After three kids and nine years together, how do you tell someone you love that your not in love with them any

Question

I've been together with my now wife of five years, we have three kids, 2yr, 7 and 8yr, and we've been together for nine, but I still love her, but not physically, i make love to her to keep her satisfyied, but i've grown into someone else! i would do nothing to hurt her, but not telling her will eventually right? How do you break it off to where we could take care of the kids separately without any drama, or more or less before I stray! HELP

Answer 1

Love is more than a "feeling", it is an action word. Pheromones die down after so long so how you "feel" about anyone that you are with for a long period of time will naturally change. Marriage is work. If you truly "love" your wife than you will figure out a way to make it work for you and for your kids. If you are expecting fireworks to last a lifetime you are lying to yourself. This is reality, pal. Marriage isn't for sissies!!

Answer 2

You must keep in mind that no matter what you do here, there will be drama and difficulty in your dealings with each other. Anytime that a spouse gets hurt emotionally that it something that cannot be avoided. First make sure that you truly believe that things cannot continue in your marriage and that counseling would have no benefit. Is it a matter of physical attraction that is lost? Did she gain too much weight? Is it that you don't have enough quality time together? Did you just lose the ability to communicate?Things that can be rectified should be given a chance to change. If it is a complete lack of feelings for her then understand that you probably didn't really love her to begin with. Many people have a relationship based entirely on sex and confuse that with being in love. The physical attraction wears off and their is no desire left. If this is the case then - yes your marriage must come to an end. The main thing is to make sure that you aren't confused about your decision so that you don't continue a revolving door marriage where you are on again off again. If you are ending things, start by doing things in the least confrontational way possible. Do not do this by leaving a note and then contacting her by phone. She deserves to be treated better than that. Pick a day where your wife is gone from home and remove most if not all of your personal belongings. This will eliminate the need to do it in front of her and the kids. When you get your things removed, wait for her. When she gets home tell her you need to sit down and talk. Tell her that you don't know why, but you just don't have the love in your heart for her that you should and you can't stay married to her. Keep the discussion to a minimum as it will be emotional enough for her as it is. Accusations will come up about infidelity regardless of what you say so just tell her you have already removed your things and you will call her and let her know about filing the paperwork and check on the kids. Try not to argue and remain calm and civil. Good Luck.

Answer 3

To start with be a man and set her down over dinner w/o kids and talk to her. Discuss counseling before you do anything. Your still on high ground for not straying yet.It's sounds as though life has gotten in the way. The same o same, wife may not be as trim as she once was? etc. I'm I close? If so the next thing you have to ask yourself is what are you doing to help her? Buy her membership to a gym and watch the kids 3 nights a week, while she works out, you may get some surprises for doing both.
Everyone marriage become stale at some point the way to prevent that is to keep the fire going between you.
When was the last time you did the following, sent her out to a day spa, while she was gone you got the kids to a sitter, then took her to dinner and whatever after wards? I figured it's been that long. So unless your trying to help her outta the rut, you helping keep her in the rut

But what do I know?

Answer 4

I am divorced - I don't have any regrets. BUT - I want you to be aware that since you do have children together, she will always be a part of your life and therefore DRAMA exists! You will find that dating will have a very different impact on your life since you are divorced with children. It isn't easy... When you date those who do not have children they seem to not understand you. When you date those with children you have to understand that their EX's will always be in the picture also... Once again, it isn't easy... Life is about "living" it isn't about sex... (although that does have it's perks) - Figure out what "living" day to day - without her is going to be like... take the fairy tale and the reality of what you have now, and do some serious soul searching! You are getting ready to make a life decision that will impact all of you forever!

On the other side, NO - do not waste her time if you really want out! Do her and yourself the favor and be HONEST! Just make sure it's for all the right reasons before you have the "talk"... you cannot take back the knife you are getting ready to put into her back...

Answer 5

nine years is a long time...

you love your wife but not physically? does that mean you are just not physically attracted to her anymore? did she gain weight or something of that nature? if she changed what you no longer find attractive would you stay? have you been seeing someone else on the side and are doing this thinking that you will have a better life with the new person? I NEED MORE INFO...

try to get some professional help before you make this life changing decision...

if you have already decided then tell her...it's not fair to her. she's thinking everything is fine and dandy and you're almost to the point of "straying". that's not right. let her get on with her life too.

one mans trash is another mans treasure

Answer 6

Sometimes the grass isnt' always greener on the other side. How long have you known this person? Because you know, people change once they "have" you. Once they are comfortable and the courting is over with. These are delicate years for your kids, there WILL be drama if you leave your wife. Try spending more time with her, or the kids and let her focus on herself for a period. Get her upgraded, new look new clothes, new hair style. Get her to have something going on in her life other thank you and the kids. Once you see or if you see a change in her...maybe you will like it..or maybe not..but you should talk to her about your relationship...trust me she knows or hints something isnt right already. Just confirm it and move from there.

Answer 7

You don't love her cos you've wana stick it to someone else. You're a jerk.
After 9 years, you stray like a dog.
That is what this society has come to, a man who gets bored so he runs off with another, I hope your new girl dumps you the SAME WAY for another man, hotte,r younger, better in bed and with a bigger one but not after 9 years, after 20, so you're old and worn out, she comes come one day and tell you she loves you, but sex is an obligation since she's been getting it from a much better man for a whiilleeee.
Sorry if it hurts, she will say, she didn't mean to pull her panties down and take it from behind...

Answer 8

There is no way you're not going to cause hurt and pain. Not only to your wife, but also to your children. You are planning on breaking up their home and believe me, they will never forget the hurt.
So you don't think you're in love with her - big deal. Grow up, take your responsibilities like a man. You've made the mistake, why do others have to pay for it?
Go to counselling - all is not lost between you and your wife and you can get the romance going again.

Answer 9

Try marriage counseling first. Don't waist 9 years because you are confused or bored. Talk to her and let her know how desperate the situation is and tell her that you want to try to get back to the beggining feeling.
Once you have done everything to repair the relationship...if your heart still isn't in it then you can walk away without regret and she will know that you didn't leave on a whim...you faught and lost. Don't give up!

Answer 10

You need to grow up. All through your life there is going to be someone that will turn your head, it is up to you to follow your hormones (for short term satisfaction) or remain true to someone you love. As for the physical side, it comes and goes, especially with three young kids that eat up your time and energy every single day. Why don't you try being more attentive and go away for an overnight or two.