Handling a very uncomfortable situation? What if it gets worse?

Question

My daughter is 15. We had kids young and I only 33, so I am about 8-15 years younger her friend's fathers.
I picked her up at a friend's house from a party. She started hugging everyone goodbye (corny). Then she hugs me. The INSTANT I let go of her one of her friends (I think 15 herself) snuck in and hugged me and hung on for about 10 seconds. In front of everybody (although no adults in the room). My arms stayed put! I didn't do anything bad.
I did tell my wife; if I didn't my daughter would tell her anyways. She laughed and said this will become more frequent. My daughter's friends think I am hot (according to her). They always want me to pick them up (with my daughter) from the movies or the mall, and hang around our house.
Another of her friends was REAL flirtatious with me at our house and I was VERY uncomfortable.
I am afaid someone is eventually going to say or think something bad. I now avoid them but I can't always. What is the best way to handle them?

Answer 1

I agree with the others, do NOT ever be alone with any of them, ever. Teenage girls can be evil, (have you ever seen that movie where the teenage girl wanted the guy, and she framed him to make it look like he raped her). One could make a pass at you, you would deny her, and then she'll tell everyone you made a pass at her! Lord help you, you little disco DILF!

Answer 2

I too have faced some of what you are seeing. First understand that the culture of teen girls is to hug and be 'touchy/feely'. This being said there is always a limit of how far things should go between adults and teens.

Here's my rules:
1. Keep your hands to yourself and never initiate a 'hug'.
2. If you are 'hugged' you should 'hug back' but keep your arms/hands at their shoulder level.
3. Always be prepared to assert the 'parental' tone and remind them you are the adult and the parent.
4. Keep your wife informed and the lines of communication open. Ask her to let you know if she feels that something wasn't appropriate.
5. If your daughter has a friend that is coming on too strong for your taste and your resistance to it has not deterred it... tell your daughter how you feel. Be gentle but firm and let her know that she should be aware of what you are feeling and that the next time an incident occurs she will have to either discuss it with her friend... or you will have to be stricter with it comes to that particular friend.
6. NEVER be tempted to 'push the acceptable'. The good rule of thumb is NEVER do anything that you wouldn't do in front of your wife.

I'm sure #6 is already a given but it needs to be stated so you can always keep this in the back of your mind.

Good luck and hang in there. Most kids have parents they don't want to have their friends around and you should be proud that you are the exception to that rule.

Good luck and I hope this helps!

Answer 3

wow, that is a hard one. I too am a sinlge mom and my boys's friends all say things that indicate their sexual interest in me. I have to keep in mind I have 3 boys and that all their hormones are all racing. However, if your daughters friends are showing "interest" in you, you may need to step back...some girls and boys do things just for affection not meaning to ever come on as wanting anything more than a grownup hug or a daddy figure in your case. Just ignore the little "un-usual" come ons and advise your wife of your comfort zone level concerns and let her either pick up your daughter but always be present while your daughters friends are around. Also, advise your daughter that when she calls to be picked up STOP requesting that you be the one to pick her and her friends up. ITs that simple stop making yourself available to be the parent to pick her and her friends up and certainly do not volunteer. You have to set bounderies and just making light of the situation isnt a good choice. You dont have to be hateful but be assertive. Let your daugther know that you are not interested in being put in a situtaion that would or could cause some hurtful strife. Im sure she will understand.

Answer 4

Be mature, you are a man, loving husband and father. Let these girls do there flirting, but take it as that, ignore it.

These are young adolescent girls, that is the way they learn. They flirt with older men, usually close family members and friends to see what "turns them on" persay... they are trying to find out about themselves and how what they do turns the attention of the opposite sex. It is normal for them to do this.

On your part, if it feels too uncomfortable, do not put yourself in this position without another adult present. Better to be safe then sorry now adays especially. Now, if it becomes more then just flirting, say touching or kisses etc from them, you need to speak to their perspective parents or have your wife speak to them, always be honest with your wife and tell her what is going on. That way there is open communication between the two of you and their are no surprises. Take it easy, and just be "Careful", with what you say/do around these girls

Answer 5

Was the girl flirtatious in front of your family? I doubt it. I am sure that your daughter is totally creeped out at the idea of her friends coming on to her dad. Perhaps you can talk to her about it...or not...teen girls being fairly particular about subjects they will discuss!

Best just tell the girls upfront that their behaviour is not appropriate and could be dangerous in other circumstances. Ignoring their behaviour is tantamount to condoning it.

You're a guy and despite your horror over this, there is a possibility that you are responding unconsciously, by smiling back or trying to ease the situation with teasing. Great that your kid's friends want to be at your house. That is the safest place. Teen girls will always be teen girls. Your place is to be sure you are never alone with any of them and that Mum is present whenever possible.

Answer 6

Try to avoid them but if you can't then be firm and say that you are not comfortable flirting with someone who is underage. If you give the impression that you think they are silly little girls (which they are) then maybe they will get the hint. On the other hand are you sure you aren't flattered by the attention and are subconsciously encouraging it. Have a long think about your actions as well as theirs, you are the adult therefore it is your responsibility to nip this in the bud. This is not healthy and they are children playing at being adults and testing out their budding sexuality on you when they should be concentrating on kids their own age.

Answer 7

I'll be more honest with you than your widest imaginations; you feel guilty inside because you feel a slight interest, otherwise you'd just laugh and ignore this stuff, and would never make a thread about it since the problem isn't that serious, but you need someone to confront you, and you need to confront yourself that you sometimes feel interest. Men tend to feel they're "wanted" right? Listen, after all they're kids. Stop thinking about it completely this is the first step, and just don't care to this stuff, it is normal for young girls, but we "adults" shouldn't give much care to this. I'm sure we understand each other.

Answer 8

My dad had kinda the same problem, when he was 34 and I was 15, all my friends thought he was hot.
Tell your daughter you don't like her friends hugging all up on you and she should back you up. Her friends seem very disrespectful if they don't listen to you when you say stop.
But if you have not told them to chill out then there is one problem. They're still just kids, they'll listen.
If your daughter knows the surface details about what' s going on, she might not invite that particular friend over. If that doesn't work, you basically need to stand up for yourself and stop letting it happen, it's not cool. Personally, it bothered me when it happened to my dad.

Good Luck.

Answer 9

try being the "dorky dad" - when you know the girls are gong to be around, dress like a geek, talk about boring dad stuff (like "are you done with your homework? did you take out the garbage? you kids today don't know how good you have it, when i was your age..." etc...). or, simply be less available when they are at your house or need a ride to and from the various teen girl hangouts - have your wife do the next 4 or 5 pick ups, they will ask less often. remind the flirty girl that you are old enough to be her father, and if the subtle approach doesn't work, call her out on her behavior in front of all the other girls... "wow, that was totally inappropriate to say to someone's dad!" or gently, but firmly, push them away when they try to hug on you.

Answer 10

Just tell your daughters friends that you don't hug (u only hug your daughter). Give them dap! My boyfriend is a third grade teacher and he tells his students at the beginning of the school year that he does not give hugs, he shakes their hands. I don't think that you have to avoid them unless you specifically see one of them flirting with you or tying to get you to touch them . This is a very sticky situation. Good Luck!