Am I right?

Question

Well everyone.. Im 34, living at home with my mom, no job, but I do have a car ;)

Well I met this girl off of an online dating site.. let's just say we hit it off. My mom approves of her and gives me the OK to date her if I want.

Well after a few messages, I fell in love with her instantly. I never met her though yet, as she lives 12 hours away. She wants to be "engaged" someday... well I can't afford a ring right now but I DID put a huge tattoo of her name across my back. Do you think she will use the tattoo on my back as an engagement, instead of a ring?

After a few simple messages.. I instantly knew. My mom LOVED her messages and I think she'll be a great girlfriend. Even though we haven't met.. I KNOW she is the one

Answer 1

While I do not find falling in love with someone over the internet strange, the depth of your feeling and the way you are expressing it, the tatoo, rings real alarm bells. Firstly, your need for your mothers approval at the age of 34 to validate your romantic relationship is not a healthy indicator. Neither is the still living at home and having no job. All of these are signs of a lack of independence and confidence in your own identity of yourself. In western cultural norms, a person generally achieves a degree of financial independence and accomadation privacy as a part of their 'rite of passage' into adulthood before going into a serious relationship in which they share their resources and privacy with another. This time in which you get to know yourself is very important in giving you the psychological stability and strength of your awareness of self to be able to have a healthy relationship and estalish the concept of 'us' later.

I think that it is entirely possible that you are not necessarily in love with this person as in love with the idea of being in love and having a relationship. It is the fantasy of what you anticipate a relationship to be like rather than the relationship that creates these strong feelings. The relationship itself will very likely be nothing like the image you hold so dear now.That in itself is not a bad thing as long as you can tell the difference and be willing to accomadate and enjoy the differences between the fantasy and the reality.

I think you should let the excitement you feel challenge you to establish your own independence and learn your abilities and limitations before you rush in to anything. I strongly recommend counseling to explore these issues and help you clarify your image of yourself, the relationship and the realtionship itself.

As far as the tatoo substituting for a ring? No, hell no, not now, not ever. I do not think any woman who had never met face to face and verified the relationship finding this anything but creepy and finding the nearest fire exit or window. If she does like it then I suspect she has many more emotional issues than yourself and any relationship is a disaster waiting to happen.

Answer 2

Wow this is kind of fast dont ya think? You have not even met her yet. I feel that what you did was kinda extreme. Why dont you set a time and day to meet her halfways somewhere and at least meet her in person for the first time to see how it goes in real life instead of just the internet. If this does not work out or last for you guys what are you going to do about the tatoo if i may ask... Are you going to try to have it removed or are you gonna keep it? Being a girlfriend is one thing here BUT engagement and marriage should come over time once you get to know her better and this should not be rushed into like this. Why are you still living with your mom if i may ask and also why do you need her permission to talk to and see this girl? Arent you an adult and cant you make your own descisions in life? Are you working and employed or are you without a job?

Answer 3

No, it will not be an acceptance of engagment. That is just crazy. I think you are joking around, but if you aren't I'm wondering a few things:

1) 34 and still living with mom and no job?
2) Mom had to give you the okay to date this girl?
3) How did you affored a car?
4) Does the girl know you live with mom, and have no job?
5) Will she think you are a freak for putting her name on your back and you haven't even met her?

You know, things that make you go, "hmmmmmm".

Answer 4

I expect your mother would love the messages sent to you by Godzilla if she thought they would help to shift a 34 year old lay-about like you from her home. With more than half of all marriages ending in divorce it seems rash to the point of stupidity to tattoo the name of some woman whom you do not know and only wants to be engaged "someday" (she did not even say it would be to you) all over your back.
Being an organ donor is a great thing but I think you should go to the transplant center and try to get your brain back.

Answer 5

At 34 yrs. old why do you need your mom's permission to do anything? I know it's her house, but you shouldn't need her OK to date whomever you choose. You need to grow up and be a man. Move out of mommy's house and get a job man! And putting a tattoo of a girls name on you and you haven't even met her yet! That is very immature. You cannot possibly "know" she is the one just from a few internet conversations. This girl said she wanted to be engaged SOMEDAY, she probably didn't mean right now after only a few conversations. Sounds like you have a lot of issues buddy my suggestion is to get yourself into counseling and QUICK.

Answer 6

I think that you have acted too impulsively, that tatoo will stay with you for the rest of your life. An engagement ring is meant to be a personal gift. I can see why you would want to meet someone and settle down. I would not want to live with my mom when im 34, and i certainly wouldnt be looking for my moms approval of a relationship. I dont mean to hurt your feelings, you just sound so nieve for your age. If this relationship does not work out and you go on to meet someone else they will have a constant reminder of your ex. Good luck for the future

Answer 7

Idk. You're looking too much into it, however you should live your life helping others selflessly, furthermore god is everywhere and is what connects us as humans therefore in my opinion religion is irrelevant but god is what matters, gays on the other hand are humans and equals, instead of researching bible quotes why don't you spend your time realising that god doesn't want you to sit there and read a book he wants you to get up and help others in a worse situation than your own, furthermore you're wrong. God doesn't want us to use free will to take revenge, that's Karmas job, and by taking revenge you're self inflicting it back to yourself. Focus on helping others selflessly and you don't need to worry about gays, honestly it's not even a big deal being gay straight ect, it's all human so...

Answer 8

Are you retarded? If you could afford a huge tattoo you could have bought an inexpensive ring. Second who cares what Mommy thinks unless this is going to be a 3some. Third grow up and get a job, apartment and a life. Finally are you retarded?

Answer 9

Grow up!! Get a job and move out of mommy's house no decent girl would want someone who can not pull his own weight in a relationship. A tatoo of her name? you could have used that money as a down payment on a ring did mommy pay for that too? Like I said Grow up!

Answer 10

Ummm... you are in love with her after a few messages? Okay, so tell me Fido, how does she treat others when she's out shopping and stuff? How does she behave around her relatives and what do they say about her? Is she always smiling? Is her place clean and tidy and her hair always combed?

You don't know this woman!!! You sound like a crazy person.