. I wasn't having that.

Answer 5

If someone forgets to do something, I have no problem reminding them. If they ask me to do it for them, that may be an option depending on the task and my availability.

Using "I forgot" as an excuse starts to become a habit for some though, especially if they find that someone else will then do that thing for them.

I'm all about personal responsibility. If you are forgetful, then set an alarm, or have some kind of reminder. Most of those types of people don't seem to forget the "fun" stuff going on in their life...y'know?

Answer 6

It isn't bad to complement your spouse on his forgetfulness and help out with a few things here and there, a marriage is a partnership. But, he also needs to be pulled off the couch to do his share!

Answer 7

I try not to be an enabler by doing things for him. I usually ask him in a pleasant tone when he can schedule himself to take care of fill in the blank. That gets him moving.

Answer 8

Relationship/marriage is all about one person picking up the slack that the other lacks, and vise versa. I am sure there are areas you lack that he picks up the slack in. Or your perfect, and I am mistaken.

Answer 9

my husband left me in on a little secret one time, he told me that if someone else will do something for a man than why should they do it, he told me that if he doesn't want to do things he would act like he forgot, well i told him to get over it!, i don't like touching his dirty underwear to put them in the washer, but well i have to! If he is honestly forgetting things then that is one thing but if you think he is doing it on purpose let things go that he is supposed to do and eventually he will realize you are not going to do it for him!

Answer 10

Just don't do it. It is his problem and he needs to learn marriage is a partnership. You shouldn't have to teach him like his mommy, he is an adult and knows what he should be doing. He is being selfish and disrespectful. Don't put up with it.