I love him very much, but he is a lot older than me, Im 26, our relationship has lasted for 2 years by now, and he is the only man I had sex with, maybe thats partially why Im crazyly in love with him... he says he loves me, and from the very beginning he always wants to marry me...but I dont want to bcos of the age difference, and also I dont know if its bcos he loves me or he just want to find a caretaker in his age...Im asian he is western, we met when I studied PhD in his country...I tried to break up with him, but I couldnt make it, Im emotionally not strong enough to do it...I dont know why I love him so much... now Im stuck in this situation... what should I do? Is age really that important? and does he, just some ppl told me, just want to find a caretaker? that really depresses me...
2007-03-14 04:54:32 · 17 answers · asked by jing j 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
we have a lot in common, although there are some cultural and language barriers, as for why I love him, the sex is an important reason but its not just that, there are other parts interest me. Actually in the 2 years, we lived together for half a year, but we were far apart for 1.5years, we ring each other everyday and we have good communication. he came to visit me 3 times and in a couple of months time I will be in his country again...so Im thinking if I should go to his city or not...bcos I know I wont want to leave him once Im there...I need to make a decision now... Thank you!!
2007-03-14 05:36:21 · update #1
Age might not be important right now, but when you both get older, you are going to be taking care of an old man and you'll still be young. Plus, think about this, just how much do you have in common with this man, you probably don't even like the same music.
2007-03-14 04:58:32 · answer #1 · answered by mark my words 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
30 yrs is quite a big difference. If you feel like he's looking for a caretaker then maybe you shouldnt get married. His around 56, right? Well, he's got plenty of "good" years left. If he's with a 26yr old, he must be quite young at heart. Maybe he'll be healthy and active well into his late 70's early 80's, which give you guys about 25 yrs (which is more than some YOUNG people's marriages last). I guess you must decide what you planned for your life. Do you want to end up being 50 taking care of your husband? Think about the kid situation too. Fathering a newborn at 60ish is not easy!
Good Luck!
2007-03-14 12:03:10 · answer #2 · answered by okiedokey 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he really loves you, maybe he wants a nanny. Just because he is the only man you've had sex with doesn't mean that he is worth marrying. If your gut feeling is that it isn't working for you, end the relationship. Tell him you need some time for yourself.
Do you love him because you lost your virginity to him? That's not enough. If you want to have children someday, you may find yourself alone in raising them. You have your PhD and you're not emotionally strong? It's only been two years and you are unsure of the situation. Err on the side of caution and consider separating. Talk to him frankly about your feelings. Communication is the basis for all interpersonal relationships.
Evaluate your situation carefully and try to see yourself in 10 or 20 years. Do you like what you see?
2007-03-14 12:13:44 · answer #3 · answered by Tellin' U Da Truth! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's only 56 and since you haven't mentioned if he is ill, I assume, he's not. People live healthy lives lot longer than they used to. In 20 years, he might need a caretaker, but for now, it sound like he just want to be with you. Don't lose the love of your life because of other's opinions. Follow your heart and do what you think is best for you. These days, age is just a number. It's about how well you connect with someone.
2007-03-14 12:11:05 · answer #4 · answered by TNP Girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love is blind in a lot of cases. I would imagine that he does love you and if you love him, well, this is just something you will have to reconcile with yourself. Do you want to be married to an 80 year old man when you are 50 years old? Or a 70 year old man when you are 40? You will be in your sexual peak at the age of 40 and he won't even be able to perform oral on you with any level of competance. You will end up having sex with other men or you will be so sexually frustrated that you will become bitter. I am sure you could love another, but.... As I said, I believe this is something you are going to have to reconcile yourself. No one can make up your mind for you. And yes, he will need a caretaker and yes, you will be IT.
2007-03-14 12:02:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you think you can make each other happy as husband and wife, then marry him. Age shouldn't be an issue if every other aspect of your relationship is working well.
As for asking if he's looking for a caretaker....there'll always come a point in every relationship where one will have to help take care of the other in many different ways.
Why throw away the love you have for this guy because of what other people are saying?!
Only you know if you have what it takes to love and nurture him, the same way he's promised to love and nurture you.
2007-03-14 12:06:05 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong w/ falling for and marrying someone that is so much older than you. My grandparents were 15 yrs apart and were married up until the day they died. I had also dated someone 15 yrs older than me and we had a great relationship. There are going to be some maturity differences and some life experience differences, but if you 2 truly love each other, then you'll find a way to make it work. Think about the fact that you'll be able to make him (and keep him) young at heart (and maybe even physically if you do physical activities together) and he'll be able to lend his life's wisdom to you throughout your relationship! Age is nothing but a number!
2007-03-14 12:00:34 · answer #7 · answered by sweet libra 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To some people age differences wouldn't matter and to others it would. It sounds like you have doubts, so until your doubts are resolved don't marry.
I believe age doesn't make a difference when it comes to love and comittment. One never knows who might need a caretaker "first", if at all. If you have a comittment you play with the cards God deals.
2007-03-14 12:16:07 · answer #8 · answered by hello_ms_moore 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First u r not stuck in any thing....Don't think that way. You say that you have studied for ur PHD....you r a smart women...you can do anything...Don't settle, get out there and explore your options, we all have them...That is a huge age difference. Just keep in mind what you want out of life and can he suppport those ideas and goals. If children are in your future, just remember that you will probably be raising them on your own, given his age. I hope that you find the answer, and I hope that I helped u a little. Good Luck and remember: girls rule......
2007-03-14 12:02:26 · answer #9 · answered by melinda b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a big age difference but I can also tell you this...he does not look at himself as needing a caretaker. He is still only 55 probably thinks of himself as being much younger.
2007-03-14 12:09:09 · answer #10 · answered by J D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋