I have been married for 8 months now. It hasent been easy all along. We quarrelled all the time, we faught and he beat me up. He had such an ugly attitude towards me (which he never had all along). I decieded to do my own investigation. I discoverd he had been communicating with a girl then yesterday i confroted him. He accepted he sees her and calls her. he also said thats why he use to treat me that way.He knew her just after we married. He has cheated on me before and i forgave him. He was having an affair now. I dont know what to do. Am still blank and have not made any decisions yet. We dont have children. I dont know what to do.
2007-03-13 22:56:45 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The man is a predator--preys on women like you--he hunts using the nice guy as bait--marries and changes--he actually has done this all his life--he knows how to get what he wants--it's a game to him. He is a manipulator.Just like the guy that's 40 with a puppy, looking for little kids...same idea. They can never be a part of a NORMAL relationship. They have no use for women--so this manifests as disrespect, and violence. It is all misdirected anger from childhood. Seems to hate a mommy figure or females in general--the nice guy act is just bait. The pity routine is an act....he knows exactly what he can do to you when he gets caught----and you believe it all. Now forgive me for being harsh--but what is wrong with you??? Why do you tolerate this--even if you were shocked by it all--why are you still there at all??? I kind of think that you feel that you can't do any better than him or you actually think you can change him---it's a twisted challenge--and you will not win...the odds are against you. You should not tolerate the disrespect and lack of integrity on his part--it is immature and he shows it by seeking constant acceptance and approval from other women. You know about the diseases out there today--you know he probably already has one and the whole ugly mess will involve you if you let him on you.Some of the diseases are forever....will ruin you for LIFE if it doesn't kill you first,---need I say anymore???The physical abuse is another form of behavior he got as a kid--he thinks it is OK to hit you.It is illegal in most places--love shouldn't hurt !!The first time you hit him back with a bat, he will run to his mom--that is a fact--he can't stand a strong woman--he thinks he married a wimp.I bet you stay because that is the feeling I get from your letter----you think you can't do any better, and he is convincing you of this everyday. You CAN do better if you stand up and walk away, head up and shoulders back---get a grip and see this for what it is...he will find another woman--NO problem. Hope you can get past this and find a really nice loving man--it would be so much better.
2007-03-13 23:35:25 · answer #1 · answered by fire_inur_eyes 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm glad to hear you don't have any children but not so happy that you let this man humilate you, beat you up and cheat on you and you are still there, taking it like you deserver no better. ARE YOU CRAZY? There are plenty of men out there that will respect and love you and NEVER raise a hand to you. Get a divorce now because the longer you stay the harder it's going to be to leave later when things get even worse and trust me it will. You let him get away with all this already and you are still with him, why would he stop now?
2007-03-14 00:27:46 · answer #2 · answered by LC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you know what to do - but you just can't muster the courage to do it. Your husband's behaviour has eroded your self esteem to the point where you think you can't get out. And if you do, you think you can't find/deserve any better. Thing is, since you stay, you are giving him permission to keep doing it. The only thing that will make him sit up and take notice is if you leave. Unless you address this, you can look forward to a life of cheating and beating. I'm sure that's not what you want or need. All the best, Ness
2007-03-13 23:09:34 · answer #3 · answered by Lochie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
time for a lawyer... u probably will get most of everything if not everythinhg if there are assets involved. go soon... don't give up on yourself... maybe talk over with a family member or friend about the situation... also u can get a restraining order if he did hit u... get it processed now, and the police will arrest him faster than u can imagine. no one should ever violate u in anyway or by anymeans.... do the restraining order and don't submit to being the victim... u can survive this one... call 911 if u have, too or call your local police... they have the numbers for you to access, including women support groups.... additionally, don't have sex with him.... u may contract an unknown disease and it ain't worth...just to surrender.
and always plan an exit... and if it's really that bad, get out now or as soon as he lives the house u both live in...
2007-03-13 23:08:09 · answer #4 · answered by ogg08 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband BEATS you up and you're concerned about him cheating? Girl, are you crazy??? Him cheating on you is the LEAST of your problems. You need to get yourself as far away from this wife beater as possible right now!!! Don't you have any self-respect or love for yourself? You said you don't have children so you need to remove yourself from this abusive relationship immediately. And get some counseling too. You need to find out why you didn't call the police, have his sorry behind arrested for domestic violence, and divorce him after the first incidence of abuse.
2007-03-13 23:16:11 · answer #5 · answered by saylavie2u2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love, you know and see the big picture in front of you. You found out by yourself what most wife can't do and you supposed to be proud of yourself. If your thinking of getting out of this marriage,you still have time, ask the person that marry the two of you and ask him to annulled the marriage,without going through all legal and expenses that most lawyer is asking. Your a smart girl and your strong so hang tough and do whats best for you......hope this help and if you want to talk, I'll listen..............
2007-03-14 03:56:25 · answer #6 · answered by islandgirl06 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow!!! I can't believe you don't know what to do! You get ride of his tired butt and get a new man. Why would you want a man that cheats on you? He's going to continue to do it because sweety you allow it. He's done it twice now and you haven't done anything, so what's going to stop him. His love for you? I think not!!! He doesn't LOVE YOU!!!! Because if he did he wouldn't be doing this. I think you know this your just in denile.
2007-03-13 23:15:58 · answer #7 · answered by step b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he cheated and beat you it is time to wake up and get out of this marriage now while there is no kids he will never stop. I am talking from experience
2007-03-13 23:03:30 · answer #8 · answered by kim a 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he plays around and you feel you're to blame
time you wake up, you're being short changed
getting married is more than a contract
it means only you he sleeps with in the sack
while divorce is something most dread to see
at least starting over, beats a life of misery
2007-03-13 23:03:18 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did you keep seeing this man if he had cheated on you before and beat you up? No man should ever treat a woman like that and you know very well that he is not worth your time. Leave him for good.
2007-03-13 23:02:03 · answer #10 · answered by Cardiophobia <3 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋