what the heck is going on with my best friend?

Question

i'm seriously getting frustrated with her. i've known her for forever, since she was 2 and i was 4. i'm now 25. she went to college down at virginia tech, we're both from the dc area. she's been dating this girl for about 4 years now, i've even been asked to be the maid of honor in their wedding. well, she has really been slacking in the friend department lately. first she hardly comes to visit anymore, and if she does, she either stays in maryland so she can go out partying, or she shows up at 11pm, knowing i have work at 9 the next morning, so i usually have to go to bed at 1-2am the latest. then she gets me this cheap xmas present when i spend 100 on her AND her girlfriend, and she doesnt even get my bf anything (we've been dating 4 years, so he's not just some new guy). but i know for a fact that her girlfriend is a manager at a sub shop and she has a full time job, and their own house, so its not like they are broke.

then she calls me right before i go to vegas for new years, i told her i'd call her when i got back. i talk to her, she tells me that her and her gf are sleeping with another couple. whatever, not my thing, not my business. then i've tried to contact her on like 4 seperate ocasions. and no response. then she doesnt ever call for my birthday, first time EVER, which was a month ago. i've even texted her and left im's when she's on-line, but she never responds. i was thinking she was embarrased about missing my birthday so i never even brought that up, i asked if they got a lot of snow when we had a storm up here, i asked about her new job, nothing!!!

i dont know what to do. even her mom says she's been a real ***** lately and to not even bother with her anymore. i mean wtf!?!

first off, its a lesbian wedding thats probably not going to happen because she asked me to be the maid of honor 2 years ago and she hasnt said anything about it well over a year. and i'm not being materialistic, i'm just giving an example of how cruddy she's been lately. as for "meeting me on my schedule" as someone put it, she calls me to tell me she's coming up, says something like she'll be in around 2pm, i've even taken off work to meet her and she doesnt show up until really late at night. sometimes she just doesnt show up at all, or i get a call all of a sudden that she decided to go clubbing in MD with her friends up there and is staying there instead of with me like she said she was going to. the last time she came up, i took off 2 days of work so we could go out. we had the whole time planned, going shopping, going out to lunch, dinner, i get a call at 8am saying she's leaving soon. then i get a call at 2 saying she hasnt left yet. then i get a call at 7 saying

she's having dinner with her mom (who is completely opposed to her being a lesbian and refuses to have her girlfriend in her house) and then she finally shows up at 11pm. the next day she tells me she's going out to lunch with some friend from tech (where she lived and just came from) and that she would call me. she never called me and went back. i didnt even get to see her once! and i took off work for her!

her girlfriend and i are really close. she's even told me that she thinks of me as HER best friend now. i love her to death, and they both know i have no problem with their sexuality (infact, i have no straight girl friends, we've come to this realization once or twice).

and its not like they are poor like everyone keeps saying. the house they own is cheap, and they have 2 other girls living there paying them rent. they pay 350 a month. a month! thats cheaper than any rent you can find up here.

i just dont know if i should even try. when i TRY to talk to her she just doesnt answer, so its not like i can even say anything to her! she was so excited about starting this new job, i figured she would have atleast told me how it was going when i asked and she didnt even do that. if she's having problems she's not talking to me. and i dont want to feel like i'm bugging her by trying to contact her over and over. i mean, she knows i've tried. theres no way she couldntnt have :(

Answer 1

never talk to her she sounds like a mean and greedy person (just like a jew) well if u are a jew forget that i said that but i think she dosent sound like you friend anymore

Answer 2

It happens sometimes. After highschool you sort of move in different directions. different circle of friends. I had a best friend that I lost touch with( I always say - we broke up) because it was like a break up. We were friends since we were 7 then after high school we moved in different directions. we had a fight and she basically told me she didn't want to be friends anymore.
Tell her how you feel but don't come between her and her girlfriend - if you don't want to lose your friendship. Obviously she still cares or she wouldn't have you as her maid of honor. She's getting married so your friendship will change and you will have to accept that she has someone else in her life too. You may have to take the backseat to her girlfriend if you want to keep the friendship.

word of advice - don't mention the xmas presents. If they work and own a house - that can be very expensive and they certainly won't have the $ to buy expensive presents. Being a manager at a sub shop does not pay much at all. And you don't need to be buying gifts for each others boyfriends/girlfriends. That's not necessary. If you feel you must - then just buy one gift for both of them.

"When you feel you're in the right and find it hard to bend...It's better to lose an argument than it is to lose a friend"

Answer 3

houses can make you broke!!! Growing up and getting out in the world is a lot to take in, and during that process most people lose touch with there old friends. I did after high school. And I know up until last Christmas I couldn't buy anything good for my family, much less friends so you shouldn't even be looking at the price of things given. It is the thought that counts. I do understand how all this could hurt you though. My friend just had a baby and I thought I would see her more now b/c I have one too, but she hangs out with her mom all the time, and I call and try to get her to hang, but it never works. We can't take things like that personal. And we shouldn't give up friendships because of it either. There will be times when its your fault a friend floats away. We need to love and remember them, and do what we can to fit them in our schedule, and everything else is on them. She's your friend. Hope things get better for you and her.

Answer 4

Well first, you should stop being so materialistic. Depending on how much they're spending on this wedding, maybe she doesn't have the extra money. At least she got you something and she thinks enough of you to ask you to be in her wedding. She's probably so wrapped up in what's going on in her life that she's been focused on that. It doesn't mean that she's forgotten about you. I'm sure this girl loves you like you're family! Give the girl a break, she's happy, and you should be happy for her. Then again, it wouldn't hurt her to give you a call once in awhile to let you know that she's thinking of you.

Answer 5

Wow, if a best friendship means that people have to spend money on you, give you gifts, and meet you on your schedule, maybe it's a sign that even though she's younger than you are, she's growing up and you aren't.

Seriously, she's getting married and asked you to be the maid of honor because deep down, she treasures you. Are you going to spite her on the happiest day of her life because she didn't buy you the right Christmas present? People who are getting married have a lot of other things to think about and generally are trying to save money.

Get over yourself and learn to appreciate that she's your friend at all.

Answer 6

she's still 23 and she's paying off a house..... SHE'S BROKE...
I'm 23 my friends and I have never given each others partners....

I think the problem is you got too old too quickly lighten up and an relax since when has friendship been about Oh I spent this much on you you should of spent more on me
and **** she comes at 11 and you work at 9 big freaking deal, you can call sick every now and then **** if my friends wanna come at 3am that's cool with me(and the do), relax enjoy life before your lying in your death bed regretting not having any fun

Answer 7

Friendship is not about who gets who the better gift or who bought who's significant other something. As for the showing up at 11 stuff, you need to talk to her about it and let her know how it makes you feel. She may not come to visit often do to her having a life outside of her friendship with you. Talk to her about it if you are as good friends as you say you are you should be able to be honest and up front with her. Let her know that you are concerned about her and for her. Being her friend means being there for whatever she is going through.

Answer 8

That kinda sucks mickey g , just don't bother with her anymore at least you've got a nice boyfriend right? She is being selfish and inconsiderate, she's probably so wrapped up with her girlfriend or getting high she doesn't care about anything. It does make it hard when you've grown up together. But hey it's her loss you sound like a pretty cool chic and you'd be a good friend to have i reckon, if your like keep ringin her and care about how she's goin and all that, and she cant even message back. her mother's right she is being a little b****

Answer 9

It sounds like your best friend has a lot going on in her life. Just give her a little space and let her figure things out. In the mean time, maybe find another cool person to hang out with.
Also, you could ask her about it. Be honest with her about all that bothers you. It doesn't sound intentional.

Answer 10

People come in and out of our lives, but our true friends are there through thick and thin. I know this hurts and it really sucks to have someone that you consider to be your best friend, treat you like crap, but it sounds to me like the season for this friendship has come to an end. Friends like this aren't needed. I would stop all communication with her. She'll get the message. Best wishes to you.

Answer 11

This is tough. I have to say that I have only one friend that i have been friends with since kindergarden, and well she and i talk about every 6 months. I dont' like her best friend, mostly because she is only friends with my friend because she has a beach house in florida, and it gives her the option to stay there for free. I can't stand that girl. but my friend and I dont' talk about that girl.
Your friend sounds like she is in some trouble. I have only been friends with one girl that dated girls, and well she always became distant and closed off when she was dating. She and her girlfriends always ended up in big fights or she just stopped showing up for work because of personal issues. Maybe your friend's girlfriend feels threatened by your relationship with your best friend, and has asked her to keep some distance with you. Also, she may be drawing away from you because she doesn't think you are truly comfortible with her situation. I have a friend that we were best friends, until she started making a lot of decisions that i just couldn't agree with. I never told her that, but she and her family(husband and three children under the age of 6) came to visit me, it was a nitemare. She was yelling and threatening her kids the entire time, and then when the kids went to bed one night we had a campfire in the back yard, she finally started to mellow and we were giving her **** about how much she had drank, and she said she had only had two drinks, everyone knew she had drank at least 4, and when we corrected her, she just stormed off mad. The next day she was up and packed and gone before breakfast, said that she forgot she had to go into work that day. LIE!!! She is very uncivil to her husband, and is always trying to be better than every one else. After they left, about three days later i noticed an expensive piece of jewlry missing from my room, i called and asked if they could look to see if maybe one of the kids had picked it up, or if it might have accidently been put in with their stuff, she said she would look for it after a nap. I was really upset about the ring that was missing and she just acted like, no big deal. then i called afew days later, because she never called back and she said she hadn't looked. Then i spoke to her husband a few days after that and he said that he had taken their vehicle and cleaned it and not found anything, she had made him look for it. I told him thanks for looking. I waited about two months before calling her again, and when i did, this friend that she is always talking crap about was over and she wanted to talk to her, and said she would call me back, she never did. so this year, i sent a christmas card and said that i could not afford to buy christmas for her family this year. I appologized and explained that money was tight(I end up spending almost $300 on their family usually, and might get a $20 basket of stuff, not complaining, but it is disappointing that that is all i mean to them), She never wrote back and hasn't called me. I guess this friend ship is over. And i hate to say it but it sounds like yours is too. Your friend will need you again someday. Just make sure that she knows you will still be there. I have recently sent my friend a letter, short and sweet that I will always be here if she needs me. Really, I just feel like i wasnt' good enough for her anymore, after not buying her family gifts for Christmas. But i feel obligated to buy for 5 people, and they only buy for me, not my boyfriend of two years. Plus, some of the things she has told me about her husband, well now they don't seem so believible. I think a lot of what she said was a cry for attention. I am not saying your friend is the same, but maybe her showing up late, is because she needs you, and doesn't know how to tell you. I think you are handling things fine. Just keep making attempts, space them out, so you dont' seem upset, even though inside you are hurting.