Can anyone help me be less direct?

Question

I have been told before many times that I am blunt and direct and I guess people don't like it. I think that it's from my mother and from my middle eastern background. If you have or had this problem too how have you changed yourself? Can you suggest anyways of improving myself?

Answer 1

OK this is going to be a long one *sigh*
There is something to be said about directness. You should in no way want to get rid of that quality as many people actually would envy you for that. Here is what I suggest:

Tone it down a bit by completing you answers (chances are you give short and direct answers) try to lengthen you answers by covering all the bases.

D- describe the situation
E-express your opinions and feelings
A- assert ask for what you want/ saying no clearly
R-reinforce
M- stay mindful
A- appear confident
N- negotiate

G- be gentle and courteous no attacks, threats or judgments
I- act interested listen
V- validate or acknowledge the others feeling desires and difficulties
E- easy humor be light hearted and smile

F- be fair to you and the other person
A- make no apologies don't be overly apologetic
S- stick to your values
T- be truthful don't lie or act helpless

I know I am now more approachable since putting this in place in my life.

Answer 2

I get that sometimes, too. Being honest is important, but so is phrasing things so people actually listen to what you're saying.

All I can suggest is to take an extra moment before you say anything, and think about how the words might sound to the person you're talking to - your first thought might be too abrupt or even aggressive - and "tone it down"... Like if you're clothes shopping with a woman friend, instead of "Those pants make your butt look huge" try "That cut's not as flattering on you as it could be". It takes a while to make a habit of this, but it's well worthwhile!

Answer 3

Before your say something to someone, think of how they could possibly react to it. Is what you're going to say positive? NOONE ever wants to hear anything negative about themselves...unless you are a sister or best friend who they truly appreiciate (and are looking for) constructive criticism - but as a stranger or someone not very close to them, stay positive only!

Funny cause I wish I was a little more direct with people - I get negative comments from people and don't respond, wishing I would've said something afterwards...so your personality trait can actually be good to a point - you're a stong person!

Answer 4

I am told all the time, that I don't beat around the bushes. I can suggest that before you say something, even if you think it is a compliment, that you try to use nice soft words.

If you are going to tell a friend that something she is doing is not right, then just tell her with care and try not to point fingers are her while you do it.

I am not asking to change who you are, but with certain people, you must measure your words. But if it is an old friend, just tell her the way it is.

Hope this helps. Good Luck!

Geraldyne

Answer 5

Listen to others. Think before you talk. Be sensitive to the feelings of others when speaking with them. Slow down. Do not be judgmental.
Those are just a few suggestions to get you started.

Answer 6

Its good to be honest but you should also consider the feelings of others and use a little tact when saying how you feel. It's all about tone of voice, and word choice. It takes practice.

Answer 7

There is no problem being direct. Just remember to be tactful.

Answer 8

FIRST OF ALL YOU ARE A PRETTY GIRL, YOUR WORDS SHOULD PROJECT THAT. TRY PAUSING FOR A SECOND AND THINKING ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO SAY. PRACTICE IT AT HOME FIRST. LET YOUR HEART SPEAK MORE THAN YOUR BRAIN.

Answer 9

I agree that honesty is a good thing, but it's all in the delivery, it's not always what you say but how you say it.

Answer 10

i will say that you need to have a new personility