My husband wants me to have an abortion - help.?

Question

We have 2 children (6 and 3) and I have had 3 miscarriages over the years. i have just found out I am 7 weeks pregnant again but my husband has said he doesn't want anymore children. I would love another child but don't want to lose my husband. He has said he wants me to have an abortion but I don't think I am strong enough to cope with this as I feel like this baby is already part of me. Any help with dealing with husband or suggestions on what to do gratefully received.

Thanks for all the advice. I think I needed to hear these comments as I have no one to talk to. I need to keep this baby - I think it would destroy me and therefore affect my two boys to go through an abortion. I will try to make hubby understand.

Answer 1

How sad that your husband wants you to abort your child. Something hit me as I was reading your comments- maybe, just maybe your husband is still grieving over your 3 miscarriages. This may sound strange- but he may think that he cannot deal with one more- and an abortion would keep him distant from this pregnancy. Of course the life of the baby would be taken, but sometimes people perceive this loss differently I would not recommend an abortion - of course it does take the life of your child- but there are so many risks to you- does your husband know that? You can bleed excessively, infections that do not clear up easily- torn or perforated uterus- and if you would get pregnant later there are chances of miscarriages- which you have already suffered through. How did your husband respond to your miscarriages? If you would like to talk more- please email me-I counsel at a pregnancy help clinic-

Answer 2

How sad that you have to write this. You and your husband really have to talk about this - I'm sure you'll find that if he realises just how strongly you feel, he won't want to jeopardise his family over this. You could try pointing out that although this was an accident, it's nobody's fault, least of all the baby, and that you need to face up to what's happened, deal with it and then make sure it doesn't happen again by either him having a vasectomy, or you having a tubectomy. Anyway, if he truly loves you and your family together, he will realise what a wedge this would drive between you if he forced you to abort this child. Tell him you love him, and this baby is a part of him and you just can't bear the thought of losing it. It's easy to put blame on him, and I see some of the others have made some nasty comments, but this will have been a shock to him - he's just getting you back after several years of babies, and you're getting that whole hormonal rush that of course he can't have. He'll love this child too, I'm sure - he just hasn't got his head round the fact that it's not just a pregnancy, it's his baby. Good luck, I hope it all works out for you.

Answer 3

Your husband does not understand the emotional part of having an abortion. I am not asking you I am telling you do not have an abortion. You tell your husband if he doesn't want anymore kids then go get himself fixed. this is it for you. you are not aborting this baby. If you loose it then it wasn't ment to be. But you will not kill it yourself. And you have been threw enough. now it is his turn. Tell him he has 30 days to make an appt to get a vesectomy. Due to the fact that you can still get pregnant right after it is done and it takes time. You are not asking you are telling. I know a lot of men that have had it done. It is one day recovery. and doesn't effect there ability to have sex. my ex had it done and could still have sex 3 times a day every day. no change in sex life. 3 children will not kill him any molre then 2. They are just at a hard age it will get better.

Answer 4

This has to be hard on you, and I am sorry about that. If you are already feeling that this baby is part of you it will take you apart to have an abortion you will have guilt the rest of your life. I know this all to well. I would suggest that you get ahold of a crisis pregnancy center or there are items on the web that you could show to your husband about abortion how it is done and all that, it may change your husbands mind about it. Really look at these sites they show the stages of pregnancy and alot more. If you go through with the abortion you could end up losing your marriage because of feelings you end up having about your husband. Please try to talk talk to him, but get the information you need first so you are prepared either way it could end your marriage you could end up resenting him to much. Please think about your feelings and how this will affect you down the road it is a painful procedure and memory.

Answer 5

Your husband may ask but it remains your decision. Discuss how you feel with him. He probably has good reasons why he does not want another child and you need to find out precisely why and then use that information in your decision making process. Abortion is not the only solution, you can put the baby up for adotion or maybe you have family that would take the child.
Consider all alternatives and what would happen if you decide to keep the child

Answer 6

You poor thing what a horrid situation, At seven weeks your husband has not had time to come to terms with the pregnancy & many of the things he is saying could be a knee jerk panic reaction. I think if you did go ahead with an abortion you would lose your husband anyway, (emotionally)
could your relationship survive this. Your husband needs to remember you can resurrect a damaged relationship but not a baby!!
My thoughts are really with you and I wish you all the luck for the future.

Answer 7

Have a talk with your Family physician let her /him assess your strengths and weaknesses.If the doctor advises abortion, then go ahead with it.Otherwise let the Doctor explain to the husband why an abortion is not in the interest of the mother's safety, and he( husband) would understand and go along.. When it is not supported by medical advice, it would be perceived as your insensitivity to his worries of financial security and other fears. Have the doctor on your side, which is more natural to happen since doctors are only eager to support life if they can.

Answer 8

Never let someone else influence your decision. I've been there and did what my partner wanted and had an abortion when i was 19, and i will regret it for the rest of my life.
Explain to him its your body and he should support your decision. I'm sure he will come round eventually.
He cant really force you if you dont want to do it, i let myself be forced and i really punish myself for letting myself be forced into something when noone has the right to force others into a decision.
Explain to your husband the emotional aspects as he may not understand fully as he is not carrying the child. Explain how it feels to have a life growing inside you and how difficult it is to detach your emotions if you were to have an abortion. If he loves you and is considerate he will listen to you.

Good Luck

Answer 9

Your between a rock and a hard place here. The bond between mother and unborn child is very strong indeed but the dependance on the familly unit is also very strong. Men I am afraid very seldom see children as their mothers do. Often (men please correct me if you think its not the case) see children more a a burden that must be carried until the children get to adult hood and suddenly theyre freinds. With 2 children 6&3 your partner is likely to be feeling that they are getting a least some semblance of life back and feel very worried that its another 3 years of nappies and more poverty.
In order to resolve this issue the both of you need to sit down and have a serious chat. Send the kids to grandma's if you have to. You need to understand what your partner thinks and he needs to understand you. Look at the issues togeather and see if there is a way around them. If its financial for example, do a proper finacial analysis, outgoings incomings how long the morgage is, can it be extended, that sort of thing. If its free time and lifestyle you may want to look at a regular arangement, say every other friday he can go out with his mates. The point is it is going to involve compromise for both of you. If your husband trully does not want another child, he will resent the child and ultimately you. If you have an abortion you may land up resenting your husband. Take the time now to resolve this one way or another else its going to eat you up for the rest of your lives.

edit

Sorry I really have to disaggree with those who say it is 100% your choice, you are in a partnership you both should have equal say in the matter. If it is a 100% your choice the mans 100% choice is to leave if he wants sorry you cant have it both ways.

Answer 10

I have a hard time believing that anyone would want to kill their child, born or unborn.
If your husband is so adamantly again having another child why didn't he get himself "fixed" after the last child?
Theoretically, let's say you did get an abortion. What happens the next time you get pregnant? Another abortion? Don't live like that. You both created this life and you are both responsible for it now. After this child is born, have your husband get a vasectomy if he doesn't want any more kids.