My son wants to go back to the children's shelter because he feels unwanted. help!!!!?

Question

after hearing that we are going to be taking in my niece and nephew for a little while. my 16 year old foster son derek feels unwanted. he's been living with us for about 3 mo. and my husband and i want to adopt him. he's a great kid and we love him as out own. he says he's old enough to make his own decisions, and with him out of the way, we'll be able to make room for and love and keep our "real family". we know he really doesn't want to leave, but he's also stubborn. we've tried telling him that we want him to stay but he won't listen. what can i do, please help. we would adopt him right now, but finances aren't exactly the best right now and we can't afford it. i don't want to lose my son!!!!

we have enough money to take care of the kids, but not enough extra money to adopt. it costs a lot.

Answer 1

Maybe telling him taking on your niece and nephew for awhile is just like fostering two other kids. make some special time for him though so he knows that he is loved unconditionally. Make him understand that he is part of your real family and you don't want to lose him.

Since you added the last part on. Question for you, my friend is a foster to adopt home (in Indiana). When they decide to adopt a child from the foster system, it is either free or $500. Do they have something like that with you? And usually a teenager is a lot cheaper to adopt anyways.

Answer 2

I was a foster parent and the foster to adopt program is free. If you really want to adopt this child, ask your case worker. At 16, he still gets medical, dental and a stipend from the state. You need to research this. Also, you are going to have to explain to him that just like you took him in with love that he must also accept someone else. If, in the end, he doesn't agree, he is old enough and will soon be out of the foster system anyway. Sadly, it is his decision at this point. Try to influence him to stay and tell him how much he means to the family.

Answer 3

Talk to him, tell him that your neice and nephew are his family also and they only need help for a little while but him he is and will be there forever at least will welcome to stay at home forever
Tell him that where ever he is and where ever your are he will always have a home with you
let him know that your heart is where his home is
and for him not to leave because he will breack your heart
tell him how much you & your husband need him to make your house feel like a home
Tell him that he is the best thing that ever happen to you
how he made your life complete and that he may not be blood but he is more special because he is choosen
and no one is more real than him
Beg him not to broke your heart
Good luck

Answer 4

you and your husband should take him for a meal and have a proper 1 to 1 chat with him and tell him your niece and nephew wont be with your for ever just a short while and tell him him leaving or threatening to leave is really upsetting you as you think of him as your own make him feel special for 1 night he might just need a bit of extra love right now if hes feeling pushed out x

Answer 5

Tell him that you dont want him or your neice and nephew to suffer, and to at least give it a chance. Tell him that it hurts you to hear him say that because you think of him like a son. Tell him that he can do what he wants, and if he feels unwanted in 6 months time, he can go back (Trust me by then hell have bonded with them!) and just to give these kids a chance, best of luck!

Answer 6

You're letting money stand in the way? Then you don't love him as much as you pretend to. And he's not your son, he's just a foster child you took in just 3 mos ago, just like you're taking in your niece and nephew. At 16 he is old enough to make his own decisions, and he probably knows shallowness when he sees it. If you can't persuade him, let him go and move on.

Answer 7

Can you tell him: "You are my son and we are not allowing you to go. We've thought about what you've said, although it shocked and saddened us, because we respect you and want to consider your feelings. We are your parents and we feel, as adults with more years under our belt than you, that you leaving would be a bad decision. Bad for you, bad for us. This time with my sister?'s children is a time for them to get to know our real family, you, me, and dad. We know it will be challenging for you at times, but we want you to meet this challenge, to keep in touch with your feelings, and to keep talking to us." (As you know, he is only testing you to see if, now that you've got 'blood kids' in your house, you really do want to be done with him.)

Answer 8

1.if u aint got the $$$ why take in 2 more kids.

2.if you love him just show it. make sure he know your not replacing him that he has been there longer he is more special and loved. and that these 2 kids are only there temporarlly but that he is there as long as he wants . and that you hope thats for quite sometime

Answer 9

Well, to think that you can give SIXTEEN KIDS quality time and attention is ridiculous. In fact, it disgusts me. Of course, he feels unwanted! You have too many kids in your home! That's terrible. While I applaud you for wanting to help, I don't think it is a healthy situation for any of those kids. You know it, I know it, we all know it. You said your finances aren't exactly the best right now, maybe you are stretching yourself too far. It sounds like you don't have enough money, time, or attention to have that many kids in your home. So unhealthy.

Answer 10

turn the tables and tell him that he would be a great addition to the family, and that you NEED him to stay, to help with the nieces and nephews...