Should i leave or Stay?

Question

My Wife is in a job that she doesn't particularly like. Last year the she was bullied and was moved to another area in the hospital where she works. This has knocked her confidence, but the staff at her new place keep telling her that she is a good nurse but she will not listen. We have got ourselves into a situation that i cannot see anyway out of, we have a new car and bills not paid for weeks, the trouble is she will not go into work and when she does she panics like made. The problem i have my wages cannot stretch far enough to cover all the expenses in the house and i have recieved nasty letters for payment of some bills.
I have told her how i feel but she says i don't understand. she says that it is the place where she works, but the truth is she will struggle to get a job as she found out recently. A newer qualified nurse got a job she applied for, my wife explained to me that it was obviously she had better qualifications, but i worked in management years ago and i was

always reluctant to employ someone with a high sickness level. She says she understands and prmises me daily that she will go in, but time after time she breaks her promise, there is a black shadow looming over us and although i love hervery much i don't think i can take this anymore. It is driving a wedge between us. PLEASE give me some advice.

My wife has been seeing a shrink for 7 months and has been offered tablets but has refused them. W.e don't live above our means, last year she had three months off on the sick and has used her sick pay entitlement, so i am struggling with out her pay

Answer 1

Hmmn, the problem here is actually nothing to do with her job, it's alot more to do with what going on inside of her....I suffer from something similar, let me tell you, your wife could have the most amazing job ever, but until she can get past her anxiety of leaving the house, getting to the job and then carrying the job out, its all irrelevent including having fantastic qualifications.......Firstly you need to accept that without a doubt your wife is ILL and NOT being selfish, accompany your wife to the 'shrink' as you call him, and explain to them exactly what is going on, it may well be that your wife is managing to hide her symptoms from him, she may have been prescribed meds, but she doesnt take them, it could even be that she doesnt turn up for her appointments, find out what the picture is in full, if you are not making any head way or you find out she's not going, then you need to find a good therapist or mental heath professional, and get her evaluated.
Secondly, get rid of the damn car and get a run around, contact all your creditors and tell them what your wife's diagnosis is, explain that you cannot keep to the agreed payments due to only now having one income, agree to make smaller payments....with monthly reviews until such time as your wife can go back to work.
Thirdly, you are asking should you leave? Why would you leave?This is not about your wife not listening, her confidence being knocked and her not caring about you or bills, this is about a wife being ill and needing her husbands support and understanding, please invest the time in getting your wife's problems sorted out, it takes time but with medication and proper therapy you will get your wife back....
I wish you all the luck in the world, and il be keeping my fingers crossed for you xx

Answer 2

first of all she has to apply for a leave of absence from her work, this will take the pressure off you both, but especially her. Your wife is experiencing some kind of breakdown and or depression, what exactly it is has to be determined to be fixed. she has had a lot of knocks in a short time and at the moment feels floored. Panic attacks are very real and unpleasant for the sufferer, and seldom understood by those around. they ofetn go hand in hand with a depression of sorts and can be fixed with or without drugs, cognative therapy is often used. Your wife has to accept that she needs help before she can progress and i think this will be difficult as all she has is pressure on her, from her job, to get back to work, money, bills etc she is feeling swamped, to be able to tackle everything she has to start at the bottom, and get herself better. She should get paid leave, it will lighten the load financially but give her so much more--breathing space. this will be a learning curve for both of you and your support will go a long way to helping her get better and ultimately benefit you both in takling the other issues together, I wish you both well

Answer 3

It sounds like you two are going through a tough bought. The only advice that I can come up with is give her an ultimatum to either go to work at her existing employer or since she thinks she has the lack of qualifications in her current field to go back to school; if she chooses to not do either of those then you should tell her that you are going to leave. I can't tell you though how she will respond to this since I am not her, but to be perfectly frank I think she needs to buck up and be a woman. No matter where you go you will have problems of some sort in the work field. It's just all in a matter of how you take care of those problems....and avoiding them isn't going to solve anything at all!!!

Answer 4

If she can find another job on a related field instead of being a nurse where she had a traumatic experience, it would help to get her confidence back.

Also, why did you put yourself in a situation wherein your bills is beyond your capacity to pay. Don't blame it to her. Your wife is disturbed and need psychiatric help to recover.

What you can do is find yourself a higher paying job so you can cope up with your expenses and don't even think about leaving unless you're not man enough to confront your problems.

Answer 5

first of all what happened to the vows you said when you married her doesn't that stand for anything I'm a married woman i don't work b/c my husband gets paid very good if it is becoming that big of a problem then look for a better paying job it is your duty to take care of her anyways that's how it was back in the old days not anymore go ahead and leave and you will be paying her for alimony which can be very costly i would suggest staying and finding a better paying job and making her look else where for employment

Answer 6

stay. i admire you to stay, CareBears have an fairly constructive azzes. do no longer understand if i'm a perv or no longer. yet i admire CareBear butts. yet you're additionally a stable questioner and answerer, humorous and function stunning avatar. even nevertheless you will possibly be able to become a guy interior the basement. or a girl in an place of work cubicle. Edit: "The an" is a appropriate grammar, yet I wronged it.

Answer 7

your wife needs to speak to occupational health she is in the wrong job that's why she is so stressed make an appointment with her and get the ball rolling
they will be very sympathetic and will also arrange psychological help if she Will go through with it
i have seen lots of people moved to jobs that suit their personality
good luck

Answer 8

Don't give up on your wife, she needs you. Move to somewhere more affordable and buy a smaller car, adjust your standard of living so you are happy with each other regardless of her problems at work.

Answer 9

She needs to go to a therapist and work on her self esteem. I am sure this is not the only place she can work so she needs to get herself together (mentally) and create a new work attitude.

Also, you should not be living above your means.

I am troubled that you think the answer to this is leaving??

Answer 10

try to boost her confidence. she has lost confidence in herself. you really need to help her. it seems she is on the verge of depression. take her to a counsellor or doctor. if this continues the gap between you both will become bigger. give her love and affection, take her out. do things that she likes for her to feel wanted,protected, secured.