My fiancee and I have been together for over a year. I have 3 children, ages 3, 10 and 14. My fiancee's children are grown up. The problem is with discipline and rules. My fiancee is a retired military man, and is very strict on my kids. He won't let them wear shoes in the house, they can't use OUR bathroom, they have to CLEAN their plates, etc. I never enforced these rigid rules and when I try to explain that to him, he says I am making excuses for them. He yells at the kids and uses profanity. When I try to nicely request that he refrain from swearing he gets mad at me. What's hard is that he loves me dearly and says he would do anything for me. He said that this is how he raised his kids and that they turned out good because of it. He believes in good old fashioned discipline and says that kids today are disrespectful and spoiled. I agree that they are, to a point, but I also believe that they have a right to a happy childhood. My children are not happy, they fear him, What do I do?
2007-03-14 04:42:13 · 9 answers · asked by Beach Girl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
If he'll do anything for you, ask him to take a parenting class. this may help him see that not everybody does this and that there are alternatives to what he is doing now. Another thing, just because it was done to him, doesn't make it right!!!! Ask him if he liked it when his parents did it to him. Ask him what he would've liked. Ask him to put himself in your children's shoes. Ask him "Don't you want better for the children than what you got?" How would he like it if someone dictated his life now and was on him like he is on your children? I understand that he was in the Military, but the children are not!!!!! Let them make that choice when they are able to. Right now, they have no choice. They are defenseless. Tell your husband to
"Pick on someone his own size!" Children should never live in fear! This causes anxiety, stress, panic, and they live in a constant state of survival mode. Their home should be a loving one. One that provides safety, love, comfort, shelter from all the outside world that probably gives them all of what your husband is giving them. I think he really needs to talk about what is underneath this-to him.
2007-03-14 04:54:16 · answer #1 · answered by Mir3lla 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's, in spite of the indisputable fact that it is going to likely be prevalent on a 'formal' affiliation. Set out evidently and frivolously between you the standards that constitutes undesirable behaviour, and stick to it. You the two could desire to take it heavily. Spanking as genuine self-discipline could desire to be plenty harder than 'play' spanking, very formal, continuously complete in entire privateness, and commonly carried out in silence. If it rather is 'genuine' then it is not likely you would be spanked in particular, and the frequency will cut back very quickly over the years. there are dissimilar examining this who will in all probability be horrified, in spite of the indisputable fact that it may desire to form the muse of an extremely harmonious dating offering the guy doing the spanking knows of he's wearing an considerable duty to be honest and proportionate, and the recipient grants certainly contrition instead than anger for the time of and after being punished.
2016-10-02 02:43:41 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he would do anything for you, then he would quit treating them that way. And if you are partners he should respect your wishes for YOUR kids. maybe tell him to ask his kids what they thought of the way they were treated. I do NOT believe profanity should be used at kids, it is abusive and degrading. You need to take care of it. My step parents did things similar to that and I still have a hard time going to their (my parents, even the house I grew up in)house because it never goes away, and I dont want my children treated the same way. When people divorice the children need to be defended!!!
2007-03-14 12:34:25 · answer #3 · answered by Miss Coffee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Swearing at children is not beneficial to their growth. It's not a form of discipline, it's verbal abuse.
You need to talk to your fiancee and tell him that you and your children are becoming very unhappy....you both need to reach a compromise...these are children, not soldiers! If he cannot or will not change his view on discipline, it may be a good idea to re-think marrying this man. It's not going to be any easier, especially for your kids.
You need to put your children first before he crushes them.
2007-03-14 04:58:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firtst and formost...your new husband has no right to discipline your children, he is not their father. He can talk with you about issues and you can agree to enforce a rule. If he wont respect his place in the family I would move on.
2007-03-14 04:47:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i hate to say it but the kids have to come first.your kids shouldnt have to live in fear when they come home. he either needs to lighten up or maybe you should really reconsider your plans to marry.if he is that over bearing now, im sure it will not improve if you marry him. youve got to decide, whether its him or your kids. and if he cares like you say he does he will come to a compromise on discipline or maybe its time to say goodbye.
2007-03-14 04:50:42 · answer #6 · answered by dynamite136 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that your house is not boot camp, and if you can't come to a compromise, then he is not who you should marry.
You do need to discipline them, but agreement on these issues is of the utmost importance.
2007-03-14 04:52:08 · answer #7 · answered by mikey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
These are your children not his. You are the one who has the right to decide how they are disiplined not him. If he can't change leave him. Your children shouldn't fear him.
2007-03-14 04:53:07 · answer #8 · answered by sanj 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all no matter how strict you be on your kids they still gone do what they want to do in the future.them yo kids **** what he talking about!
2007-03-14 04:54:44 · answer #9 · answered by kara d 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋