but now my wife wants to live apart and it's killing me. She says that it's her time to play now that the kids have gone. she is seening other people at 'clubs'and want's to swing I can not do this HELP PLEASE.
2007-03-14 00:55:34 · 25 answers · asked by sandwichsparrow 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
3 words for you ......
Mid
Life
Crisis
2007-03-14 01:26:01 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's not about your affair that happened 20 years ago. Your wife just wants out, which often happens when the kids grow up and leave. Sounds like it's over. See an attorney.
2007-03-14 00:59:57 · answer #2 · answered by Debra D 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No no no ! Do not let her do this !
My parents have been married a long time, almost 31 years, and 2 years ago, my parents almost went through divorce. During that time, my father broke down, and admitted to me that, in the beginning of their marriage, he cheated on my mom, and she forgave him, but she had recently begun accusing him of seeing that "other woman" again.
I talked to my father, but he was willing to give up, and admit defeat. So i talked to my mother, and long story short, things changed for the better, and they've been very happy since.
So my advice to you is: Do NOT give up ! Disregard about 99% of these answers, and just talk to your wife. Ask her what's up with the sudden change of heart. I highly doubt just because the kids are gone, she wants to go out and have sex with strangers for the hell of it. Ask her if there's a problem. Maybe bring up the affair, and ask her if she's doing this as a "revenge as a dish best served cold" sort of thing.
Ok...I want to go on, but...I'll just say TALK to your wife. And good luck !!!
2007-03-14 19:47:35 · answer #3 · answered by SweetMahogany 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I think it serves you right for cheating on her, but I won't lecture you.
However, she forgave you 20 years ago so you have to forgive her and let her move on.
I knows loads of couples who split right after they're kids have left school/gone to uni/left home, etc. The wife, the husband or even both only stick together for their kids, in this case it would appear that the wife has only stuck with you because of the kids.
2007-03-14 04:03:54 · answer #4 · answered by Sluugy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She gave you 20 years. She gave you kids. She thinks she gave you enough and its her time.
Maybe it aint right or just but sounds like she wants to break free. getting in her face or stopping her isn't going to get you a hill of beans. She is being up front with her feelings which is a thousand times better than cheating behind your back.
Respect her feelings and honesty, thank her for the good times. Sounds like she isn't really rejecting you, just rejecting the confining home life that she previously had.
Be there for her. She will get hurt sometimes.
You will develop your own life, may take a while, but it will happen.
2007-03-14 01:07:22 · answer #5 · answered by jinoturistica 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry.
There is nothing you can do to stop her. There is nothing you can do to put an end to her actions.
It is always the woman who picks the partner, and if this woman is leaving for other partners then she is lost to you.
I'm sorry ; I have no balm for your pain, and I know that no one else has an answer for you either.
I used to sleep with a woman who did that to me, then slowly divorced me, and I know that you cannot stop it.
The only thing you can do is control your reactions to her actions. That is all you can do. If you will allow it to kill you; then you will die. If you think you cannot do this, then you are right. You will not be able to do this.
The only resource you have is yourself. I know it doesn't cut like a knife .....it rips your guts like a chainsaw would. The only one who can stop it, is you.
I've been there my man, never played on my wife but I've had her rip me like you are now.
Nothing can be done by anyone but yourself.
My prayers are for you.
2007-03-14 01:12:04 · answer #6 · answered by the old dog 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
who knows what`s gotten into her. But honestly speaking, at this point, she probably doesn`t really care, you have a choice to either join her or leave her, since you can`t join her then maybe the latter would be best for you to do. Maybe this change in her is actually deeper than you can put your finger on, try to suggest a bit of counselling and if you cant `t change her mind then you need to save yourself any more heart ache.
2007-03-14 01:07:56 · answer #7 · answered by LadyScorpio 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Relax, go out and play with your wife. Couples that play together, stay together but you must be on the same page with her.
Look at this way, you also get to try new women without guilt. I say go for it and let your wife have her fun while you are having yours.
2007-03-14 02:18:15 · answer #8 · answered by Momma K 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ha, Ha! Your life is screwed.
Shouldn't have been a sleaze all those years ago. What goes around comes around. Your wife has had 20 years of that sick, pit of the stomach feeling that victims of cheating bastards like you cause. I have been cheated on, and its the worst thing ever. You deserve everything you get, and if your wife wants to shag loads of other men, I take my hat off to her.
Its your own fault.
2007-03-14 01:03:28 · answer #9 · answered by Shinny 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A woman never forgets and one of the things is that she is patient and usually bides her time. Man you made your choice and will now have to live with it, or not. She never really forgave you. it was expedient of her to let it slide then, because as you say, she said she was raising her children. Sorry friend if you can't take it you will have to move along.
2007-03-14 01:01:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anthony F 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't let her guilt you into letting her do this. She is obviously hold that affair over your head by saying you did it now it's my turn. Don't let her do that to you. It was 20 years ago and she forgave you for it. There is no reason to bring it back up. If she can't understand that, i know it will hurt but move on. You don't deserve that.
2007-03-14 01:00:30 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋