I've just turned 30 and married but seperated from my husband. We have two children aged 9 and 5. I'd been with my husband for 12 years married 4 but seperated now for over 6 months.
I've been seeing someone who has just turned 20, very mature for his age, we get on brilliantly, can talk to him about anything like we've know each other for years and vice versa. Were both so very shocked how well we do get on. We think about each other everyday he must send me 20-30 txts a day when we've not seen one another we can talk on phone at night for easy 3-4 hours. I actually feel more comfortable with him than I've ever had done with my ex-husband. The only problem is hes a friend of my ex-husband, goes drinking with him at weekends and has done for a couple of years now. My ex-husband found out now he hates him but its still not stopped us from having contact and meeting up when ever we can. So with the age difference and the fact he was a mate of my ex-hubby would you say its wrong
2007-03-14 00:31:36 · 24 answers · asked by Lee ML 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Not if it makes you happy.
2007-03-14 00:34:51 · answer #1 · answered by scragette2000 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your personal association with the young man didn't start until after you were separated from your husband, there is nothing really wrong. But take some advice from someone who's been there and done that. It is not a very good idea to get too attached to the young guy. I did with my young guy and it eventually turned into a nightmare. You will be the ham in the sandwich every time there is an arguement between him and any other member of the family. It will tear you apart. If you defend your family members you will be accused of disloyalty to your young man, and if you defend your young man you will be accused of disloyalty to your family. So think very long and hard about getting involved with someone so much younger than you.
2007-03-14 07:52:03 · answer #2 · answered by Alwyn C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's way wrong for more reasons than you mention at the end. You shouldn't be seeing anyone until way after your divorce is final. Time for you to stop being selfish and time to start being a proper mom; they have been devastated by your mistakes, and they need proper care and ALL your attention. If you get custody, start dating when the last one is 18.
As for your boy's age - that's just sad that you are doing this with a relative baby - he is not far from being a teenager. You certainly are not showing any maturity at all. And, because he is a friend of your husband, you think you are 'sticking it to" your husband, whereas you are just being pathetic, and grasping at anything to keep your semblance of self-esteem together.
You need to stop seeing the dude, concentrate on your kids, and get some serious professional help.
2007-03-14 11:08:53 · answer #3 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NEWSFLASH its neither, its the fact someone else is with you. it may be a bit of a surprise thrown into the mix that its someone he knows, but its just the fact you are seeing someone else, do you think his reaction would have been any different if your new guy was a 30 something stranger? unlikely. a new man is taking his place, not only in your life but possibly his childrens too, age has nothing to do with a relationship, its about how you both feel, Your new guy makes you happy, thats what counts, stick with it, the road may be a little bumpy but sounds like its worth the journey, Good luck
2007-03-14 07:39:24 · answer #4 · answered by ♠ Merlin ♠ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that 'wrong' is the word for it. I would say it was I bad idea, but then you know that, or you wouldn't be asking the question.
I can see both sides, that you really need this relationship at the moment, and that it is doing you no end of good.
You just have to decide whether it is going to be a long-term relationship, and if so, will it be worth the hurt and anger it causes?
I don't think the age difference is really an issue.
2007-03-14 07:36:57 · answer #5 · answered by Dogsbody 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your ex-husband is probably (understandably) upset. For one thing you have injured his male ego. But this is more to do with you, no one can really tell you what to do, if you really feel like you connect with this guy and you trust that you are not acting out of hidden feelings then you should know that age really IS just a number, what matters is your happiness. If your feelings are genuine and you`re absolutely sure of what you`re feeling then just handle it calmly and try to make your ex see where you are coming from. Your ex probably thinks you`re doing this to spite him, you have to make him see that he`s wrong.
To answer your question, it`s not so much to do with right or wrong as it is to do with feelings, but i don`t think it`s wrong per say. Good luck.
2007-03-14 07:50:09 · answer #6 · answered by LadyScorpio 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say you are courting disaster. There is a vast maturity difference between a woman of 30 with children 9 and 5 years of age and a boy of 20. Is he looking for a mother also?
2007-03-14 07:39:01 · answer #7 · answered by don n 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No, it's not 'wrong'. Your separation is only recent and yea it will cause conflict for now but it'll settle itself over time. Just don't flaunt your new relationship in front of your ex until he's comfortable with it and has maybe moved on himself. But you are entitled to be happy with this person, that's what life's about, just as I said have respect for the ex until the dust settles.
2007-03-14 07:38:38 · answer #8 · answered by fancypants 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This realtionship from your discription seens to be a very immature one You have not seen the real side of this person. He is in his teens and showering affection . This is not going to continue for long when the realities of life is faced. So think twice before you take any decision.
2007-03-14 07:40:25 · answer #9 · answered by anand_e_j 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no thats perfectly fine.....dont let anyone else get in the way of what you want. If you wanna be with him go for it. As long as the two of you are happy with everything then you shoudnt let anything else get in the wy of you guys having a relationship. Good luck!
2007-03-14 07:36:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your problem is the age differences dont mind it
Do what ever makes you happy, remember this:Age and height is 'a grain of sand among the beach' when it comes to love!!!!!!!!!!
If you really like him then go for it
2007-03-14 07:48:47 · answer #11 · answered by winx 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋