Sorry this is a bit long. . .
I am very much in love with a man that I have been seeing for 2 years. (We are both in our mid twenties, already graduated from univ.) The problem is that he is divorced from a woman who he had been in a long term relationship with and married to for a short time. This ex is unbearable and is in contact with him still, sending him public messages about how she loves him (even though she is in another relationship now as well). I don’t feel like it is okay to have this woman keep in contact with him (they have no children), saying these things to my boyfriend. Is this acceptable or am I being jealous and overreacting?
Also, now that he has had this failed marriage at a young age, he is reluctant to marry again and would probably only do so if I ever pushed the issue. I don’t ever want to force anyone to marry me. It is really upsetting to know that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, but not marry me. I wonder if I should end this sooner despite the fact that it would really hurt and try to get over him and find someone who is more interested in marriage someday or wait longer and see if he comes around? I’m not interested in marriage right now, but will not wait forever.
2007-03-14 04:53:35 · 11 answers · asked by blondie_8191 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He will have to be the one that makes her stop. If he loved you, and wanted your relationship to go somewhere, he would do just that. Best you move on now....he's NOT serious about you!
2007-03-14 05:02:12 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your right his ex should get over it and move forward on her own, and he should tell her to knock it off. As far as marriage,let him do his mourning process and during this time, if you are happy and love him, continue on the course of your relationship. Remember he was young and once burned twice shy. He may come around and want to get married again, if you love him and can handle putting the effort into it, then by all means give him the time to see that with you it would be a good thing. Good luck.
2007-03-14 11:59:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The good news is here is you have his information up front. How he feels about marriage and his divorce etc...I think you should let him know that it's not right for her to keep in contact with him and that it's disrespectful to you that he either does or still allows it to happen. Let him know about the marriage thing and explain that you understand his previous marriage didn't work out etc and that you would never force anyone to marry you. That way he sees where you stand and knows your frame of mind and that you aren't out to "trap" him or anyone else.
It might turn out alright though. Sometimes men are clueless and you have to literally spell things out for them and see what happens. Good luck!!!
2007-03-14 12:10:19 · answer #3 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
to answer your first question: YOU ARE NOT IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM OVERREACTING. if she is in another relationship she should certainly not be leaving him messages and confessing her feelings for him still. they broke up for a reason and if he doesnt give you any sign of him doing anything wrong then i believe shes just acting crazy. it's something that should be addressed to your boyfriend though, if it hasn't already.
question 2: i know what you mean when you say that you dont want to push anyone to marry you. and you shouldnt. i think if problem number 1 is solved, he wouldnt be so reluctant on marrying again.
2007-03-14 12:04:20 · answer #4 · answered by Madisons Mommy =) 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not over-reacting at all. If I were you I would let him know right away that his ex's presence bothers me and I fully expect him to take a good care of it right away.
You don't have to leave him, but you do have to make it absolutely clear to him what you want out of the future and that you are not going to sit around and wait when he is going to offer it to you. Make it clear to him that you do like being with him, but you also want to keep your options open in case if someone who is feeling the same way about the future as you do comes along.
2007-03-14 12:15:42 · answer #5 · answered by OC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you have absolutely every right to be upset that another woman - ex-wife or whatever - is telling your boyfriend that she loves him. How does he deal with it? Is he still in touch with her or is she stalking him? If he is still willfully in touch with her, you might need to question your relationship with him.
As far as marriage is concerned, be patient for now and see where it goes. Maybe he is gun-shy due to his first marriage. In the end, you will have to make the choice. After two years with him, I would question his inability to commit. That's just me, though.
2007-03-14 12:11:35 · answer #6 · answered by Shelley L 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In a word: Run. Trust me. You will save yourself a lot of time, perhaps YEARS! The red flags are flappin' in the wind - pay attention. He needs to address the situation with the ex and resolve it. If she is truly harrassing him, he can legally do something about it. If his baggage from this is causing him to be unwilling to remarry, he will either continue to carry this baggage with him and you will "pay" for that or he can get some help to get over this and move on without bitterness toward his ex.
2007-03-14 12:18:11 · answer #7 · answered by Namaste 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is over rated and out dated. If you leave him 'cause he won't marry, it will be a mistake. If you are worried that he may still care for his ex or she may convince him to care for her again, marriage will definitely not solve the problem.
2007-03-14 12:09:08 · answer #8 · answered by smecky809042003 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may have to walk away.
It will always "eat at you" the fact he found someone else worth marrying, but not you.
2007-03-14 12:09:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are correct in your feelings, he should not be in touch with her, he may think she is wacko and he needs to protect her in some way,, I would consider a new BF,
2007-03-14 11:59:43 · answer #10 · answered by rich2481 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋