I gave my husband a chance to get back together with his dad when I married him by bring his dad back into his life, I pushed him to get his GED which helped him to get a great job, I gave him 3 kids, worked my but off working also outside the home, helped him save his mothers house which was ready to be taken away, moved to where he wanted to live, never cheated on him, I always did the bills, the housework, the shopping and was always showing affection to him. So why would he go and continue to use me like that. How can he live with himself. The funny part of it is, he keeps trying to come back home now that I kicked him out after finding a third number on his cell that he won't admit to. Why would he want to be home if he keeps cheating?
2007-03-14 00:56:26 · 12 answers · asked by RIA 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You were TOO good to him. He didn't appreciate you, or value you. You need to leave him wherever he is, and move on in your life. There is a good man out there, that will love you back, and appreciate what you do for him. Good Luck!!
2007-03-14 01:04:13 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Lets see...your first two sentences is all the reason any self-respecting man would need. I am lucky, I had it pointed out to me that if I fix everything and I do everything and I am always there for my husband that eventually he would resent it and that it also makes me righteous--not real easy to love in a person. I had to learn the five G's: Get off his back, Get out of his way, Give him to God, Get into God, Go to the Gym (or get a life). When you say I pushed him, I helped him, I gave him, I married him, I worked, I did this and that.....those are all put downs for him. Men need respect and room to make their own decisions and mistakes....its hard to do but its worth the effort. He probably wants to be home because h e hasn't made any decisions in a very long time and he is used to having you to fall back on...he probably doesn't believe he CAN do anything anymore.... I'd suggest you work on ways you can find to respect your husband (married or not you have kids together and need to communicate effectively). Say a prayer.
2007-03-14 02:11:43 · answer #2 · answered by Sweetserenity 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm basically in the same situation as you, but I've been married for 25 years. I wish I had a pat answer for you. All I can think of is that they want their cake & eat it too. He had it good with you, but like most men he also wants his little tarts on the side and he wants you to be ok with it. He's a man is the answer to how can he live with himself. I've read quite a few books about the male of the species and from what I've gathered they're driven by hunting for sex and having sex. When comedian Jeff Foxworthy says we women are making men more complicated than they really are because all they want in life is a beer and to see something naked, he's telling the honest truth. They want the security of a wife at home taking care of them, the kids, and the house, but they also want some wh*re on the side for what they see as new & exciting sex they aren't getting at home. As I said, they want their cake & eat it too. I find that most men are scumbags waiting to cheat if they get the chance.
2007-03-14 01:07:30 · answer #3 · answered by saylavie2u2 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all I do am sorry, I can only tell you from my own experience and hope that it will not offend you and all. I did a bit similar than you, my husband was in the military when we met, but mine had the affairs just 3 months ago that ruined my kids life and holiday.
Your wondering why yours keep coming back to you, maybe for a reason that he knows you loved him and you will forgive him one way or the other. Yours is 14 years but mine was 22 long years,which he knows committing adultery is now getting him back by my 3 kids loosing their trust and respect towards him. And I lost mine as well, I can't trust him now that he did what he did,even he wants a second chance from us, and the sad part of it my love is not there anymore.
Maybe you still cares for him even you kick him out a few times, but you will do yourself one big favor if you just let him go, for the sake of your kids. It sounds like your a strong person like me, so it will make it easier for you to tell him that you have enough of taking advantage of you, and for lying to you as well. Follow your heart but make sure that you have a good head in your shoulder to let him go for the sake of your kids and yours.......hope this help....good luck!!
2007-03-14 01:19:26 · answer #4 · answered by islandgirl06 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You gave all of yourself and kept nothing back. You made his life better. By reminding him of all that you have done you did make him feel like less of a man, which in turn led him to find others who made him feel like a real man. He would want to come home because....its safe there?Easier than being on his own? Doesn't matter how much or how little you do, when a spouse decides to stray they stray. Nothing you can do to stop them. Now is time for you to do for yourself and your kids. Let him do his thing, but if I were you I wouldn't let him come back. He destroyed your trust and respect for him, what's left after that?
2007-03-14 02:07:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some men are just pigs. He wants his cake and eat it too. He probably feels like you are a definite thing and you will always be there, no matter what he does. He realizes now that he has hurt you and messed up, that is why he wants to come back. Remember this one thing- "Once a cheat- Always a cheat."
2007-03-14 01:05:21 · answer #6 · answered by revtimothyward 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because you are very good to him, and he probably truly misses you. DO NOT take him back unless he honestly enters therapy to end this behavior. If he is sincere, then he also needs a mentor (preferably a pastor) to keep him accountable, so that he NEVER cheats on you again. If he can't do BOTH of these then he's not sincere and can never be your spouse again.
2007-03-14 01:44:34 · answer #7 · answered by Dino 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really think that maybe he was not the man for you in the first place , but be blunt when you try 2 get your point across if you don't shape up you will loose the best thing in his/her life. but make sure that this is what you really want!!!! never married but can relate.
best of luck 2 u & yours
katina g
2007-03-14 01:16:35 · answer #8 · answered by katina g 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he knows who takes care of things, but wants to cheat too. doesn't matter how good u were to him, when men cheat they don't remember the good things about their spouses.he can easily live with himself, no conscience.
2007-03-14 01:39:21 · answer #9 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How often do you remind him what you have done for him?
No guy wants to be be married to their mother.
2007-03-14 01:01:48 · answer #10 · answered by Flagger 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋