I am in the divorce process right now. I know that the marriage i had is over and done with and it has been for a long time. I started seeing someone new a few months ago. It has only been a year since her divorce. she was with him for 13 years. she did not date anyone since them except me. She also just started a very strenuous job that requires all kinds of testing and training. She told me a couple weeks ago that we should take a step back. So i have done that and it has been the hardest few weeks of my life. We used to talk everyday. now its every other day. I wait by the phone for her call and some days it just isn't there. I know she is busy and I am not calling her every 2 minutes like i wish i could. anyone out there been in this situation? how did it turn out? any advice would be very much appreciated...
2007-03-14 03:01:18 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My husband, before we married, wanted to take a step back and it was so hard for me because I was so in love with him, but I let him do the calling and I started dating other guys. When he noticed the other guys, he started getting jealious and realized how much he loved me. That might not work for you but it did for me and our 4th year anniversary is 2 months away! But I do recommend not calling as often and make sure she sees the step back. Hope everything works out.
2007-03-14 03:08:42 · answer #1 · answered by Stephanie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i am divorce, two+yrs now, a guy that i knew prior to my divorce wasted no time coming after me when my divorce finalized, and it was great getting all that attention i had been lacking for so long, but i too started a new job, and was putting in a lot of hrs, I was rarely available for his calls, and often had to go back into work, it got to be too much. I had to concentrate on what paid the bills, and when i told him that i needed him to back off, well he just got angry and now we don't even talk. at all. It really hurt. But he wanted serious and I didn't have time. Not to say she doesn't want serious, but timing is everything, just back off like you are, and give her little hints that you are still there for her and that you miss her. NO OVERKILL. If you strike too heavy, she will jet. But if you back off completely someone else may make a move. Just let her know you care, and that when she has time, you hope that she will spend it with you.
Good luck, i think you are handling everything fine.
2007-03-14 10:14:08 · answer #2 · answered by casady96 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude, you've got to take a step back too! You're hurting right now and you need some time to clear your head. Time really does heal your wounds!
This new girl is telling you "forget it". I know that sounds harsh and its painful, but you will do yourself a world of good if you do indeed step back. She's saying, "I'm not that interested" and that only means it ain't going to work out.
Now, keep this in mind. There are thousands of hotties out there and you will find that soul mate you desire. Just right now, cool your jets b/c your in the hurting stages still!
Do some things you enjoy, like travel or getting involved in some groups. You could buy youself a motorcycle or something.
You also might try and find Jesus while you have the time.
2007-03-14 10:06:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is not healthy to dive right into another relationship soon after a divorce... worse during the process.
most people need 1-2 years to "recover" from a divorce.
you and your girlfriend need TIME to gather your thoughts and digest all you've been through before getting so involved.
life is confusing during and for some time after a divorce... so we don't really know what we want, and we really have to take care of ourselves, our own "issues" first. if we don't, we aren't any good for another person, except to be clingy and needy.
sitting by the phone and waiting and longing for this woman to call you isn't very healthy... in fact, it's a sign of the dreaded codependency... do you really want to have to depend on someone else to feel happy? if you have these expectations, you are setting yourself up for a big let down! fact is, YOU are the only person who can find your own happiness...
perhaps this woman you've been seeing has decided it's all too soon and way too much for her right now... she probably likes you and doesn't want to hurt your feelings.
instead of waiting for her, perhaps consider spending time with friends and family -- do things you enjoy -- read, work on a project. do you have a hobby? enjoy YOURSELF and get to know YOU right now.
take care.
2007-03-14 10:13:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remember to be patient. If you respect her wishes now, it will prove a lot about yourself to her. Perhaps you should pick up a hobby or join the gym. Do something to keep yourself busy and active while she is busy. This will take your mind off of her a bit. I took up gardening, kept me busy on the days that he was unavailable and I had a beautiful landscape to show for it in the end. Didn't turn out to well though, he passed away at age 39. Guess if it hadn't been for that things would still be good.
2007-03-14 10:09:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like maybe you came on too strong. You are getting divorced and are needy and maybe she sensed that.
Enjoy your new found singleness and relax. If this one isn't meant to be then another one will be the one.
I know the feeling of desperation from not wanting to be alone, it's scary, espceially after a long marriage.
But you can't force things and ultimately, she may really be busy with work.
Maybe she's seeing someone else.
You focus on yourself, hit the gym, take classes like guitar, whtever interests you so you can meet more people and focus on yourself and your new life.
2007-03-14 10:40:44 · answer #6 · answered by Amy B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This happens to be a test of will. Even though you feel the need to call her you have to think before you react. Do not pick up the phone. She needs to set the pace. She is in a new job and needs to prove herself so she is hoping that you can understand and give her a bit of time. Relax you have your entire life together.
2007-03-14 10:05:21 · answer #7 · answered by Mike 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
find another chick.The job bullshit is just a copout.She's got other interests,she's just not grown enough to admit.Don't let yourself suffer it's not worth it.You don't step back in a relationship,and then suddenly step forward.She should be honest enough to admit that instead of telling you she wants to step back,it would actually be better to step out.Don't let her know that your hurting,she doesn't deserve the satisfaction.If anything find another woman,and tell this other baggage filled leach how much happier you are.
2007-03-14 10:23:24 · answer #8 · answered by dikhead 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not pursue her. She wanted some space to decide whether or not to continue your relationship and that is what you should give her. If you continue to push her you will force her away completely. When someone tells you to back off they mean just that. If you become obsessive, that will tell her you don't respect her.
2007-03-14 10:08:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you know any of her friends? Maybe you can trick her into meeting somewhere romantic. Tell her how much you miss her. Tell her how you feel when she not around or doesn't call. Tell her ever thing you need to get off your chest. Most importantly, tell her that you love her.
2007-03-14 10:08:57 · answer #10 · answered by shnswaby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋