Can people change???

Question

My ex and i just got back together, met him when i was 16 am now 24, we broke up for about a year. When its good its great. When its bad it is soooo bad. He cheated on me and hit me a couple times and now says he's a different person. I believe he's my soulmate, we are so great together. Can people ever really change though?? He's older than me, he's 32 and i sometimes think that, when you pass a certain age, thats you, you are who you are.............what do you think???

Thanks to all of you with a little compassion. Just to add, i never said i dont know my self worth, all im saying is, if you really connected with someone and never gave them a second chance, you'd regret it right?? I guess i already know the answer, maybe just needed a little clarity thats all. I'm might be young, but im not an idiot!! (mizz magazine!! are you serious?? lol)

Answer 1

I think you are right that we are who we are but I believe age has very little to do with it. None of us stay the same throughout our lives. If we did then our experiences would be having no effect on us and, they say, we "learn from our experiences".

This man has betrayed your trust and love with other women and through his greater physical strength. He now believes he is different and he probably does think his bad behaviour is in the past.

Your feelings for him are obviously very strong.

Only you can decide what sort of life you want, what sort of life you are prepared to put up with and what sort of life you will have with him.

Me? I believe you will only know for sure the next time he smacks you one or scr*ws another woman...

Answer 2

Yes I believe that people can change.

U need to find out if u have change first.
The reason I said u need to find out if u change is bcz U r taking this boy back in to Ur life after every thing he has done to u.

Y would u want someone that hurts u emotionally and facially?

Do u now how much u r worth????
No woman need a boy that is going to hurt them. Life is to short to be in a bad relationship.

I don't think this person has truly change. Has he showed u he has? What is he doing? Is he in counseling? Or seeing some one for help?

Don't believe in the promises remember u were with him b4.

Let him show u with actions. Let him earn the right to be with u. Don't b so fragile to him. Show him what u really r a strong woman that deserve the best and don't settle for less than that.

Good luck take care of Ur self. I wish u the best.

Answer 3

People can change. Violence tho... Only you know him, Only you can tell. Soul mates are all well and good but do you think soul mates beat on each other. You are young and should be careful if you ever even think he might raise a hand to you again would say leave. There is more than one soul mate out there be it lover or friend. Just remember you are worth more than anything and you should always put your own safety and mental/physical health first. I wish you all the happiness. Good luck.

Answer 4

Anyone can change if they want to. It might be a good idea to seek relationship counselling before you two move back in together.

Take things slowly and date for a little while but seriously, I think seeing a therapist together would be a very wise investment for your future as a couple.

Answer 5

i think you need to run away from him fast! HES CHEATED ON YOU HIT YOU. that's not your soul mate. your young, obviously in doubt so get moving in the right direction the age difference has nothing to do with it people do tend to mellow with age and some people do change but an unfaithful man and an abusive one at that without counselling will never change .look to your family and friends if possible people who really do love you and seek their help in supporting you to move on and meet your Mr right . unless of course you just want to be manipulated by this bad man

Answer 6

People can change, with effort. If you want to be with him it's your choice. You should talk to him about your reservations (the past issues of abuse). If he's willing to have a reasonable conversation with you, that's a good sign. If he gets all bent out of shape over it or refuses, that's not a good sign. You need to address the past problems and let him know you won't allow yourself to be mistreated. I hope he has grown enough as a person to be good for you. If you see bad signs going back into a relationship with him, break it off early. You need to be #1 to yourself, or you will be no one's #1.

Answer 7

they can only hide behind " i've changed" any man that has cheated in the past will never be fully trustworthy he would just go the extra mile to hide it
and any man who has hit a woman isn't a man at all to be a cheat is 1 thing but to be a cheat who hits woman is completely untrustworthy
he may seam to have changed but when the pressure is on to prove himself i am afraid he will fail and then comes the violence

Answer 8

YES PEOPLE CAN CHANGE BUT ONLY IF AND WHEN THEY ARE READY TO DO SO YES THERE'S A SAYING YOU CAN'T TEACH A DOG NEW TRICKS BUT MAYBE YOU CAN RUB OFF ON HIM IF YOU LOVE HIM YOU TAKE THE GOOD WITH THE BAD BUT HE DOESN'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO HIT YOU MAYBE HE'S QUESTIONING HE MANHOOD ASK HIM BE TUFF STAND UP FOR YOU SELF PUT HIM IN HIS PLACE AND LET HIM KNOW YOU WON'T TAKE IT ANYONE IF HE KNOWS YOUR NOT SCARED OF HIM HE JUST MIGHT GET A CLUE THE NEXT IF IT KEEPS UP TELL HIM YOUR WALKING AND HE;LL NEVER GET YOU BACK DROP HIM LIKE A HOT POTATO FIND SOMEONE ELSE THAT RESPECTS YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE YOU DESERVE THAT TO YOURSELF I REALLY THINK HE'S AFRAID OF LOSING YOU SO THE IS HIS WAY OF TRYING TO KEEP YOU IT HAPPENED TO ME I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND TIL WE GOT DIVORCED AND YRS LATER AND I REALLY LOVED HIM AND I STILL DO HE STILL COMES AROUND AND HE DID CHEAT ON ME THERE TRYING TO SAY I'M THE BOSS YOU DO WHAT I SAY MY-EX TOLD ME THAT HE ACTED LIKE THAT BECAUSE HE WAS AFRAID OF LOSING ME AND I ASKED HIM WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST TALK TO ME BY ACTING THE WAY YOU DID AND HITTING ME YOU LOST ME SO I TOLD HIM BE THANKFUL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE BECAUSE WHEN YOU LOSE IT IT'S HARD TO GET IT BACK MY-EX STILL COMES AROUND ALMOST EVERY MONTH I GUESS HE CAN'T LET GO I COULDN'T TALK TO MY FAMILY OR HAVE FRIENDS OT TLK TO THE BUTCHER AT THE STORE I WAS JUST SUSPOSED TO HAVE BABIES AND LOOK PRETTY FOR HIM I DIDN'T WANT TO LIVE LIKE THAT WHEN YOU GET YOUR FILL OF HIM YOU'LL GET RID OF HIM OLY YOU CAN DECIED THAT FOR YOURSELF MAKE SURE THIS IS WHT YOU WANT IT'S YOUR LIVE GOOD LUCK

Answer 9

It really depends. I was once told, past behavior is the predictor of future behavior unless something dramatic happens to really change their perspective. Think of it this way, a boulder rolling down the hill won't stop until it has hit something that will change it's direction. So i would consider it... however, you know him better than I, so i can't really say if he would really change or not. go with your gut feeling on this one.

Answer 10

I think you're right! He is what he is and his nature is set and probably won't change. He might change some of his actions and his treatment of you, but I don't think at this point his personality and character can be altered. Make sure he is better and not just telling you that to get you back.